When your neighbour thinks they are a porn star...

[nancy75]

Every time my neighbour sends her kids to their dad’s we have to put up with bellowing porn noises ( grunts, groans, fuck me’s, the works)

It’s loud to the point that we can hear them in every room of our house.

Tonight has been a particular extravaganza because they’ve got all the windows open.

Normally this is something I’d just laugh at (loudly, it’s very fake & quite comical) but I don’t want my daughter to have to listen to it (they don’t do it with the kids in the house, so they know it’s not child friendly)

How do I shut them up?

[Ooooosh]

I think I’d mock her noise really loudly to show her how ridiculous she sounds.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

It's all put on for attention. Oh listen to us we're getting it. Well we also know when you're not getting it, too.

[VictoriousSockPuppet]

Make a playlist

[squeekums]

@Mistymonday

Get a loud hailer and narrate it, David Attenborough style...

Please do this OP
and record it for the good of MN

[BlankTimes]

Could you line all the neighbours up along the street with scorecards like these miro.medium.com/max/700/1*xsySLEAsZn75ycsVgKFGCA.jpeg

When the noise stops, one of you hammers on the offenders' door so they look out and see all the scores

[stayingontherail]

Can you treat it as if it is porn? Write a note letting her know that you respect her right to watch porn when her children aren’t there but the volume is so load you could hear it from your front room last night and you don’t want your children to hear it, so please could you turn the volume down?

[mogloveseggs]

You need to play this loudly

[mogloveseggs]

Or get a microphone and comment on it like they do on the grand national "and they're off........"

[user1493413286]

Knock and ask if they’re ok because you heard some strange noises. I did that to our upstairs neighbours after months of 5am wake ups due to their noise; I was mock concerned that something was wrong and it never happened again

[Asdf12345]

I had a similar neighbour once. It used to make the TV shake on its wall mount.

When we bought them a worlds best sex maniac mug it stopped completely, much to our amazement they genuinely had no idea it was likely audible in the next time zone.

[TroysMammy]

@mogloveseggs I'm sure in the past I read a joke commentary about the Grand National eg Oh no Pink Knickers has fallen down, Big Willy coming up the rear. Until some horse comes first.

[Thewiseoneincognito]

Play WHO LET THE DOGS OUT very loud. It worked for us.

[BillywilliamV]

Find a recording of loud applause,,. whistles, yells for encore, etc. Wait until all goes silent after a heavy session and then play it very loudly at them!

[dancinfeet]

had this in a hotel where I was staying with my two daughters who were about 9 and 13 at the time. A couple in the next room having a porno reenactment at full volume. We found a round of applause complete with cheers and whistles on youtube, and played it at full volume on my laptop near the party wall. It went very quiet after that.

[Zippy1510]

Put a note through to door asking them to be considerate of the fact that all the neighbours children would prefer not to hear a play by play of them having sex. If they carry on start playing extremely loud porn as soon as their own children return.

[GlassMarble]

I think you must live next to our old neighbours @nancy75

When DD was 4 it was so bad at all hours of the day that we had to write them a letter explaining how much we could hear and telling them that it’s not fair to force a young child to listen to it.

In fairness they did keep it down after that and then moved out soon after as she was heavily pregnant by now

[humidityhair]

I would tell her that there were some loud noises coming from their house and it frightened your daughter because it sounded like someone being attacked & also a snarly cat fight.

Just make it sound as unattractive as possible!! Shame her.

If there are other neighbours write an anonymous note

We had elderly neighbours who did the same!

[Colycola]

We have this! The neighbour next door but one. I couldn’t hear it as my window was closed but my daughter came up and said there is a really weird noise coming from next door.

I opened the window, and Jesus Christ of course she was faking no one makes that much noise. My sons mate who lives over the road, text my son saying can you hear that.

So when they finished I stood in the back garden and clapped really loudly.

[ThatDamnScientist]

Anti social behaviour team who work with the police and council would probably deal with it (they deal with owners and private renters if there is an antisocial behaviour issue). Environmental health noise department?

It's not nice that you and your chold are having to listen to that.

[HopelessSemantics]

Record it and play it back loudly when her kids are there.

[FecktheBoss]

Take her details of a local sex therapist and go sympathise with her, everyone knows that when it's done correctly, it renders you speechless

[Hotandknackered]

That's gross. I'm all for people doing what the want sexually as long as it is consensual. But the obvs know its not child appropriate. Either write a letter or confront them face to face. Poss with a recording if they are likely to be rude. If they are uncooperative say you will call the police as they are intentionally exposing children to sexual activity. You dont just have to see it for it to be exposure to it.

[Hotandknackered]

I'm loving some of the replies BTW! Like the microphone and score cards. Poss used together?!

[mogloveseggs]

That sounds very familiar

[mogloveseggs]

Reply didn't work @TroysMammy yes I've read it too