How to stop a 3 yr old pooing his pants daily, HELP!

[Hermano]

DS is recently turned 3.

He decided he didn't want to wear nappies at Christmas, he was 2 1/2. As we were home for a couple of weeks, and as he was adamant, we went with it. After a few days of dancing in his own wee puddles he began to get it and could wee in the potty or loo about half the time. In the intervening months this increased a bit and he's now good for wees most of the time, unless he's very excited or engrossed in play!

Funnily enough he decided he didn't want to wear nighttime nappies soon after dropping daytime ones, he'd have an almighty screaming episode if we tried to put a night pull-up on. Since he was always playing with his willy in bed and leaving it half poking out and wetting the bed almost nightly even in a pull-up, we were fairly happy to lose that nappy too, and he's actually been dry overnight since about Feb, which feels early and very lucky for us!

Now to poos

He poos his pants daily. He just won't stop playing to go and poo. He can get to the potty or loo in time occasionally, but most of the time it's a poo in pants or if he's bare bottomed (often is) then it's a poo on the floor.

He knows and comes to tell us, and says he'll try harder next time, but 90% + of his poos are in the wrong place.

Any ideas how to tilt this balance and get more poo in the loo? It's driving us both a bit mad. We're normally fairly neutral in the aftermath, 'oh that's a shame, poos aren't supposed to go in pants, where are they supposed to go?' etc, but sometimes one of us will be on a shorter fuse and tell him off. I don't think the telling off helps and OH and I have agreed to keep a lid on our frustration in the future, but any tips from people in the same position much appreciated.

Tldr: wee trained and night trained 3 yr old poos in his pants daily, this has been going on since new year. How can we stop the pooing in pants?

I can’t help but I’m watching closely OP

Me too! We've recently started a halfway house approach - so pants all the time and then ASKING for a nappy if he wants a poo.

Or if he does his usual 'finding a quiet spot to play' and we clock it, we ask if he wants a nappy on for poo.

Our logic is that it will get him to a point where he warns us about poo and it's a) one step closer to the potty b) not a backwards step to going back to nappies full time and c) less poops in pants!!

I don't have a solution, but I went through this, and eventually it stopped. It was incredibly frustrating. I threw away so many pairs of pants. I spent so much time crouching beside her while she perched on toilets telling me she needed a poo but not doing one. We had some memorable incidents in shops. Her nursery would ask me to come in and clean her up, and eventually it was easier for her just to do a short morning at nursery.

Eventually she got it - I don't know what changed. My only advice is to be patient. Sorry.

Bribery. We have a couple of chocolate buttons for every poo in the correct place. Or a reward chart with a bigger reward after a full week of poo in the toilet etc.

We went through this with our son so i feel your pain. To fix it we introduced 'poopy time' after lunch and dinner. We'd sit him on the toilet and either read stories or draw pictures (on a wipe clean board) and basically make it a fun session. Took a few days to get into the routine, now he expects it every day and no more poo accidents. Can spend up to 30 mins at a time in the loo now though just cos he's having fun drawing. Managed to get it down to just one poopy time a day now.

Bribery
The Pooland app

We had this. We got her to put a pull up on when she needed a poo. It lasted a few months and now she’s happily back in pants all day. Is he scared of going in the loo?

We had this too with DS, he got wees absolutely fine and got poos at first too but then started pooing himself regularly at nursery. We all just persevered and he got it eventually. A sticker chart seemed to help with a reward for so many poos on the loo.

This exact thing happened to us with DS - he shit himself every day for about 9 months! We tried everything, bribery, ignoring (not the poo in the pants obviously, but just not making a fuss either way), getting cross, being really nice about it, putting the poo down the toilet and doing the whole 'the poo is going to poo land' thing. He was doing wees on the toilet perfectly fine and had been for ages so we really didn't want to put a pull up on him. He wouldn't tell us he needed to go, he would just come up to us after and say, 'can you check my pants'. And it didn't matter how many times we asked leading up to it, he would never tell us. He was nearly 4 and we were getting to the end of our tether (and worrying about school!) by the time he finally one day just decided he would go for a poo on the toilet and that was it!

I'm sure someone would have an answer for things we could have done better, but I still feel like for us we just had to wait until he was ready to do it!

Three year olds are usually able to understand that you want him to use the potty. If I were you I would probably look into the consistency of the poo (yucky sorry!)
If the child has been consistently constipated, it may be that it is easier to pass stool standing up. Or that there could be large clump of stool stuck in the colon that is affecting the child’s ability to pass stool easily sitting down. It may be painful so they need distraction and just let one rip whenever possible.
Obvious signs to look out for are dried cracked poo, pebble like poo, bright red blood in poo. Ring your GP for advice if you are concerned.
If all is normal and child is having perfect banana Shaped poo, then I guess he just “doesn’t give a shit”. All children will grow out of it one day.
All the best of luck

Same starting point as you op, I now have a nearly 5 year old who starts school in a week who has pood his pants twice today.

Needless to say I have no tips, other than we have a rulethat he wees pants at all times...

Ours always used to hide when they needed a poo, so we used to watch for that and whip them off to the loo.
Also, most kids prefer to squat, which is easier when in nappies, they way we sit to poo is not natural so they might find it easier to go on a potty rather than the loo?

Be absolutely on the same page with each other when training this (parents, grandparents, any others involved). It looks as if the toilet idea is not working at the moment for poo (rather than wee) so possibly change the plan - potty for poos, for now.

Can you (all) give him questions daily, like "Do we stop playing and go and do a poo?" - "Yes we do."
"Do we pull pants down and get all the poo in the potty?" -"Yes we do."
"Do we wipe our bottom and pull pants up now?" - "Yes we do."
(Written down it looks ridiculous, but it's to reinforce a whole sequence, not just the poo-in-the-loo part as it's not the first or the only thing in the routine - and he also needs to keep with the saying yes to it).

And I'd recommend having something a bit silly or celebratory like a funny whistle in the loo that he can blow with you being very happy about this, when he's done it all well but not if it's gone on the floor etc. Again the whistle or whatever has to be a new introduction, not something previously tried. Try to build the habit of the whole sequence and the celebrating when the sequence goes to plan. Possibly go out together to choose a colouring book or interesting distracting thing to do that can be brought out just when on the loo while he waits. Tell him what it's for; he may feel good about being involved in that.

Ours always used to hide when they needed a poo, so we used to watch for that and whip them off to the loo.

I think this is what eventually worked for us. I noticed her sneaking off, and I grabbed a potty and got it under her ASAP, then we did massive congratulations.

Walk him quietly up to the toilet say nothing.

Ask him to wait while you find clean clothes - take your time - he wants to play - you need him clean

Then undress him and say he’s going in the shooter to clean the poop

Remember to be silent and take your time!!

Get him dressed and he can go play

Do this every time

Oh my goodness @fartyface you must have the patience of a saint.

No suggestion, but we're in the same boat. DS has been reliable with wee, and overnight for about 3 months but still poos his pants most days. Even when you can tell he needs to go, he will often refuse, then have an accident 5 minutes later.

Sounds strange but I don't think he knows which muscles he's meant to use to get the poo out. Sometimes I do manage to get him to try on the toilet, he'll sit for 10-15 minutes (with distraction) but still do nothing, then poo himself later. It seems to reli on guess work, to get the window he'll sit for to line up with the time the poo comes.

Ours would try and hold in the poos. We found popping him on the potty after dinner for 30 minutes in front of a cartoon so he would relax rather then get stressed trying to go helped a lot. And chocolate buttons for when he was successful.

Sorry to say but he is clearly not ready yet. Let him wee on the potty by all means but use pull-ups as well. He will get there eventually.

Mine was never a good potty pooer, we got a toilet seat with a step from Amazon, an annoying singing soap from B&M and he was allowed to watch poo goes to pooland while trying. I also used to get him to squeeze his head. If he pushes on the side of his head with his hands it squeezes muscles the stomach and quite often a poo will come out. It sort of made the mental and physical connection for pooing.

Sorry no helpful advice but just wanted to say I'm so glad I read this thread!!

I am not good at potty training
Our just turned 6 year old still has occasional wee accidents, our almost 5 year old has done 3 pops in the garden this summer, and actually let us blame animals the first two times and our just turned three year old still wont do one wee in the potty.

Sick of smug, mine was perfectly potty trained at 18 months comments!

It helped us to keep a 'poo diary' which showed us if there was a pattern to bowel movements, for example usually mornings or afternoons, once or twice a day, any foods which upset their tummy etc. Once we had a bit more information about their habits we could be more proactive, offering the potty or toilet at the right time of day for our child, asking if they wanted to go when they might have been feeling like they wanted to go etc.

We also introduced books and posters into the toilet and let them do lots of handwashing in the sink so that the toilet was a fun place to be.

We found this website helpful:

www.eric.org.uk/Pages/Category/potty-training

I am not good at potty training

There's a lot to be said for taking a "what will be will be" attitude to potty training, I've learnt.

My oldest potty trained very quickly and easily at 2, so if she'd been my only child I'd probably have been one of the smugs congratulating myself :-)

My second child constantly pooed her pants, then my third child wet himself till age 5 or 6 fairly regularly.

They're now 15, 17 and 19 and it's all a distant memory.

I've goone over the hump and now I mostly try not to think about it :)

I used to be filled with hope..

One day there will be a pooey pants shaped hole in my life.

My current hope is that it will not be too awful at school and that he will experience some level of peer pressure to make him not do it any more