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How did your NCT group work? Are you close?

53 replies

HelloHolaGutenMorgen · 19/08/2020 13:57

If you are a parent and did NCT classes how did you find making friends with them all? Did it work out and did you all end up a big group of friends or did you divide into different groups?

I think I can be a stupidly anxious person and always overanalyse everything. I've had the same group of friends since secondary school that I see a lot (pre covid). I also have some university friends that I meet up with but see them more one on one as they are quite different. I say this as I wonder if I just struggle with new people maybe?

We moved to a new area when I was pregnant and so we are nowhere near my old friends.

We did NCT classes last year and everyone seemed really lovely. Despite this I found it hard to bond with anyone else straight away. It's a big group of 10! It's always very much small talk or about the babies. And then it goes into other work things and I just find it hard to compete for conversation sometimes. I'm an introvert generally. I feel like I'm always different, always a bit more shy, don't fit in somehow. But those anxieties tend to hold me back and I don't know if I'm being ridiculous and I'm not actually different, but feeling like I am which is making it hard to bond?

We did lots of whole group meet ups when the babies were first born. Always in cafes in our local area. It was lovely at first as everyone is so friendly in person and we were helping each other out with the newborn stage. Saying that, it was always a big group and I do find it hard to feel close to people unless it's 1:1.

Then we started doing a few baby groups together in smaller groups, but always different. No set smaller group, if you know what I mean. So it wasn't like it was always the same 4. But then covid happened! Groups dropped numbers, lots of us started distancing and then of course lockdown.

During lockdown we tried to organise group zoom calls but it just wasn't the same. And again it was all 10 of us but different people dropping in each time due to naps.

With restrictions easing we had a few distanced park meet ups. Always nice and chatty at the time, but I can't explain it - they always left me feeling a little cold. Like I still can't just relax. I don't know if they like me. They've tailed off again now with the poor weather and preparing returns to work (December babies!)

I was feeling a bit rubbish so bit the bullet and have seen 2 of them 1:1 for walks. I texted them and asked to meet. They are two that generally text back a bit more so that's why I asked them (a lot of the nct group I have never texted personally, which I regret now). On both occassions we went for a walk around a local park. It was nice, but you always need to get back for naps etc and I feel like you need to do it a few times to get to know each other well. I've just found out that those two actually go out for dinner lots. I'm starting to wonder if loads of them have made mini groups and I'm just not aware of it?

The stinker is the whole covid thing means I'm not comfortable going out to dinner or lunch (whatever!) anyway due to some family health conditions. So I don't even feel I can rectify it by organising anything really. :(

I'm basically kicking myself I didn't make more of an effort to do 1:1 catch ups pre covid.

I'm not returning to work before the new year, I don't really know the area and no groups seem to be opening up. I just feel a bit lost tbh and worried I've wasted my NCT experience!

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BikeTyson · 19/08/2020 14:01

I think it can be hit and miss. I was in a group of 8 and we did a few meet ups as a big group but more frequently as a smaller group / invited whoever was free to come along if they wanted but would typically end up with 3 or 4. All drifted apart a bit after maternity leave ended for most of us, and I now only really keep in touch with one of them. One lasting friend from 8 is a decent result for me as I’m a bit shy and don’t always take opportunities to make friends.

I know other people who have stayed friends with loads of their NCT groups, but that has tended to be where most of them are SAHMs or only work a couple of days.

OhToBeASeahorse · 19/08/2020 14:04

I think it varies. We were a group of 9. One distanced herself very early on. A couple of others I would say are more peripheral to the group but I think they may see each other more. I would say I'm good friends with 3 of them 2 years on - none of us are SAHMs.

HelloHolaGutenMorgen · 19/08/2020 14:05

I've spoken to two other people who did nct (the friends who live further away) and they said that with them smaller groups formed really quickly, either due to location or because there are always a few obviously bitchy, competitive ones! I don't think that happened here as we always did big groups when we could and a couple of them even said how nice it was that there were no competitive people! That was obviously a while ago now.

I'm definitely not competitive so hopefully I'm not 'that' person. I think I just need to chill out right? Blush

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Initforthecake1980 · 19/08/2020 14:07

Group of 6.
Met up probably once a month during mat leave. Not seen them since babies were 10 months old (they are now 2.5).
As far as I know none of them are in touch with each other.
We have a WhatsApp group still but I don’t see the point - they are basically a bunch of strangers. So I’m polite on the group chat but not invested in it.

I never had anything in common with any of them apart from having a baby......

HelloHolaGutenMorgen · 19/08/2020 14:10

I guess it's foolish to expect too much from a group of strangers who have nothing in common apart from babies! I think covid really messed up some of the mixing too.

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HelloHolaGutenMorgen · 19/08/2020 14:10

I feel like that @initforthecake1980 :(

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OhToBeASeahorse · 19/08/2020 14:16

Do you have a WhatsApp group? I found that v helpful

Cauterize · 19/08/2020 14:18

We were an initial group of 6, two of which I am very close friends with (now 6 yrs down the line!). We see each other often, have holidayed together, supported each other through some crap times etc.

Think NCT is a total lottery in terms of making genuine friends

HelloHolaGutenMorgen · 19/08/2020 14:19

We do, it's just gone a bit dead tbh. I think I need to realise that it's OK if we're not all best friends. 😂 It just seems a shame!

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TheIckabog · 19/08/2020 14:21

We had a group of only 3 couples. We set up a WhatsApp group and I met one of them once when the babies were 4 months old but that’s it. We were all very different people and just didn’t click.

My friend however was a group of 10 couples, they are all best mates (including the husbands), they go for nights out together, message all the time... a lot of them are now all having second babies and they are all still close.

I think it can be very hit and miss. I’m naturally an introvert as well but really wanted that support network that can help so much with a new baby so I forced myself to do loads of different baby groups and I’ve made a few friends through that but no one I’m very close too. I don’t have many close friends (though I’ve got a reasonably wide circle of general friends) but I’m fine with that as that just suits my nature. I struggle to make close friends generally so I knew I probably wouldn’t make any close baby friends either.

AnneBullen · 19/08/2020 14:23

Gosh don’t worry. Unless you have an actual abhorrent personality, I’m sure these women like you well enough. Turning up, checking in, organising meet ups is enough for now, and the rest will come in time.

Certainly for the first year it is actually all about the babies, just accept that and go with it for now. It’s a gateway to a deeper friendship. Keep texting and arranging the walks, and get closer to the two that you like the most as they will take you with them into the wider group. Also, don’t be shy about asking to be included in dinners and things (when you are comfortable).

Also, keep suggesting, keep texting (any outdoor groups meeting? Mum and baby exercise?). Repetition and exposure build friendships. These people aren’t expecting wit like Mae West’s or the intellect of Mary Beard, they just want someone nice enough to hang out with, and you are doing fine.

FWIW there was originally 9 of us in our NCT and I recognise the “you” of the group if that makes sense. She stopped hanging out with us eventually and it was a shame. There are five of us now and we are probably best friends and our kids are 9.

DeliciousBass · 19/08/2020 14:27

I distanced myself from my NCT group. I just didn't feel it and I'd made good friends with one of them who I see alone. I'm happy with that. The others I just didn't feel much of a bond. We'd had babies at similar times and that was the only thing in common for me. I don't regret doing NCT. I've made a lovely friend out of it but I think ultimately it is just a bunch of people who are having babies at the same time. I'd rather be friends with someone with no baby who I get on with.

Redhair23 · 19/08/2020 14:31

close friends with three out of six couples as the others were not my cup of tea but we still all meet as a big group occasionally. I would say try to let it work out organically and give it a bit more time, especially as it’s been difficult to meet lately.

ThePug · 19/08/2020 14:44

Original babies are now 4.5 and about to start school! I’m close friends with one and I’m godmother to her second, we meet up weekly (pre Covid Angry ). We all still chat on WhatsApp but it’s a lot less frequent now. Pre Covid I’d meet up with a couple of the others once a month maybe when days off coincided, but there are a couple I saw much less of once they went back to work. We’ve always done an annual Halloween party and until this year a big birthday party for them as all 7 were born within a 14 day window.

DuckyMcDuck · 19/08/2020 14:45

I was very lucky, we had 8 couples initially and 5 of us jelled straight away. We met every week until the kids started school. By then, we'd all had seconds and so continued to meet until the siblings started school. 2 couples moved away and it dropped down to less frequently but the other 3 of us met on Monday to discuss the kids A'level results!!

However, I also did a refresher class for DS2 and none of us met again so it's obviously a case of luck.

Pinnacular · 19/08/2020 14:48

Ours was a small group of six couples and didn't turn into much. One couple was very young and didn't want to socialise. Two couples moved country almost immediately after having children. Another couple were quite shy and didn't want to meet up and the last one I saw for a bit but then they moved away too. A bit sad really when everyone else's groups seemed to bond and stay friends for years. They were all nice people though.

Chocolateisa7adayfood · 19/08/2020 14:49

I found them cliquey and I didn't really fit in. I haven't seen any of them since the babies had their first birthdays. They are now awaiting their GCSE results!

Hopefully you'll make new friends when your child starts pre-school. That's a good way to meet other mums.

Chocolateisa7adayfood · 19/08/2020 14:49

The babies that is, not the parents. Duh! Grin

PatchworkElmer · 19/08/2020 14:53

Ours wasn’t great- there is a small group who still meet, but I’m not in it- and I’m genuinely ok with that. As someone else has said, I’d rather meet a friend I genuinely get on with than waste my time with others because we have babies the same age. My only close ‘Mummy friend’ I met at pregnancy yoga, and we would’ve been friends without having babies at the same time. It’s just pot luck.

Houseplantmad · 19/08/2020 14:58

Nearly 19 years later I still regularly see two of my NCT group and our DCs are still friends/socialise. At the beginning we all met every Friday but some of the group moved away or lost interest but both of these are firm friends and we've supported each other through all sorts of times. The DCs now go clubbing together!

mintich · 19/08/2020 14:58

I was in a group of 8. One left after an argument and one drifted away but the rest of us are close 3 years on and meet up often, with and without kids

SqidgeBum · 19/08/2020 15:02

Mine is a bit in the middle. When we were all on maternity leave we met every week (7 including me). Obviosuly as we went back to work we didnt meet as much, and throughout covid we didnt chat much on whatsapp. However, now we are starting to see each other a little more, but some are more enthusiastic than others. Most of us dont have family around so we relied a lot on each other for company and advice and just meeting for sanity. 4 of us are pregnant on our second now/just had our second so I am hoping it will allow us to see each other again. I think covid has shot a lot of friendships and effort will be needed to build up relationships again. It does take pushing yourself to arrange meetups etc. I am pretty extroverted so I am a person who tends to organise things, but i understand how that would be difficult for an introvert. It can be done though.

DramaAlpaca · 19/08/2020 15:04

I was in a group of 8. All the babies arrived within three weeks of each other, which was nice. We continued to meet up for about a year, then grew apart as people moved away or went back to work.

Meanameicallmyself20 · 19/08/2020 15:14

We had. A group of 6, two moved away but still in touch with one of them. When they were little we met up at least once a week. Now three of them are also at the same school too! We were very lucky to have such a lovely group 😊

HelloHolaGutenMorgen · 19/08/2020 15:21

As a general rule, if you had a big group did you try hard to message them all separately or just focus on those you seemed closer to or who also made an effort with you?

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