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Were your friends parents ever mean to you?

110 replies

funnyonion1 · 18/08/2020 13:23

I was born in the late 80s / childhood in the 90s just for context as I hope these days this doesn't happen.

When I was about 8 years old I went for a sleepover at a good friends house (had been on multiple sleepovers before but this one stands out the most). In the morning we had Rice Krispies with milk for breakfast. I said I didn't eat my cereal with milk but she forced me to eat it. I remember crying and gagging over the cereal bowl and she wouldn't let me leave without eating it. I managed a couple of spoonfuls before she gave up.

Then when my mum came to pick me up and I told her what happened, she didn't take my side or defend me (which is for a whole other thread!).

As a mum of two, I can't imagine doing anything like this to my own DC let alone other children!

OP posts:
OnSilverStars · 18/08/2020 14:37

My friend's dad once told me I had "shit-brown eyes" I was about 8 or so. I still remember it obviously. How could you say that to a child?!

LightDrizzle · 18/08/2020 14:41

“ My friends Dad called me the ‘biscuit barrel’ which did not feel very kind.”

Lol! I do note a theme with your current username though Ilovesausages Wink

YourObedientServant · 18/08/2020 14:45

Not my friends' parents but my grandmother said cutting, mean things to be constantly and destroyed my confidence. My parents didn't say anything and I was a shy and compliant child who internalised it all.

To this day I have a small spark of fury at my parents for not standing up for me and telling her to stfu, but she was a typical matriarch and ruled the roost.

When she died she had left very large legacies to some people in the family and nothing at all to others who did not find her favour, she was just that type.

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squanderedcore · 18/08/2020 14:56

Oh gosh Namechange84 that's taken me right back to when it definitely wasn't polite to say "ok"!

I was friends with someone whose mother was rather a formidable cookery teacher at our school and they lived a sort of "sustainable" lifestyle back in the 70s when "The Good Life" was all the rage. I was invited back to play one day, shown the hens and the veg patch and we played and then I was served (I think) a goats cheese and asparagus home baked quiche for tea accompanied with tomato salad, which, looking back, was probably delicious but at the time was a bit much for me (a nervous nine year old with a dairy intolerance and a hatred of raw tomatoes). I remember being very polite and trying a bit but only being able to swallow a few mouthfuls. Let's just say the mother made her displeasure known at the table and I still remember how ashamed I felt (it was probably worse because she was a teacher).

As an adult, I can understand her pov, that she had gone to the trouble of making pastry etc after a busy day teaching and she was understandably pissed off when it wasn't appreciated. Also, I seem to recall that this little girl didn't have friends back very often and had been talking excitedly the visit for ages, and I had the strong impression that I had let everyone down by being too quiet or not behaving in the way they wanted somehow. ( I was a very unconfident child.)

What was bad though was that the mother was really horrible to me in cookery class from that day on, singling me out for punishments etc, when she had previously been fine. I remember the daughter sympathising with me at break when she found me upset, but at the same time trying to justify her mother's behaviour. (V difficult situation for her but I remember being angry at the unfairness.) Needless to say, that particular friendship didn't last and based on that experience, I've always served my dd's friends "child-friendly" things I know they like and I let them choose and serve themselves. The mother did teach me to make very light pastry though, I'll give her that! Grin

I do remember one mother of another friend who was welcoming in other ways, asking me very intrusive questions about how often I bathed and changed my underpants, and how often my mother bought me new clothes (we weren't hard up or anything, and I was certainly clean and washed, but I did wear all my older siblings hand me downs which was normal back then). I remember feeling horribly embarrassed at the questions but was too polite to say anything. And this same mother used to make a huge deal of laying out her daughter's clothes (all beautiful and new) on the spare bed every night for the next day, as if to say "look what we have and you don't" Hmm

Finally there was the very strict but beautiful mother of another friend of mine who used to make fabulous roast lunches and she'd sneak chocolate in to the bedroom we were sleeping in that night, and then come back later to say goodnight and then do this little act of faux outrage that she could smell chocolate and say "I hope you aren't eating it under the covers" which made us all laugh.Grin

Ah, happy days (sort of!). Suffice to say, attitudes towards children have changed hugely for the better since the mid-seventies.

squanderedcore · 18/08/2020 14:57

Sorry, that was an essay Blush

MadameBrioche · 18/08/2020 14:59

One friend’s mum (a PE teacher) and dad christened me ‘Fatty’ and called me that which was lovely.

An uncle used to always say ‘she’s a long streak isn’t she’ whenever he saw me as I was tall for my age, which I’ve just found out is short for ‘a long streak of piss’. Nice.

NancyPickford · 18/08/2020 15:01

From the age of 12/13 up to about 16 I would spend every weekend with my best friend, staying over at hers. Her mother never seemed to mind and I would sit at the table with the family and be fed breakfast, lunch and dinner. They weren't exactly well-off but they had more money than we had (this is the late 60s/early 70s) and I sometimes think the mum felt sorry for me and made sure I got plenty to eat at the weekends.

Y0ubetterwerk · 18/08/2020 15:05

My story has so many specific details that I'll need to leave out; I suspect my childhood friend is on MN!

Group of us and it was the 'grad ball' at high school. I wasn't drinking and became the agony aunt at the after party. Friend got shit faced and locked herself in the toilet. I had to take her home as she was in no fit state to stay.
Taxi to her house and her mum went mental at me. Absolutely insane at the fact her state was my fault. Not really sure how she rationalised that one but I was so upset at the time. She was always off with me from then and I hadn't done anything other than look after her daughter when no one else was capable.
I think if DS came home in a state, I'd be grateful to the pal who brought him home rather than blaming them!!

Wowcherarestalkingme · 18/08/2020 15:07

When I was home from uni one holiday, my parents had the neighbours round who we had known about ten years. My brother and I were friends with their children and we went to school together. I despised the father. He was rude and not a nice person. When I walked in the first thing he said was, ‘god you’ve put on some weight.’
Lovely thing to say to an 18 year old.
He was such a prick. So pleased when they moved and never had to see him again.

unmarkedbythat · 18/08/2020 15:12

Yes, but I think being unkind to children was far more tolerated when I was young than it is now. I know some people like to clutch pearls about how we are raising a generation of spoiled brats but I disagree and much prefer it not being ok to be harsh with children simply because they are children.

Notverygrownup · 18/08/2020 15:14

MmeBrioche - I was v tall and thin too but my uncle used to say I was a 'long streak of bacon' - old midlands saying - so maybe your Uncle wasn't being quite so uncomplimentary . . .?

Notverygrownup · 18/08/2020 15:15

He did used to say that I had feet as big as rowing boats too - but I loved him dearly, and would forgive him anything.

MadameBrioche · 18/08/2020 15:22

Ah Notverygrownup maybe that’s what he was thinking of, he was normally lovely so I was a bit Hmm when I first heard the full phrase.

Notverygrownup · 18/08/2020 15:29

Yes, long streak of bacon, or long streak of dripping (which doesn't make sense, as dripping is in a pan or bowl) but you've just reminded me of it.

(Bet most MNetters have never had bread n dripping! Bleeugh! )

LemmysAceCard · 18/08/2020 15:30

I am a child of the 70's and my parents never stuck up for either. I still get a burning rage of the injustice of things that i was accused of . Growing up then was horrible, kids had no say or help. The adult was in charge and you knew it. If you got blamed for something, tough, if you hadnt done it and could prove it, still tough.

I was a tiger mum to my kids (adults now). Nobody messed with them. Obviously i didnt take what they said blindly, but i would go to the school if i thought they hadnt been dealt with correctly.

Once my eldest came home in tears, he was about 6 and he and a friend had been on the grass without realising they were not allowed to. Teacher told them off. Fair enough. But she went on about how naughty they were, if they couldnt behave they would need to go to a different school etc. Poor son was hysterical. I was reliably informed that after my phone call to her the next day she was visibly upset. And i am not sorry about that at all.

SOME - not all, only some (and a very small minority) - teachers are utter bastards to the kids they teach. and only become teachers for the power trip.

SamsMumsCateracts · 18/08/2020 15:34

Yes, I got invited to a friends for tea for the first time when I was eleven. Her mum had made curry, which I'd never had before. They laughed at me for not having had it at home and when it came to tea time, she'd added a load of extra chilli to my portion, while the rest of the family's was fine. There were no drinks on the table as they had them after their meal, but my curry was so hot that I threw up almost immediately. My friends dad was so angry with me that he marched me to the front door and made me leave. It was 6pm, the middle of winter, pitch black and two miles from my house. I eventually arrived home, freezing, without my bag and coat and in floods of tears. My mum was horrified and immediately drove round to give them a piece of her mind and collect my things. I'd never ever seen her so angry, before or since. She's normally a very quiet, non confrontational person.

I don't think my friend ever spoke to me after that night, except she did tell everyone at school. I was bullied relentlessly for the rest of high school by the rest of her group.

YNK · 18/08/2020 15:37

About age 6-7 I begged to be allowed to go along with with my friend and her older sister and her friend to visit another of the older childrens friends (all about 10yo). My mum made me promise to all stick together and listen to the older girls when crossing roads etc.
We were all invited in to the house and play in this girls bedroom. We were all jumping on the beds but not really doing much harm but of course the beds were messed up.
This girl lived with her grandmother and it was quite a posh house (to me), and the grandmother looked like a professional woman.
Anyway, the GM came in and was furious. The girl immediately said I'd messed up the beds and that I was a catholic. I didn't understand the significance of this but the GM was absolutely terrifying. She grabbed me very roughly and physically threw me out. I was crying and scared and could not go home without the others because of the roads. I stayed in the street crying and I could hear the rest of them in the bedroom still jumping on the beds and having fun while the grandmother periodically came to another window telling me to get away or she would call the police. She also said some terrible things about catholics that I didn't understand.
I told my mum and she was angry but i guess my family accepted how things were and just told me never to go near this girls house again.
I look back now with utter horror at how an adult could do that to a little child.

Looneytune253 · 18/08/2020 15:39

I wouldn't have said that was proper mean. I'm quite a fun happy go lucky parent but I don't pander to fussy eaters. You get what you're given in this house. Lol.

crosser62 · 18/08/2020 15:42

Remember going to play at friends house and watching them eat lunch at lunch time starving but offered nothing.
Wanting to not be at my own house because of DV.
Being sent to wait in another room for them to eat their tea, again offered nothing.was below the age of 10.

dwiz8 · 18/08/2020 15:45

I remember going back to a friends house for dinner after school and her mum had an absolute melt down because I asked if she had any salt

She served child's and pizza and I wanted to put some salt on my chips, she yelled that I was complaining about the food I was served, how I should be grateful to be invited round for tea not complaining about the lack of seasoning Hmm

I cried and ran out and went home (I was 8) my mum had an absolute row with her about it though Grin

AWhistlingWoman · 18/08/2020 15:46

My little sister's friend's mum told her I dressed like a slag. I was so upset! Now, as an adult, I am so puzzled as to why an adult would tell an eleven year old girl that! People are weird!

ImNotWhoYouThinkIam · 18/08/2020 15:46

My best friend's dad was never mean to me, but he always made it clear he didn't like me or my family.
Apparently the first time I ever went round for dinner he said after I left "well I hope she never comes again". I was 4 :( I have been assured that I was perfectly polite and didn't do anything to warrant that comment.

YouJustDoYou · 18/08/2020 15:50

Friend's mother hated me. Don't know why. This wasn't at home, but at school - where she taught. The mother would pick on me, mock me in front of other students, laughed when some of my things got stolen, and one sleep over apparently told al the other parents I was the sole reason their children were tired because I had "deliberately kept every one awake" (I was the FIRST ONE ASLEEP). when I finally.plucked up the courage to go to another teacher to tell them everything that was happening, she just said "ok", and nothing was ever done.

OohThatCat · 18/08/2020 15:53

When I was little I used to play with two little boys on my road. One was same age as me, other was a couple years younger. Once day the youngest fell off the climbing frame in their back garden and although not badly hurt in any way, was upset.

Their Dad gave me, and only me, a massive telling off. Not his big brother, not the kid himself for behaving like a lunatic on a climbing frame.

He told me "as the girl" it was my job to watch the boys and not let them hurt themselves. I was 8 years old!

Thanksitsgotpockets · 18/08/2020 15:56

I can remember a few times friends being bought treats... ice creams etc.. And being left out. I couldn't imagine doing that to my childrens' friends.

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