Using a sunflower lanyard to fake disability

[YNK]

I'd like your views on this.

I have a hidden disability (a brain injury) and was horribly humiliated by a woman who thought I was looking at her in a checkout queue yesterday.

She started talking in a very loud voice saying "look at her - she knows she cant say anything to me because of this" (indicating her lanyard)
I wasn't even aware of her existence until she raised her voice and it took me a few moments to understand her abuse was aimed at me.
She told everyone within earshot they should buy a lanyard off the internet so no one would question them.

How can people genuinely in need of help and assistance distance or distinguish themselves from people abusing the lanyard?

@Butterer

I think this is also very relevant aboutthe lanyard: it can be worn by anyone with a hidden disability, regardless of age. The scheme recognises that many of us have disabilities or illnesses that aren’t immediately apparent to others. This could include things like autism, hearing problems, dementia or mental health issues; to name just a few. By wearing the lanyard, a person is letting staff know that they may need extra time or assistance; or just some patience and understanding.

And this, along with the fact anyone can get one, just shows why it is a pointless scheme and was even before it got overtook as a “I can’t wear a mask” symbol.

The needs of those with hidden disabilities (or any disability) vary wildly. All this does is show that someone may need help, or them may need space, or they may need someone to offer to help them, or being approached at all may be an issue for them. So basically it tells us nothing and the more widely used it becomes the less it is likely to be of help to those who may have initially benefited from it

I wear a lanyard, along with the associated mask exemption card that they also sell. Pre-covid I functioned fine - the odd panic attack and anxiety and depression I just got on with things through.

Since covid hit and everyone became such fucking unpleasant judgemental twats and amateur detectives and enforcers of the roolz - my panic attacks have hit the point I'm unable to function in any real scenario where I have to deal with people. I don't fear the virus - I fear being attacked verbally or physically for doing something wrong. I also have massive panic attacks over face masks- linked to previous trauma where the people responsible had their faces covered apart from their eyes.

I have tried and tried to wear masks to avoid having to wear the lanyard because of posts like yours going on about how it could be faked and put on to avoid wearing a mask - every one of the rare times I've gone to the supermarket (I normally send DH but I'm trying not to let things tip into agoraphobia and I think it's important the kids see that I still go out) I've tried to wear a mask and it's ended horribly in a panic attack - the best one was today where I nearly passed out and became completely disoriented and terrified. I have tried numerous different masks and visors - I've spent a small bloody fortune.

So yeah, after today - I've kind of accepted face masks and me are not going to happen at all - no matter what I throw at the issue - and the only reason I feel able to minimally participate in society at all (adhering to distancing and everything else) is by wearing a lanyard. So shite like this on here that people who wear them are faking it is bloody dreadful for people like me - because going out already with people clocking the lanyard and looking at me and thinking "why's she wearing that - what's wrong with her" is so bloody unpleasant (not the shop staff - who are lovely - know me well enough to know I struggle and can't be nicer and kinder, but the self-appointed enforcers and busy bodies).

So thanks... I'll stay away a bit more, become a bit more mentally distressed and lose a bit more quality of life - because every post like this chips away at the scheme. Yes, some people might have piss taked - but I doubt they'll have gone to the effort of doing so in a major way - most will just brazen it out anyway. From your description of the lady -she could well have some condition affecting social communication and has taken the "people can't challenge you" reassurance from someone and is communicating it in an inappropriate way - but nope - must just be faking it.

And my GP wouldn't provide any "official" proof of my condition - they specifically have on their answerphone that they won't provide any proof where masks are concerned because none is needed - before we start to go down that nice road.

It was the tone rather than the words tbh.
She kept repeating "look at her, look at her" as well as "she knows she cant say anything" in a very nasty tone,
As it happens this was quite literally true. If I get anxious it affects my physical abilities to speak and to walk (I only regained my mobility 6 months ago) and I develop a bad tremor.
As I say, I'm aware that to some people I might look strange so I do everything in my power not to draw attention to myself.

I've seen countless people just today wearing the Sunflower lanyard. Maybe they all have a hidden disability, I don't ask.

Some people will use this lanyard to get out of having to wear a mask. Obviously. There are just some people like that. Of course its not ok but it will happen.

I have a friend who has a sunflower lanyard, I had no idea what it meant until he told me. I asked him wtf? As you do, he got his because he 'apparently ' has cataracts. He has some sort of issue, but i don't know what. It seems that you should have one yourself legitimately and ignore her.

@DominaShantotto

I wear a lanyard, along with the associated mask exemption card that they also sell. Pre-covid I functioned fine - the odd panic attack and anxiety and depression I just got on with things through.

Since covid hit and everyone became such fucking unpleasant judgemental twats and amateur detectives and enforcers of the roolz - my panic attacks have hit the point I'm unable to function in any real scenario where I have to deal with people. I don't fear the virus - I fear being attacked verbally or physically for doing something wrong. I also have massive panic attacks over face masks- linked to previous trauma where the people responsible had their faces covered apart from their eyes.

I have tried and tried to wear masks to avoid having to wear the lanyard because of posts like yours going on about how it could be faked and put on to avoid wearing a mask - every one of the rare times I've gone to the supermarket (I normally send DH but I'm trying not to let things tip into agoraphobia and I think it's important the kids see that I still go out) I've tried to wear a mask and it's ended horribly in a panic attack - the best one was today where I nearly passed out and became completely disoriented and terrified. I have tried numerous different masks and visors - I've spent a small bloody fortune.

So yeah, after today - I've kind of accepted face masks and me are not going to happen at all - no matter what I throw at the issue - and the only reason I feel able to minimally participate in society at all (adhering to distancing and everything else) is by wearing a lanyard. So shite like this on here that people who wear them are faking it is bloody dreadful for people like me - because going out already with people clocking the lanyard and looking at me and thinking "why's she wearing that - what's wrong with her" is so bloody unpleasant (not the shop staff - who are lovely - know me well enough to know I struggle and can't be nicer and kinder, but the self-appointed enforcers and busy bodies).

So thanks... I'll stay away a bit more, become a bit more mentally distressed and lose a bit more quality of life - because every post like this chips away at the scheme. Yes, some people might have piss taked - but I doubt they'll have gone to the effort of doing so in a major way - most will just brazen it out anyway. From your description of the lady -she could well have some condition affecting social communication and has taken the "people can't challenge you" reassurance from someone and is communicating it in an inappropriate way - but nope - must just be faking it.

And my GP wouldn't provide any "official" proof of my condition - they specifically have on their answerphone that they won't provide any proof where masks are concerned because none is needed - before we start to go down that nice road.

I'm sorry my post has upset you.

I've said repeatedly that I made no assumption about her faking anything.
Until she shouted at me I did not even see her, never mind notice the lanyard or lack of a mask.
Again, all I know is what she said herself.

@Sirzy

In this case you don’t know if she did or didn’t have a disability.

However I am not a fan on the sunflower lanyard scheme anyway. I think it has lost a lot of its meaning and just complicates things generally

Agree.

My ds has had one for years.

Now people pay no attention. They seem to assume you've walked into a participating store and just asked for one - because you can.

I'm looking for something else subtle and similar ds could attach to his back pack zip

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

I'm going to gently suggest that she's just a knobend.

Having worked in retail for 8 years and throughout lockdown, I feel pretty confident that twats outnumber people with genuine disabilities. They outnumber most people actually... Can't swing a cat around here without hitting a cunt.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

One of those totally honest posts you know you should challenge but actually is spot on!

@Gingaaarghpussy

I have a friend who has a sunflower lanyard, I had no idea what it meant until he told me. I asked him wtf? As you do, he got his because he 'apparently ' has cataracts. He has some sort of issue, but i don't know what. It seems that you should have one yourself legitimately and ignore her.

I'm frightened to wear one in case it alerts people to my vulnerability or attracts abuse. I have a Headway ID card in my purse that I can use if I need to ask for help, but I would always do this discretely because I really don't want to draw attention to myself, and if at all possible I prefer my independence.

I know where your coming from.

She may have targeted you because she thought you vulnerable and was using you to make a point.

I agree that they're too easy to obtain so a minority of people will abuse the system. I picked mine up at Gatwick Airport. I'd taken a copy of the letter with my diagnosis with me and was really surprised that I didn't need to show it to get the lanyard.

Don't get me wrong, I can give as good as I get if I can type it from a quiet room.
I know if I have to process other information like visual or auditory stimuli, it puts me at a disadvantage, but I don't think of myself as a poor soul or anything. I just have to pace myself according to my environment.

OP, I'm sorry you got randomly (or perhaps not so randomly: may a have been because of the way you look, because of your disability) abused, it was totally unfair.

Regarding that woman, she does sound unhinged.
Maybe just a lying abusive twat, or maybe she wears a lanyard for a proper reason (mental health...), but somehow felt challenged (thinking you stared at her), and uncomfortable admitting she had an actual disability, and so made up the whole "ah ah, it's just a trick" story (I'm not saying this makes much sense... but neither did her random boasting/taunting)

I hope you're not too rattled, it sounds like she was a shouty sort of person and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I know people who abuse the lanyard and it drives me batshit. I can’t comprehend people wanting to abuse something like that and making life harder for people who really need them into the bargain.

My severely autistic son wears one and it’s been a godsend. Hate to think people might assume we’re ‘faking’

@crankysaurus

I hope you're not too rattled, it sounds like she was a shouty sort of person and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Thank you. Yes, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and I might have appeared to be looking in the wrong direction.

OP, it sounds scary for you.

But I would assume someone acting "madly" with a sunflower lanyard is probably wearing one for a genuine reason. She certainly doesn't sound sane.

But it's horrible she picked on you. Don't let it inhibit your independence.

OP I'm afraid that there are enough abusive pillocks in the world that by the law of averages some of them will be wearing lanyards.
Try to not let her upset you and put it out of your mind.

People like her need to wear a special kind of lanyard to earn the general public that they will make for a very unpleasant encounter. Arseholism can often be both incurable and terminal.
It’s a pity no one stood up for you and it hasn’t damaged your confidence too much.

She may have been desperate for attention and when nobody questioned why she was wearing it, picked on you.

@YNK

So her saying she was wearing it so no one could say anything to her is acceptable?

So if her issue is that she wants to abuse people because she wishes to, is that ok?

She may genuinely have a hidden disability herself that causes her to act inappropriately in public.

You say you don't want to wear them because you don't want to appear vulnerable, but at the same time, you say yourself that sometimes you do look strange. And this happened with the woman in a first place because she thought you were looking at her when you weren't. At least if people around you know you have hidden disability, they could have supported you, or the woman may not have abused you in the first place. Of course it's not your fault at all, it's her, but I do think she has issue too.