"be kind"

[Letmegetthisrightasawoman]

Anyone else getting a bit fed up of seeing this everywhere? Our local bus company has included it on their posters about safe bus travel during COVID-19. It's just so patronising and I doubt anyone who's an absolute arse will change their mind after seeing this. I also (wrongly probably) feel it just adds to the societal pressure on women to be kind and compliant. I like to think that I am generally quite kind and considerate, but if I want to be a mardy cow that's my choice.

Soundbites that masquerade as world-changing wisdom.
I say 'meh'.

The people that tend to spout #bekind are usually arseholes who are not kind. In my experience.

I only really see it on the internet - Mumsnet in particular.

The whole "Whatever happened to #Bekind?" pisses me off when some idiot pops up on a thread and says it.

It makes me want to reply with "Whatever happened to not using a woman's suicide to make your petty little point?"

It's almost as bad as "My mother always taught me if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all".

Yeah well that shit was mostly taught to little girls and young women to keep them firmly in their box

It's a nice sentiment, but as Laaalaaaa said tends to be used by people who are most definitely not kind themselves but want to express an unpopular or hypocritical opinion and shut down discussion immediately. I'd say 8 out of 10 times I see it used, the user doesn't seem to think it applies to them!

Men are never asked to be kind. When they are expected to be equally as kind as women, I’ll stop finding it infantilising.

I find it ridiculous. People spout "be kind" whenever anyone says something remotely critical. Actually, sometimes people's behaviour DOES need criticising and calling out. I include myself in that.

I'm so relieved it's not just me! I really was expecting to be slated! I'll happily dismiss it being used by individuals people (did cringe when I saw a girl wearing a be kind T-Shirt though), but it's now used by organisations as well. As if it makes any difference whatsoever to the spread of COVID-19! And YY to it being infantilising, especially because it's usually aimed at women.

@Waxonwaxoff0

I find it ridiculous. People spout "be kind" whenever anyone says something remotely critical. Actually, sometimes people's behaviour DOES need criticising and calling out. I include myself in that.

Rather than pulling people up on shitty behaviour and people admitting mistakes, we now seem to have an attitude of not hurting anyone's feelings ever and then denying responsibility for mistakes. I'm thinking BoJo and Domnishambles, as well as the ousting of senior civil servants.

Infantilising gosh uttered by those who have lost an argument.

You ok Vodsel?

It’s usually sanctimonious twats who use it as a get of jail card for their own crappy behaviour and have forgotten they’re quoting someone who battered their partner. Beyond irritating.

I hate those words to be honest.

Be kind no longer means just be nice. And decent amd how human beings really should be towards eachother.

It means override your boundries. It means put yourself in danger or get yourself into difficult situations in order to spare the feelings of those who wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire.

Be kind needs to be switched for a firm NO. Or in some cases F off.

Somehow it's always women who are expected to #be kind, it fucks me off.

Women should be encouraged to know that you don't always have to sacrafice yourself for others..

^Tosh, not gosh.

@MilesJuppIsMyBitch

You ok Vodsel?

Yes.

Are you?

That made me think. I never really thought of it as a potential feminist issue, but I guess it is.

I use it myself actually. Not to others, but as a reminder for myself "above all else be kind" and I teach it to my sons too. For me it's a reminder that I don't know what other people are going through. I do think that you can be firm and kind at the same time though.

Made much more sense with the tosh: gotcha.

• [Message edited by MNHQ as it referenced a namechange fail]

I agree with everything you say.

And yes, be kind, does seem to be presented as the highest goal a girl can aspire to and is also used to shut women up.

We are under no obligation to be kind to people who are stamping all over us either in relationships, friendships or civic society.

@Schmeebles I have no issue with being kind, and I vowed to be kinder in your sense at the start of lockdown because I knew it would be long and tedious enough without rows. I just take issue with being told to be kind. It's definitely a feminist issue!

It is tosh really, isn't it.

I mean, I'm all for empathy and understanding, but it's definitely used to shut women down.

The phrase “whatever happened to #bekind” always makes out it was some sort of law. It wasn’t. And I won’t. Not unless I feel like it. Piss off.

Cant say it bothers me, after all the world would be better if people were kinder.🤷‍♀️ I think Don't Be A Dick is a better message, but they're probably not allowed to put that on bus posters.

It's tosh used to put pressure on and coerce behaviour out of people, usually women. Right up there with, 'You don't sound like a very nice person'. Yeah, well, behold the field in which I grow my fucks! Thou shalt see it is barren.

[quote Letmegetthisrightasawoman]@Schmeebles I have no issue with being kind, and I vowed to be kinder in your sense at the start of lockdown because I knew it would be long and tedious enough without rows. I just take issue with being told to be kind. It's definitely a feminist issue![/quote]
Oh god yeah, if someone told me to be kind then I would be livid. I don't mind it in a sort of "motivational poster" kind of way though :D

Where on the public transport posters does it say 'Be kind (but feel free to be any kind of twat you like if you're a man')?! Believe me, there are plenty of women who can be downright unkind and my capacity to breathe and think "What would Mother Teresa do?" definitely has its limits

I've never assumed that slogan is primarily aimed at women. There are plenty of men who try to live up to it too.