What do people DO on mat leave?

[Bewilderbeastie]

I'm a FTM, baby born week of lockdown. So my mat leave has been weird to say the least. Now we're starting to get back to some sort of 'normality' (ha!) and now st 5 months we're finally out of the newborn fog, I'm wondering what people who had non-pandemic mat leaves actually did during the day?

Might sound like a weird and stupid question, but I'm genuinely curious. I'm keen to start getting out and about a bit more but can't think of what things we can do that also work with nap times? I feel like Covid has completely skewed my perception of what things are possible (but also pleasurable) to do with a baby.

We do walks, occasionally meet up with NCT group outdoors, see family at weekends, but that's about it. Most weeks are spent at home doing the same few activities. I know baby is probably fine with that but I'm dying of boredom...

Baby groups are still not operating where I am currently.

Lots of baby groups

Met up with NCT group

Museums

Zoos

Parks

River / seaside walks

Saw family

I didn't do any groups as I went once or twice and couldn't stand them.

I went out for walks, took the dog for walks, went to the library, house work, met family, fed the ducks.

@Phoenix21 ah yed, those are the sort of things I'd imagined we'd be doing! My baby isn't easy though and am.in horror at the thought of having to wait in a queue to get in anywhere because if the buggy stops, the crying starts - and there are queues everywhere now. Also we haven't used public transport at all and it still doesn't really feel safe to do so.

@Knocka indeed, I'm sure there are groups I'd absolutely hate, but at this point I'd love to just try a couple out. Even just to waste an hour or so and not have to think of everything we do myself. Alas...

I didn't do a single baby group. Had friends who did loads but just wasn't for me.

I'm a very natural homebody so most of my mat leave (which was October to May so pretty dark and cold) was spent watching netflix, playing video games and reading. I seem to remember a few walks bundled up with the munchkin in a sling or the off-road buggy if we were traipsing through the woods with the dog.

Baby groups, swimming, cafes with friends and mooching round the shops. No idea what there is to do now apart from walks.

It must be so hard with so much shut.

I spent lots of time in parks, having coffee and feeding the ducks.

And with first DC went to lots of art galleries with her in the sling. That was super lovely.

And just quite a bit of time hanging out at home, doing housework while she pottered with a laundry basket!

I absolutely loved it, despite being a crazy workaholic beforehand, though I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.

@Pumpertrumper it's crap isn't it? Yes you're right, the weather hasn't helped. I think the past few days have brought this to a head as it's been insufferably hot and we haven't even had the one walk a day I usually do, and I don't want to risk baby getting overheated. Hopefully things will improve before we go back to work!

I am just doing most of the things I would do at the weekend. So it’s been lovely for me. I am dreading work.
I have a horse so baby comes to the stables with me for a couple of hours every day. It’s on a farm so plenty for her to see (lambing, calving, harvesting etc).
We were doing baby groups or meeting friends and family pre-Covid (I had 6 months of mat leave pre Covid).
We do walks, lots of picnics.

I do want I want to do when it suits me, sod the naps. My baby has learnt to be flexible on sleep as I refuse to be a slave to a schedule.

I did 1 baby group a week, the rest of the time I went for walks, baked, batch cooked baby food, cleaning, sewed, researched my family history (got back to 1600s), cups of tea, having fresh baked bread ready for DH getting home from work. It was lovely I had 8 yrs off I wish I could go back.

I didnt like baby groups although tried a few (baby massage, sensory play, swimming etc). I watched a lot of tv, went to baby screenings at the cinema (but these are easier when they are really little),went for walks, wandered aimlessly around shops, met friends for lunch (but it's never as fun as you want). With my second I was lucky my dh had fridays off and my other child was 3 so we bought various passes and would go to theme parks, national trust, gardens, zoos etc mainly to keep me busy.

Hey op, congrats on your baby. Yep I think it's all a bit weird and boring still because not much has opened up/started running again.

I'm going to take my baby to the swings today. Yesterday I wheeled him around the nearest town for a bit whilst waiting on my prescription.
We played in the garden in a sun tent. I've bought a paddling pool.

I've barely seen any friends. Only family really and even then not much.

We walk every day. DS is 8 months. I have started taking him to play park. He liked to watch the other children playing while we sat on a bench and now we have started using the swings. At least we now 'go somewhere' on our walks without public transport and other people are there.

Baby groups. And I walked with a pram miles.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

What would you do if the baby wasn't there and you had the time off? At 5mo they are pretty portable so just do what you want to do and bring the baby along.

This is fine if what you enjoy doing is walking, museums, national trust properties, pottering round the shops etc. If what you enjoy doing is team sport, extreme sports, go ape type places, it really doesn’t work. I couldn’t do any of my old ‘hobbies’ with my baby in tow. The exception being going to a cafe With friends - I did a lot of that the first few months (fairly easy baby) but once they’re on the move that’s much harder - especially now as letting a toddler wander round near other tables isn’t really acceptable.

I did a LOT of baby groups - 1 a day usually. I joined something where you paid a monthly fee and then there were multiple classes a day you could attend. I just liked the routine of getting out the house and as someone else said, having someone else tell you what to do with your baby rather than having to think for yourself. I also made friends with other mums this way. I did try a few more drop in playgroup things too (free or very cheap) but didn’t enjoy them so much. I think I needed the structure 😂

Meant to add - I feel so sorry for lockdown new mums, it must be so hard. Getting out every day was the only thing that kept me sane. Zoom baby classes are just not the same. Sorry OP, I have no suggestions other than maybe a cafe with a book and walking. Baby swimming has restarted in some places yes so worth looking at that!

That is very true @Bewilderbeastie, I was worried about depression and isolation - I don’t cope very well without plans. There’s nothing wrong with spending time indoors just enjoying baby.

Are there places that you’ve always wanted to see? It’s hard with public transport but if you drive maybe going to different areas? For example, I did Highgate cemetery, Hampsted Heath, Cambridge, Oxford, River boat etc.
Covid scuppered plans for my last few weeks (Parliament Hill, another clipper boat trip).

Ideas:
Picnic in the park, there are lots of beautiful parks about not necessarily your local.

Some children’s centres are doing zoom sessions (the toddler left me participating solo!)

Market towns?

TFL has some great scenic London walks maybe your local area has some?

It’s shit with everything being shut but you can avoid queues by bringing lunch, remembering that you are not on a time to get back etc.

@Knocka

Baby groups were like scooping out your own eyeballs with a teaspoon — completely irrelevant to small babies, attended by exhausted FTMs because they thought they were supposed to. I soon stopped, spent the rest of mat leave exploring London with DS in the pushchair, and skipped back to work early.

For you. I enjoyed them . I didn’t go because I felt like we were supposed to, I went for adult conversation and for someone to hold the baby while I had a cup of coffee in peace. Not living in London we sadly aren’t overwhelmed with museums/galleries etc to take babies to, and there aren’t many places to explore in a village of 5000 inhabitants .

Anyway OP... we went to baby groups. Not every day, but a couple a week. Soon weeded out the awful ones from the ones worth attending. Also met up with friends with babies quite a lot. Or going for a quiet coffee with a book while they were napping. None of mine had a nap routine at 5 months though, and just slept on the go.

I was on study leave from my phd so tried to get as much done on it as possible anyway as I didn't want to get too far behind (although I ended up getting very, very behind...). Also had an older child to look after.

First time round I had to attend daily physio after an accident so neither maternity leaves were very relaxing.

Oh, look up local athletics/football type clubs. I used to go watch boat racing locally with the sprog. No interest, just something to do.

Also stumbled on an outdoor dog training session recently.

Babygroups (with first). With both, walked and walked and walked for miles everyday listening to podcasts/music.
With my second spent time with my friends who are SAHMs but past the baby stage. They were amazing and happily took my baby for a few minutes so I could drink coffee, wine or eat. I
love them so much.
I never managed to do any “jobs” as such but to be honest I did big jobs during my pregnancy so I didn’t have to. I did the usual (pretty minimal though) chores.

Baby swimming and baby sensory classes each once a week, then loads of bookbug sessions, they were free at the library. Apart from that I spent many many hours walking to get my DS to nap, about 6 miles a day at one point as he wouldnt sleep if he wasn't being walked in the wrap. Not even the pram would work for him.

Oh, and I went to a local parents group that saved my sanity, they were a bit gentle parenting for me, and it gave me major guilt when we sleep trained. They were majorly against it and were quite vocal about that, I just never mentioned that we'd done it.

Oh yes, and I cried in public on a daily basis as I was so tired.

@BumbleNova

Baby groups. I did one every day Monday to Friday. It kept me sane. Swimming, rhyme time, baby sensory, mum and baby yoga and Gymboree. I have no idea how you are coping without them!

My baby used to happily nap in a sling/ buggy which also gave me more freedom.

Exactly this, thrown in the NCT meets in a coffee shop or park, plus visiting family.

See also napping, eating chocolate and watching tv.

I never get the negativity around baby groups on here. It was something I could manage to drag myself to now matter how crap I felt and I'd get to talk to people, baby/toddler was entertained in a safe environment and some nice person would get me a cup of tea. Bloody miss them.

I had 3 months of split parental leave and hated every second: traumatic birth, difficult unsettled baby, cried too much to go anywhere (me and baby!) etc.

I mainly spent the time going clinically insane and hanging out at the local mother and baby psych unit, which was very supportive but I wouldn't recommend it! Saying that though, I did make a couple of friends at my mad mothers groups who I'm still in touch with.

Anyone doing mat leave now under lockdown deserves a f*cking medal. I simply could not have coped.