I know this may seem selfish but I’ll explain.... please be kind/gentle.
Me and my mother in law do not get along. It’s completely irreversible. We did get along when I first got with my OH. She was a nice lady, bit of a drama queen but what MILs aren’t! Without sounding sour she does flit from man to man as she likes money and when they don’t buy her what she wants they’re gone, but that’s up to her.
Anyway, I found out rather quickly after being with my OH (8 months) that I was pregnant. My little boy wasn’t planned, I was on contraception but unfortunately it failed - I guess you hear that off a lot of people but genuinely it is the truth. I was on the injection for 5+ years and never missed any appointments.
My MIL was happy for us when we told her and everything was great until she met the man she’s with now. He’s a bit of a know it all / heavily opinionated type and when I was 30 weeks pregnant actually shouted at me for being heavily pregnant and too exhausted to take on tasks! But because I had a go back and told my OH (wasn’t there at the time) and my OH had a go, I’m in the wrong with my MIL. She’s called me every name under the sun and I’m deemed not good enough for her son.
At that point I said to my OH I think it best I not be involved with your MIL for a while as I don’t want to cause drama. He agreed but obviously he’s carried on a relationship with them. From that point she’s taken it a step further which in my opinion is a little psycho. She firstly tried to prove I was a liar to break me and my OH up. By 1. She called my old place of work up to ask whether I’d ever worked there. 2. She asked for my graduation certificates to prove my qualifications. 3. She asked for my registration documents to prove who I’m registered with (work related) 4. She did a check on my car to see what finance is on it and how much down payment I put on it. 5. She tried to gain passwords to check my personal information. She did A lot of other things too!
I did give my OH all the above details she’d asked for as she went on that much he started to doubt me.
She then tried to turn my OH against me. She again mentioned all the above even though none of it came to anything as I am not a liar. She then told my OH I’d only gotten pregnant to trap him and that I’d planned it all along. She actually asked him if he was sure our son was actually his! She made up lies, saying I’d told her things that were not true, apparently I’ve lied because I’m intimidated of her and so on..... bare in mind I was around 33-34 weeks pregnant when all this kicked off and I gave birth at 36 weeks! I also had very bad antenatal depression which went into postnatal depression. I personally think the stress she put on my relationship made it a lot worse.
I won’t keep rambling on but it does get worse. She’s said and done some very unforgivable things. I tried to forgive, I really have but then she started again after our son was born and to this day If my OH mentions me she’ll call me some nasty stuff. Oh and she had the audacity to ask my OH to rent her house off her as she’s moving in with her partner!
So....... fast forward. Me and my OH are looking at wedding plans as we’re going to book it in for early 2022. I really do not want her or her partner there. That much so that I’ll even consider not marrying my OH if it meant she not be there. I know factual shell say something at the wedding to hurt me. My main worry is a fight breaking out between my MIL and my family (they’ve never met). I also know she will put me down, there will also be several other dramas she’ll cause from now until the wedding. I just can’t do it, it’s making me feel sick thinking about having her there! Even other family members do not like his mum. My OH dad for example, doesn’t go to any function which involves her as she and his new wife actually end up physically fighting! When I first started seeing my OH his friends actually use to call to make sure his mum wasn’t home before they came round! It’s ridiculous!!
What do I do? I’ve spoken to my partner and we can’t agree on whether to having a small wedding in this country and only invite close family (which I’d absolutely love) OR to go abroad and not invite anyone. We have close family and friends who would love to be there, it’s just his mum! I also don’t want to ruin his relationship between him and his mum. I also don’t want to ruin our relationship as he might resent me for asking her not to be invited.
Could I have opinions please? Thank you xx