Were your friends parents ever mean to you?

[funnyonion1]

I was born in the late 80s / childhood in the 90s just for context as I hope these days this doesn't happen.

When I was about 8 years old I went for a sleepover at a good friends house (had been on multiple sleepovers before but this one stands out the most). In the morning we had Rice Krispies with milk for breakfast. I said I didn't eat my cereal with milk but she forced me to eat it. I remember crying and gagging over the cereal bowl and she wouldn't let me leave without eating it. I managed a couple of spoonfuls before she gave up.

Then when my mum came to pick me up and I told her what happened, she didn't take my side or defend me (which is for a whole other thread!).

As a mum of two, I can't imagine doing anything like this to my own DC let alone other children!

I remember going to a friend's house after school in primary 1 so would have been 5 and the mum shrugging and telling me "it's her house" when I told her that my friend was being horrible to me and leaving me out. I know it doesn't sound much but I just can't imagine being so heartless to a 5 year old friend of my children.

Aged 13 a friend's drunk mum pinned me up against a wall and was in my face shouting at me that I better not have punched her daughter. Friend had a sore, red eye some sort of reaction to something.

Finally there was the very strict but beautiful mother of another friend of mine who used to make fabulous roast lunches and she'd sneak chocolate in to the bedroom we were sleeping in that night, and then come back later to say goodnight and then do this little act of faux outrage that she could smell chocolate and say "I hope you aren't eating it under the covers" which made us all laugh.

This reminds me of another friend I had regular sleepovers with. In the morning her Mum would ask if we wanted a ' proper breakfast' or 'a breakfast your mums wouldn't approve of'. Of course we chose the second option so she said "OK. Well I'm off for a bath. If you choose to eat crisps and chocolate while I'm out of the room that's up to you". She was ace

a friend not another friend. Thanks autocorrect

This is why I am not too keen on long, unaccompanied playdates for young children, as there is a lot of potential for misunderstandings or upset. Nor sleepovers.

A few of these are situations that it really is a parent's responsibility to sort out - if a child can't eat certain foods, why on earth didn't their parent tell the hosting parent that was the case? I know that times have changed, but still...

Others are just evidence that there are some plainly horrible adults out there.

Good to know there were some friendly parents out there too TheFormerPorpentinaScamander

Mostly my friends' parents were better than mine, but once my friend's father tried to put his hand up my skirt for a feel.
I told my mother and she laughed.

When my family moved to a part of the country known to not like outsiders, I made a friend who's mum wouldn't let me round to play as I wasn't a local. She wouldn't let her go out with me either unless a local friend was going too. She thawed out a little eventually but I was never fully accepted.

at some of these. Surely if you had a young child staying or visiting in what is a strange house for them, you'd go out of your way to make them feel welcome and comfortable. Why bother having them over at all if you won't look after them properly?

Just remembered the friend who's mum pinned me against the wall lived in a slightly better off area to me. It wasn't a posh area but mine was certainly rougher but not the roughest. Anyway the mum was dropping me home one day and said to my friend in front of me something along the lines of "well you certainly won't be coming down here". Funny thing is while the mum thought she was better than everyone she enjoyed a drink (understatement) and while drink she was one of the roughest people I've met in my life. Screaming and causing fights in the street, kicking neighbours doors, ruining sleepovers and leaving her daughter in tears etc. This has turned into a bit of a rant but God what a bitch she was .

My primary school BF’s mum was an absolute bitch to me. My mum always thought she was alright until I told her this story a few years ago. My mum had a week of very early mornings at work and had asked friend’s mum if she could take me to school. They lived around the corner and there was space in the car so realistically it wasn’t any hassle for her. I remember just before we left for school, brushing my hair and plaiting it for the day. I patted my head and said “there perfect”, as my mum would do and she told me I wasn’t perfect. When I asked why, thinking I’d got it wonky she told me to shut up it just wasn’t. I remember feeling sick with worry as an adult had never spoken to me like that before. I didn’t say anything to my mum and for the rest of the week she wouldn’t answer the door to me and left me (aged 9) to walk to school on my own. The worst time was her driving past me in the rain, waving at me and smirking. Looking back, she would have been about the age I am now and I can’t help but wonder if she’s a sociopath? I asked my mum what else was going on with us around that time and she said it was when she qualified in her career field and got a well paying job, moved us from council housing and got a new car. Surely jealousy wouldn’t drive you to being nasty to a child but perhaps she didn’t have the balls to do it to my mum’s face.

God some of these stories are awful, including the reaction of some of the parents! How could you laugh off someone putting their hand up your child’s skirt?!

Some of these stories are awful. And some of this still goes on btw. Dds friend and her family have sat and eaten takeaway in front of her more than once and offered her nothing. Not even some crisps. This is a child, who I’ve fed countless times btw. I mean countless proper meals and quality cuts of steak etc. And will come to my home, declare herself hungry and dd will give her food. Another time they invited dd then once cooked pretended the meal had gone off and put it in the fridge. Then offered a few slices of pizza. They’ll go and get all manner of food and fruit and offer her nothing etc. Dd is too polite to ask and no one offers.

Dd and her friend when they were 6 asked another mother if they could have a playdate at her house. In front of dd she said no that she owed a playdate to another child. This was a couple of weeks after a play date at ours and another time when dh had taken her dd out for the day to a local attraction, fed her etc. Clearly she sees me as less important to impress...

Another time dd was at someone’s house. The children all ran up the stairs and according to the mother my dd deliberately pushed her dd and she slipped. My dd had no idea, runs in the opposite direction to arguments let alone physical altercations. The mother took her aside and shouted at her for quite a protracted period apparently according to dd and another friend. Dd repeated what she said and it was pretty awful. Dd was about 9 and she singled dd out because she used to be very tall for her age, which the mother interpreted as big = bully.

Sorry pretty garbled. Got a migraine atm...

I grew up in the fifties, when life was very different. I was about five, and playing with a group of other children at a friend's house, and we were taking turns at sliding down the bath. The father came in, so angry, and smacked each of us in turn, really hard. I remember crying, but didn't want to tell my parents why, in case I got smacked again. It was a different era back then.

I think some of the food stories was normal back then. I was born in the 70s and I remember enough times that I was supposed/made to eat what was given and not complain about it. I also sometimes didn't get enough food because I was chubby. For example I was invited for a whole day on someones boat and all I was given to eat for lunch was 1 sandwich (the rest was allowed to eat as much as they wanted, I was told that this would be enough for me), for dinner everyone had big pieces of chicken and sauce and bread rolls and I was given 1 cooked egg and about ten green beans. I was the only friend their daughter had and never went away with them again because of it so I don't get why you would treat a daughters friend like that. The mother was even crying to my mother about her daughters lack of friends.

I don't remember any nastiness from parents, but I was a very quiet compliant child who was probably looked on as being a good influence. I have a lot of memories of friend's parents doing things like having us help make dinner and praising us, singing "I'm a little teapot" (that's a dad who received a knighthood a number of years down the line and dh sometimes hears his name said with breathless admiration as they're in a similar line of work, and I remember him being a lovely family man who was always fantastic to his dc and to friends!), hell=ping us climb trees etc.

However one thing that always sticks in my head was I'd gone round to play with a friend who lived fairly close to us, but I didn't play often. We were what I'd call friendish-liked each other but had different circles at school. I must have been about 8 or 9yo.
We went round to play at her neighbours, a girl about our age, that went to the other school so I didn't know. We were playing a lovely game, really nice, but her little brother, he was noticeably younger so I'd guess 5 or 6yo, was deliberately being annoying. Coming up and pulling her hair, things like that.
She ignored him for ages, then suddenly shouted at him that she was going to tell "dad and then you'll get a belting," and went off to tell of him.
Later we passed him crying on the stairs. I remember feeling shocked because although he'd been very irritating, I didn't think he deserved that.
Having said that, it could have been that he was simply told off and didn't like that, so it might not have been as bad as I assumed. It was the 80s though.

hell=ping helping!

Also if someone was nasty or bullying I couldn't tell my parents because they'd ask what I did to deserve that. As an expat child I had an accent and sounded weird. According to my parents I probably wasn't nice enough and should be nicer to those bullies. I was made to feel that anything bad that happened was my fault. Illness was my fault too. I was never given medicin or painkillers because I should stop whining and get stronger. My character was weak if I was in pain. I wasn't alloowed to see the GP more than once a year in case the GP would think them whining parents. DH was also brought up like this, (neglected broken arm etc.).

It took me until this phase of my life to realise that my childhood best friends mother never perceived me or indeed my family to be "good enough" and I feel really sad for the child that I was (with not the best circumstances), for an adult to almost childishly resent that you are the best friend their child has chosen and not the more well to do child from "the nicer family"

Friendship died a death after school years over, and I developed a long term illness, but I look at it now with adult eyes and I think

"A, you were a complete bitch to an innocent and struggling child, and that thing that happened to you feels like direct karma in action"

The only sympathy I have was the realisation of her own youth as a parent and that she was likely far too immature herself to navigate certain parenthood challenges.

God some of these stories are so sad.
I went to a party when I was seven it was to my eyes an amazing event. I was so absolutely thrilled and happy and over excited to be there. Anyway, I forgot I'd just put a mouthful of jelly in my mouth and someone said something funny, I laughed and it shot across the table. I was so embarrassed and mortified and shrank into my chair, trying not to cry. The story went around the whole school that I had no manners and the party girl came up to me the next day and told everyone that her mother was disgusted at my behaviour and I would never be invited to her house ever again. I was heartbroken because I had always liked her and her mum and she always invited the whole class. I spent a year worrying that I would be the only one not invited to the next one, she did, but it still sticks in my memory because it was accidental rather than intentional. My next school was much better.

A stupid one that’s stuck in my head - was at a friends for tea, probably about aged about 12. It was served with bagged salad, which I declined.

Friends dad smirked and asked ‘do you not have salad at home?’

Um, yes, I do, but not those limp, bitter excuses for a leaf. Which I still don’t like as an adult. Pass me the spinach and lambs lettuce.

It was the sneeriness with which it was said, such a level of judgment over something so banal. I can still hear his voice. Unpleasant man.

I wore a pair of black shorts and a reasonably large shirt when I was around 11 (nothing exposed other than a bit of my legs, as we were going to the beach) and my friend's father said to her that he would never let his daughter wear something like that, as he wouldn't want her to get raped.

Pretty f-ed up really, given that I was 11, wearing much more than necessary while at the beach, and if anything had happened to me it wouldn't be my fault. Would pull my future children out of that situation immediately if a parent said something like that to them tbh.

Just another one that sprung to mind, not mean but just quite . I can’t imagine ever doing the same.

I’d started a new school and we’d all went out alone for one of the first times into town for a meal together.

The toilets were upstairs and as I went, alone, the staircase got busy and I was sexually assaulted from behind. I never saw him, only his shoes. It lasted seconds and I was too shocked and confused to shout for help.

When the mother who was picking us up arrived she quite literally didn’t react. I explained what had happened and she said nothing and just stared at me. I was later labelled to other parents in the friendship group, and my friends, as a bit of a fantasist that should be watched out for.

I told my parents and they got really angry. At me. They kept telling me I must have done something to encourage it.

It was 1996. I don’t think this would be the reaction now!

I'm now worried that I am the horrible mum I've read about in this thread! I co parent my DC (6) and won't take any silliness at meals, given whats given and I expect it gone. Recently found him hiding meals under tables etc...
I dont have mum friends, am I being too harsh? I can get really very upset at DC when doesnt eat what is given. I tend to make him eat it all, this is where the meal hiding has started prehaps? I think he gets child friendly food at his dads (ie. Small portions of chicken nuggets, pizza - very relaxed rules on eating. I once saw his dinner consist of 3 chicken nuggets and bread)
At my house I try and make sure DC has abit of everything - wholemeal toast, pie & veg, risottos - he requests meatballs (tinned low quality kind) not a problem - but ill load the sauce with carrots, spinach chopped up small - and he will complain ive ruined it.

Am i being the same 1970s horrible mum here? I thought this was just the way parents behaved!

........i guess I am lucky as I cant recall anyone parents being mean to me as such. I was a good child that parents found likeable (in my teenage years I was seen as the trouble maker to stay away from though )

My own story is my friends story, she had a terrible bladder problem that meant she smelled like urine alot, always in clothes too small for her, always looked unclean and unkempt.
I felt sorry for her and befriended her.
Invited her over to my house.

She came over to play. We were probably around 6/7, after she went my mother told me she was never to come over ever again.

A few days later I told her we couldn't be friends, as i started to get bullied myself, ive never forgiven myself for it.

I cant imagine my DC ever bringing a child over, and reacting like the way my mum did (who is funnily enough, lovely otherwise!)

Funnily enough, im in my mid 30s now, and myself and the girl my mum was so venomous against, are still friends!!! Ive never brought myself to ask her if she can remember the time I "dumped" her though:( im sure she does. I remember how sad she looked at the time.

Hiccup Forcing your child to clean their plate is a terrible idea and sets them up for food issues later in life. I really suggest you read more about this and change your approach, you will be doing damage.