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Original poster

What does a funeral look like if someone has no money?

37 replies

Florencenotflo · 15/08/2020 20:59

Dh's best friend died a few days ago. He has no family, no children, just friends. We are closest to him so we're being asked about his funeral.

He has nothing, he lived in accommodation provided through his job, and had about £150 in cash to his name. I know this because we've been paying his bills and food throughout lockdown because he wasn't able to work (shielding).

So if he has no money, what happens about his funeral? We can possibly put about £1k towards it, but that will wipe us out, we'd have to get a loan for more money. We want him to have a half decent send off, ironically he used to say that when the time came we should just chuck him off the side of a boat etc. So he wouldn't have wanted anything flash.

But if we can only afford £1k, what will be provided by the local authority? I've tried google but not much luck so far.

OP posts:
TinkersRucksack · 15/08/2020 21:02

To my understanding, barely anything. He'll be buried or cremated but no service, no cars, no actual funeral.

Would it be possible for you to collect his ashes then scatter them somewhere important to him?

Sorry you're going through this Thanks

Blanketyblanket · 15/08/2020 21:05

My dad was absolutely insistent that we do it as cheap as possible when he died. We paid less than 1k - had a cremation but still needed to pay for a coffin as we had a service beforehand but there’s probably a way around that. Service was at the funeral home so no cars needed. Flowers from my mums and various friends gardens, a few really lovely speeches then off to the pub where everyone bought themselves a drink and went on their way. I don’t know if people said they thought it was cheap, maybe? We didn’t really care though. We were drunk with grief and trying to do what my dad had asked.

gamerchick · 15/08/2020 21:06

It'll probably be a direct cremation. No funeral.

You can always do that yourselves. It's cheaper and have a wake/memoriam to give him a send off.

AveEldon · 15/08/2020 21:07

www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/help-paying-for-a-funeral#what-happens-if-you-cant-afford-a-funeral

The council will pay for it
Don't waste your savings

Original poster
Florencenotflo · 15/08/2020 21:08

That's what I thought. I can't let him go like that. He deserves more than that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Florencenotflo · 15/08/2020 21:11

Sorry, that was in response to @TinkersRucksack

Sorry about your dad @Blanketyblanket but it's good to hear we could do something on a very small budget. I know other close friends would chip in, but we're talking a few hundred pounds. But if we have around £1k it looks like it's possible.

It's more the service that's important to DH/us. Not what coffin he has or even whether he's buried/cremated (I really don't think he had a preference).

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 15/08/2020 21:15

I’d try the coop or similar , do as cheap as you can and see if they will take instalments . Sorry for your loss .

picklemewalnuts · 15/08/2020 21:18

What kind of service are you thinking? Given the current restrictions, it's very limited anyway. I would allow the council to do what they need to do, and hold a separate 'wake/memorial' event that you can plan and organise yourselves and need cost next to nothing.

CMOTDibbler · 15/08/2020 21:20

I've lost both my parents during lockdown, and due to the circumstances, they both had direct cremations. That still cost £1700 for dads and £2000 for mums (no flowers, cheapest coffin etc). I couldn't bear the thought of 5 of us standing apart in the chapel tbh, it would have felt worse.
Let the council pay for the cremation, and you and his other friends organise something to remember him with properly

AveEldon · 15/08/2020 21:32

The cheapest option for a funeral you can attend is probably around £3K

Consider letting the council pay for a direct funeral and have a separate wake/memorial service

icelollycraving · 15/08/2020 21:36

Sorry for the loss of your friend. What a lovely couple that you’re trying to do something for him in this way.
Contact the council for them to provide the basic service. You can organise a wake or memorial for him and buy everyone a drink and toast him. Flowers

DinoDeb · 15/08/2020 21:37

Who are his next of kin?

There is a funeral grant you can apply for and if on benefits/below a certain income threshold it covers everything. You just need to find an undertaker willing to accept an IOU on the basis you qualify for the grant.

Sickoffamilydrama · 15/08/2020 21:42

I used to be an FD and the local council I worked with would try to personalise a little and allow mourners but it's a very brief service of bring the coffin in and say goodbye then leave the chapel.

Most FDs offer a simple service unfortunately cremation Fees are expensive our local ones charged £950 so you are looking at about £1100/200 for a direct to cremation service. A simple funeral is usually £1500-900

We considered doing the same for our neighbor luckily his estranged family stepped in.

Sorry for you loss Flowers

Sickoffamilydrama · 15/08/2020 21:44

Sorry should have said the simple funerals are usually that plus fees as obviously depending on were you choose the fees vary.

BertieBotts · 15/08/2020 21:48

When FIL died MIL was able to claim a grant to cover the funeral expenses, I think it covered up to £2k. The undertaker sorted it out for her (I think it helped that he was a family friend, but I would ask them anyway).

Vicliz24 · 15/08/2020 21:52

My husband works with homeless adults and sometimes has that situation. Usually what happens is the local council takes care of funerals . We have attended some and they have all been extremely respectful. In most cases the person is then cremated but we have known two who were buried . Just the burial was provided but you technically should then have the right to buy a headstone or ornamental memorial pot . Let the council pay for the funeral and then you'll have options of a wake or more permanent memorial to him . So sorry for your loss

Tiggles · 15/08/2020 22:01

I am a vicar and have taken several funerals which have been paid for by the council. I still take a full service even though it will just be at the graveside. When someone is able to give me any details about the person's life I would give a eulogy as part of the service.
I do not know if all vicars do similar, but morally it seems wrong to me not to do a full service just because someone can't pay. (I'm also in Wales where we charge much less for a funeral so could be different in England).

GoshHashana · 15/08/2020 22:01

Call me callous but I absolutely wouldn't be wasting much needed savings on this. My father (whom I didn't grow up with) died penniless and had a council funeral. It's harsh but I wouldn't have wanted my/his family to spend money on a pointless funeral.

Original poster
Florencenotflo · 15/08/2020 22:03

@DinoDeb probably his Ex-Wife although they never got round to divorcing, they were friends still. She's made no mention of wanting to arrange anything and she wouldn't have the money either. She's our friend too and from conversations over the last few days, I think she is expecting us to take on the organising. She isn't in the best of health anyway to do it.

As much as I see the sense in letting the council do the funeral and we have a service at a later date, I think DH would take some convincing. DH is very fixated on giving him a good send off.

OP posts:
hilariousnamehere · 15/08/2020 22:03

Have a look online for celebrants in your area - I'm not sure what they charge but they can create any kind of service, so could probably tailor something to go with a direct cremation perhaps?

hilariousnamehere · 15/08/2020 22:04

And I'm really sorry for your loss x

Original poster
Florencenotflo · 15/08/2020 22:07

@GoshHashana no I get that. If he was here he'd go mad at us thinking of using our savings for this. But in reality, he was a lovely person and an amazing friend. He had such an interesting life and had so many friends. I think DH sort of wants this formally acknowledged in the way other people who have a big family do.

I don't know. DH isn't in a good place right now, I'm not sure that trying to convince him not to do the cheap funeral we were thinking of is the best idea. Even if cheap is not that cheap.

But thank you for all the lovely helpful responses.

OP posts:
mostlydrinkstea · 15/08/2020 22:19

Another vicar here. One of my parishioners had a council direct to crem funeral as the family could not afford a funeral which in this, part of the world is thousands for even the most basic crem service. Graves can cost thousands if you want a burial. The family knew the day and time when it was happening and came and sat in the memorial garden in church and shared memories. I offered to come and say some prayers but they didn't want it. It marked the day and I believe there are plans for some sort of wake next year when people can gather in bigger groups.

With lockdown restrictions people are getting more creative with funerals.

Toddlerteaplease · 15/08/2020 22:20

My church used to do council funerals a they were ok. They would allow 1 car and a simple coffin. But no other trimmings I believe. Get in touch with the funeral director Who deals with them.

granadagirl · 15/08/2020 22:21

Get the government grant, if he’s on benefits you can claim upto 2k

You could just have him taken directly to to crem and all meet there(so no car expense)
Then have cremation and service at the crem chapel.

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