Today, I fell over and pissed my pants in public

[TrufflePioneer]

So mortified. Walking the dog across the park beside our house with DH, turned my weak ankle in a rut and collapsed to my knees in the wet grass.

DH looked down and said in wonder, "Alright down there love?"

I snorted, then unexpectedly peed. Soaked my jeans to the knees. As I was still kneeling. When I tried to stand up more came out, and now DH is laughing so hard at my predicament that he can hardly help me up, and then I burst into tears.

Stupid menopause hormones, I keep crying for no reason, my pelvic floor is weak as a kitten, and now I have sore ankle.

I hope to God none of the neighbours were looking out of the window. This is right up there with slipping and falling at the crotch feet of a handsome young man, and tripping into the lift at a Big 4 city firm and saying "fuckshitbollocks" to the CFO.

While waiting for dh, I once slipped and very nearly went arse over breakfast time (as my DF used to call it) on a wet cafe floor at Heathrow.

I just managed to save myself, but in the process let out a very noisy fart - and there were occupied tables all around.

How I managed to summon enough aplomb to walk out with some semblance of dignity I will never know.

Oh no....my youngest is 8 and just recently I thought my pelvic floor has been better than ever.....i rarely actually need my tena lady (which for those of you with issues are marvellous things....thin, discreet and stop the embarrassment). Yes I did have physio after baby 3....but it didn't resolve everything.

And now you are telling me that the menopause is going to make
it bad again!! I am sitting here clenching....

Oh OP I have true sympathy. Mine was walking across an office floor (thank all that was holy it was after hours and only a few people were left ) to feel an odd sensation around my ankles to look down and find my top layer knickers (true 90's teenager who still in my thirties did the pants tights pants over the top trick) around my ankles . I had lost weight and apparently hadn't noticed how much. I was next to a meeting room door and swaddled flung myself at it and into the room as somehow I thought it would be less obvious. , thought I'd got away with it until one of the managers who I line managed knocked on my door to see if I was ok ....

Also this thread has reaffirmed a bit of my faith in MN after it's taken a recent bashing by the overly controlling pearl clutchers. Rather pleased to see the contingent intent on controlling other women's actions under the guise of the anti men faux feminist diatribe have been put in their place .

Cheered me up on so many levels , thanks OP

Only read the thread title and assumed it was another posting by the Queen.

I can now see that's not the case on this occasion - my mistake.

@WhoWouldHaveThoughtThat

Only read the thread title and assumed it was another posting by the Queen.

I can now see that's not the case on this occasion - my mistake.

Actual lol.

[quote blackteaplease]@Seriouslymole there are two options local to me. The bladder and bowel clinic for continence issues and the women's health physio team. I got a gp referral for the first for my dd and a midwife referral for the second for me as it was pregnancy related. Have a Google of your NHS trust to see what they offer and speak to your gp[/quote]
Thanks - I'll have a look. It would be very good if it were something that could be rectified.

Oh don't! Seriously, Tena Lady stocks SOAR on account of me! I must be their best customer. Done it all: the NHS physio, the app, the TENS machine thingy. Apparently, I'm not prolapsed. But I swear, when I walk the dog, my pelvic floor needs the lead on more than the dog does!
The female body. Fun and games! My cousin sent me this and it did make me laugh!
"My body is a temple. Ancient and crumbling. Probably cursed or haunted."

@ekidmxcl

I certainly see the comedy element. These things happen!

My dd, years ago, aged 4, pulled down her leggings in public, simulataneously declaring "CAN'T WAIT" and literally shat. I had to catch the turd in my bare hand before walking a looong way to find a toilet to flush it down! My kids are teens and the whole family still laughs about this.

Crikey. Chapeau, ekidmxcl.