So upset can anyone reassure me

[Babysadness]

I’m having a dreadful time. Had second by emcs recently first was also emcs. That plus my age 38 nearly 39 and I’m worried that’s it for me.
We had planned to have another close to our second but I feel like the 2 rushed and quite traumatic emcs will have damaged me internally and I’m so so devastated

The surgeons said both times it went ok as well as it could but I’m just quite upset as I feel like something will be wrong that our plans won’t work out.
I should be grateful for what I have I think though we had planned things out, the pushchair we got this time we got one we can add another seat to things like that, our car, the house etc it’s all set up for the plans we had. Things like work as well obviously we wanted to be organised

I should be grateful for what I’ve got I’m rambling on. I dont even think I’m over the birth physically and I need to focus on my health but my mind as well

I’m just so sad I don’t know what to do with the things the baby will grow out of we were going to keep everything obviously now I think is that just going to make things worse in case we can’t use them ever again.
Please be gentle I’m feeling so fragile. I know I’m lucky with what I have already

Congratulations! Please don’t worry. Have the doctor told you you can’t have another one? Emergency sections doesn’t mean you can’t have another one. Give yourself 6 months/one year, chat to your doctor and take a decision.

You’ve only just had a baby and already you’re upset that you may not have another one?

I understand the upset over potential damage etc, but tbh your head doesn’t sound in a good place to consider having another baby when you’re not even used to the one you’ve just had.

You have two healthy children. Hold on to that, and the rest will be as it’s meant to.

Please try not to worry. You are in the newborn stages where every emotion is heightened. As PP said give yourself at least 6 months to get over this.
Enjoy what you do have at the moment and not overthink the future too much, most of it's out of our control! I'm also 39, have dc 10 and 6 and always wanted a third. A surprise pregnancy ended in miscarriage unfortunately, and now DH has made it clear we're done! You never know though
But I don't see any reason why you can't keep expanding your family, many women are having children into their forties these days.

It’s not that I want another right now just to feel secure in that plans we had if that makes sense ? I feel almost in shock I think I had a totally different birth and recovery planned and wanted to just immerse myself fully in life with 2 children and hopefully had a small gap for a third But I feel like how can my insides be ok after going through that again

I’m Just a bit fragile and emotional I think and it’s on my mind

Your insides are okay! The hospital wouldn’t have discharged you if your insides were not okay! Give it time, it’s too overwhelming right now. You have been through a huge op and your body and mind need recovery. Rest assured all will be fine. Don’t worry.

I think maybe this is just anxiety. If your insides were not ok the doctors would tell you.

Try to calm down and enjoy your children, and when the time is right, try for a third if you still want one.

If you are still struggling maybe see your gp about anxiety to help you through this period.

It was all such a shock and then I think I came home too early which hasn’t helped

Have you had a birth debrief (if they are currently going ahead). Perhaps sitting down with a doctor or midwife and going through the reasons for the emcs will help and they can reassure you about future pregnancies.

My second and third children were elcs 18 months apart, I was late 30s. It wasn't ideal but for reasons I won't go into here we didn't want to wait. Everything with my third pregnancy/section was fine. Consultant said I could have another if I wanted ( we don't!)

Of course you can have another baby.

I’m sorry the birth didn’t go how you had planned. Having had 2 emcs myself I know how that feels.

It sounds like you’ve only just given birth. First things first you need to recover from this one. Enjoy the baby you have now, and get used to life with 2 before you worry about the third. I’m coming at this from my personal perspective but dh & I were sure we’d have a third - once we had 2 though, we realised that was us done.

In a few months/weeks, when you feel ready, you will be able to sort a birth debrief with the hospital. That will help you understand what happened, what your options are next time and they will make plans with you for a future pregnancy.

Congratulations on your new baby.

Thankyou all
I do feel a bit better I think I just (stupidly perhaps) had got so set with my plans for the perfect birth and recovery and to try again quite soon that it’s been a shock.
I had kept being told that if I was positive etc then my body could do it etc etc and in hindsight that probably wasn’t the best kind of birth preparation for me to have gone for as i had such high expectations that it has made the crash down harder when it was the total opposite

Our plan was to try after 6 months or so but maybe that will just be pushed back and be ok ? It was just my age worrying me but I suppose there’s nothing I can actually do. I’ll just enjoy what i have and I suppose hope that I’m not too old in a year (I need to find out if that’s long enough to be safe for ttc)

I had an emergency section including a T Incision on my womb and went on to have another 3 kids . It will be a section again likely but it’s amazing how the body heals .

They tell you to wait a year before trying again

@ichifanny

They tell you to wait a year before trying again

This seems to vary a lot, some places say just 6 months, others have no fix time. I have heard longer. We started trying at about 6 months after section 2.

It sounds to me like.you are displacing your trauma about your birth onto feelings about another baby.

It is ok to feel crappy about a birth that didnt go to plan. But - honestly - the chances that you are damaged internally are tiny. I'm birth obsessed and I've never come across that unless they had to do a hysterectomy.

If I were you I would:
A) make sure you are being looked after. Do you have a partner? Make sure you are kept stocked with tea/chocolate/steak/tv/cuddles - whatever you are into.
B) make sure you are doing everything to help yourself heal. I've heard great things about Spritz for your Bitz. Otherwise follow your doctors guidance, make sure you are eating and drinking plenty, get out for short walks if you can and don't push yourself.
C) have a birth debrief. An EMCS can be for loads of reasons and some of them arent really a 'panic style' emergency. Do you know why you needed them? Understanding what happened will help
D) Talk to your GP. Trauma around birth can easily develop into PND.

Be kind to yourself, the emotions after birth are like no other.

Seems like you just want to skip over this poor baby to the next one!

Yes I am being really well looked after, no complaints there at all.
I will see if I can arrange a debrief maybe they would even do it by phone if they can’t do it in person

I think the biggest mistake I made was believing that I had more control than I did that if I could just do things a certain way very natural/ hypnobirthing/ that it would 100% be fine not to say that ways wrong as it works for a lot of people but I believed I could get through it all with no intervention so strongly that it was more shocking to me when it didn’t go to plan

No not at all I don’t want to skip over anything at all I’m just trying to find somewhere to get out how I feel. My birth didn’t go to plan which has affected the plans we had for the future

I love my baby very much. I don’t just want to push her aside for the next one it’s not like that at all.
I just feel like I’m in shock at 1) the birth and 2) afterwards postnatally

Give yourself time to heal.
Both physically and mentally.

If it helps I had 2 emcs , I got pregnant ( a bit unexpectedly ) just under a year after the last c section , so the surgeon decided I would need an elective section around 2 weeks before due date. It's a lot calmer walking into theatre not in labour, also handy knowing due date

@RosieLemonade leave off. It's clear the OP isnt thinking like that at all.

I think hypnobirthing can be great and going in with a positive mindset and feeling as relaxed as possible will help no matter what birth you end up with, however I think it can also be almost dangerous with the focus on natural birth to the exclusion of any other outcome. Some of the stuff made me angry as it seemed like a distortion of reality.

I was lucky that I had two course leaders, and one of them was very down to earth and said "you will have the birth you have, and it was always meant to be that way" (I'm paraphrasing) - some births will just never happen without intervention. Remember you didn't do anything wrong, it just needed to end up being a c-section. Hope you can focus on the positives of the here and now and what you can do in your recovery, not what you can't - I'm sure you're doing brilliantly

Just a quick reminder that you have achieved something that very few of us have: birthing in a pandemic.
When you get a moment to reflect on how crazy this world has become in just a short space of time, do give yourself a pat on the back.
Look what you achieved?!
Putting a birth plan in place often feels like you have to follow an agenda. Maybe the baby didn't get chance to read the rules or maybe s/hes just a rule breaker.
Be in awe of your wonderful self!!