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Original poster

If you and your OH have totally different taste in decor and style, what did you do about it when you began living together?

32 replies

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/08/2020 14:41

Just that really. DP and I are moving in together. Have been browsing furniture.

He has terrible taste.

Even if I’m being charitable, it is taste that is very very different to mine. (I know my taste is good because the last two flats I’ve sold, the buyers have asked to buy some of the furniture as well )

I’m all for compromise in a relationship and I want him to feel like it’s his home as well: for a range of reasons the house belongs solely to me and I know he already feels a bit useless and that he isn’t contributing - I don’t want to compound this by blocking all his choices and essentially saying “this is MY house and I’LL decide what we have in it.”

But I also don’t want to be miserable because the living room looks like a student flatshare full of mismatching items!

How have couples here compromised on stuff like this?

OP posts:

TSSDNCOP · 14/08/2020 14:43

DH would say we compromised.

The reality was that I shamelessly manipulated situations to get my own way, which is simply better.

It's so good, he likes to have people round to show it off

79andnotout · 14/08/2020 14:55

DP and I each have strong opinions on design. Often they clash. It usually just takes an awful lot longer for us to find the compromise. I own our house too, so ultimately I have the final decision, but I rarely pull that one out of the bag unless I really have to. I pay for anything to do with renovation, but we split costs on furniture so that is always a full debate. We both really like the end results. He moderates some of my flamboyancy and I push him out of the boring zone.

KingOfDogShite · 14/08/2020 14:56

@TSSDNCOP

DH would say we compromised.

The reality was that I shamelessly manipulated situations to get my own way, which is simply better.

It's so good, he likes to have people round to show it off

This is how it’s worked out in my house too

Interested in this thread?

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Home improvement

BadLad · 14/08/2020 15:02

How have couples here compromised on stuff like this?

The house in her home country is decorated to her taste, except for the mancave, which is to mine.

Our other homes, she has found bedroom furniture which I'm happy with and I've found living room and dining room furniture that she likes, or so she says. Again, apart from mancaves. She has her own hobby rooms too, and I don't offer any opinions on how to decorate them.

BluePaintSample · 14/08/2020 15:03

Dh and I have the same taste but I am a SAHM so have a lot more time to browse than he does.

Say I am looking at tiles, I shortlist them and he chooses from that shortlist. That way we both get a say but I have already chosen things I can live with. Maybe try that approach?

Dh completely gets that it is my shortlist

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 14/08/2020 15:04

My DP asked me to help him decorate his house as he doesn’t have any preferences at all Or so he thought. Once we started looking he would often see something that caught his fancy. He just didn’t have the confidence to follow his instincts.

Because it wasn’t my house, I was able to go along with some of his more eclectic choices and make them work within a scheme.

As an example, he loves Star Wars. If he’d suggested a SW poster in my house, I’d have resisted hard! However, we found a poster which had all the colours of his kitchen in it, so it looked awesome! I realised I could learn something by being a bit less rigid.

A friend of mine would present two or three options to her DH and say “do you prefer this soft luxurious one, or the more basic plain one?” as a kind of leading question . He never twigged what was going on and strangely enough, always chose the right thing!

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 14/08/2020 15:08

My DH likes the dark Victorian look. It’s horrific, IMO.

But, I’m lazy when it comes to home decor so we have some light and airy rooms and a couple of gloomy ( IMO) ones that he’s decorated.

One day I’ll get the paint out and start covering up the dark walls...🤣

HeddaGarbled · 14/08/2020 15:13

We went for very neutral because it was the only thing one or other of us didn’t hate. 30 years later, we’re probably a little bit more adventurous but we definitely lean to the classic rather than fashionable.

eausolovely · 14/08/2020 15:32

This made me actually laugh because my other half is exactly the same he has such bizarre taste!

I let him pick things that I'm not that bothered about so like he wanted a new kitchen sink/tap and I went with the one he liked as it was nice enough. But you should never say oh yeah it's nice if you think it's foul! Just if they ever spot something they like and you don't mind it don't pass those opportunities up!

ifoundafoxcaughtbydogs · 14/08/2020 15:37

I often marvel at how DH and I always bookmark very similar items and have very similar taste.

But in another life I reckon it could be a different set of items that I chose. Yet I absolutely love our decor.

I think you end up finding a joint style that you're both happy with and sort of grow into it together.

I'm also pretty easy going and my husband is stylish so that certainly helped.

TomBradysLeftKneecap · 14/08/2020 15:44

DH brought home a second hand desk last weekend and he absolutely loved it. OMG, it was the ugliest, most moth eaten, heaviest monstrosity I’ve ever seen and I refused to let him bring into the house. I did help him put it on the curb with a “Free. Please take” sign on it and it’s still there. So that’s how we do It in our house 😄

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 14/08/2020 15:48

My DH loves “curiosities” and I once received a mysterious large box that I thought might be a gift. I screamed out when I saw the sheep’s head inside! Yes, it was a sheep’s head to mount on the wall. He’d seen it in a shop during a business trip and paid $$ to have it shipped to our house. . That’s horrific taste, IMO. 🤣

yikesanotherbooboo · 14/08/2020 15:49

We do similar to BluePaintSample . My DH likes to make decisions and if not involved will not like a purchase and complain about it so that I can't enjoy it either. I triage fabrics etc and he picks his favourite. The same goes for holidays. He does buy unilaterally sometimes out with my taste boundaries and I don't say anything it is his home too and his choices are as valid as mine .

Bmidreams · 14/08/2020 15:51

To start with we compromised, which in reality meant we had things that neither of us liked. By now he has given in and I do what I want, but what I really think happened is that he knew he could trust my choices.

NoSquirrels · 14/08/2020 15:52

Could you both make shortlists/Pinterest boards and then see if you have ANY common ground?

My DH gets less of his way than he'd like, but I also get less of mine than I'd like - you need to know the main things each of you would die on a hill for. My DH's is audio-visual kit, position and placement thereof, larger screens than I would prefer etc and comfort over style in terms of the sofa and 'his' chair so I get to choose the rest of the living room theme around that and make it work to my satisfaction.

Ninkanink · 14/08/2020 16:00

Thankfully we have very similar tastes, because decor is one thing I absolutely can’t compromise on - if it’s not right it offends my sensibilities in a very visceral way and I simply won’t countenance it.

I actually do compromise a fair bit because I don’t want to dictate to him, so I try to pick my battles. If I’m really invested I get the final say and if I don’t care so much he gets to pick. But his choices are still broadly within the realms of good taste, otherwise I don’t think I could compromise.

TheListeners · 14/08/2020 16:14

Generally I present him with suggestions and he gets to pick. Usually we agree. I'm quite indecisive so he can be helpful in actually choosing. He knows I won't have anything ugly or unsightly in most rooms so anything like that is in his office.

Something you could do is work out where the terrible taste is coming from. So PIL have to me pretty dodgy taste and at times DH can suggest stuff they would like. I then resort to Pinterest and Instagram to show better ideas or to get him to visualise what I am trying to achieve.

user1493413286 · 14/08/2020 16:17

We compromised; I largely chose the living room; he mostly chose the kitchen (with me adding the accessories) and he chose the furniture for the bedroom while I chose the bedding and curtains therefore added the colours I wanted into it. The living room is not particularly his taste but he doesn’t hate it and it’s got a comfortable sofa so he’s happy with that. The kitchen isn’t necessarily my first choice but it does look good, if a little dark so it’s fine by me.

RyanBergarasTeeth · 14/08/2020 16:19

I say we compromised. We didnt i decorated when he was at work. My dp likes white. And minimal. So minimal in fact he means very little furniture and absolutely no ornaments or pictures on the walls or rugs or anything homely at all. I on the other hand like homely, colour, decorations macabre and antique stuff. I let him choose one rooms wallpaper and bought all the furniture and everything else. Now he actually likes it and has bought his own posters we have framed and hung up which would have been unheard of last year.

MsEllany · 14/08/2020 16:40

@TSSDNCOP

DH would say we compromised.

The reality was that I shamelessly manipulated situations to get my own way, which is simply better.

It's so good, he likes to have people round to show it off

^^ this

I let him feel he was making a choice when I presented him with hot pink and pale blue for our bedroom, for example

Horsemad · 14/08/2020 17:20

I pretty much have the say, although we recently had a new bathroom that we were both quite involved in selecting - it went waaay over budget because of DH's choices... 🤨

I'm having free rein in the kitchen, which is next on the list. 🙂

Spandang · 14/08/2020 17:42

I moved in with DP and he decided most of my stuff was better than his so we got rid of a fair bit of his stuff.

But the stuff he wanted to keep, I’ve kept. And I’ve done that in a way that, makes sense. So the massive posters are now neatly framed in black frames and mixed amongst other pictures in matching frames.

Artwork he has bought, has leant itself to the colours of our sitting room.

So basically I go around and tie things together. Sometimes he has ideas that, just don’t work and I say so. But for the most part with a bit of sales ‘if we went for this we could do X’ or if ‘we put shelves there we will have more storage and you can put that thing you love there to show it off’ I generally get my own way.

Quite often they just don’t know any better and just choose something man-cavey because of that.

And quite often these items are black and functional rather than, beautiful and lovely to have.

Bit of careful persuasion and curation and you can actually come out quite well from it.

Also, I like saying ‘yes darling that’s lovely but we live in an 80s box and a globe cocktail cabinet just won’t look right’.

StripeyDeckchair · 14/08/2020 17:45

I know more then one couple who have this problem. In all cases the solution seems to be they do nothing to the house & it looks old fashioned and frumpy.

wagtailred · 14/08/2020 17:48

It all ends up a bit more boring than either of us would naturally pick. My husband has a good eye of design, particularly furniture so i cant complain its awful. He just isnt moved by colour. I like things softer and more colourful.

Shmithecat2 · 14/08/2020 18:03

DH doesn't really have a clue. He drew the line at a pink sofa, but otherwise he's more than relieved to leave me to it. I don't have a particular style or taste, I just buy what I like - as a consequence my sitting room for example looks a bit like a house clearance but we love it. I don't like matching suites or anything leather. He also has his own room/study/man cave at home - he chose his desk, I chose everything else. He's not that imaginative tbh, and I think he appreciates my suggestions.

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