How did you decide how many children you'd have?

[7seven7]

Particularly if your partner has children from a previous relationship. I have one baby with DP. He has two older children as well. I've been thinking about whether I'd like another child in a few years time. My partner would then have four children which I know isn't unusual but I don't think he is so keen to have four (his decision of course!). I personally think it would be lovely for baby DS to have a sibling closer to his age to play with as I remember all the games I played with my sister. But my pregnancy wasn't easy and I'm getting older so worry about complications. Obviously if DP outrightly said no I'd accept that but I'm just curious as to others decision making processes and (please don't shoot me) whether it was the right decision.

I had 1 from previous relationship and went on to have 3 more with DH. Stopped when I said ABSOLUTELY NO MORE NOT EVER . There was never a set number we chose. I just know that I do not ever want to birth another child.

Had 1, never felt broody again which we took as a sign not to have any more.

Had 1, had always thought I ideally wanted more than 1, had another, felt I could not cope with any more after her because she is a nightmare who doesn't sleep, also we can't afford more, so stopped. I am 38 so there is possibly scope to change our mind in the future but I think these 2 are enough.

@happypotamus

Had 1, had always thought I ideally wanted more than 1, had another, felt I could not cope with any more after her because she is a nightmare who doesn't sleep, also we can't afford more, so stopped. I am 38 so there is possibly scope to change our mind in the future but I think these 2 are enough.

Much the same, though I was in my 20s when I had my DC and am mid 30s now. I need my own time, space & sleep too much to have more than 2, but didn't feel "done" with just 1.

Planned on having one - had twins!

I wanted 0, DH wanted 2. We compromised on 1 and "we'll see" accidentally got pregnant with DC2, very pleased I did, she is ace. I quite fancy number 3 but don't think it would be right for our family. I do think you need to take in to consideration the ability to give time and energy in to your current children before planning more. I'd love number 3, but it would be at the expense of 1&2.

I’m about to have our second DD and I think DH would like more. I will reserve judgement until I’ve experienced two children. We’d also have to move so it would be money dependent.

I didn't quite go to my original plan, which was 2 girls a year apart with a 10 year gap then two boys a year apart. Or two sets of twins! But my reality is perfect - two stepsons a year apart in their 30s and two boys 2 years apart aged 10 and 12. It's lovely when we all get together with all 4 boys and the older ones girlfriends.

DS1 (2.5yo) was planned and DS2 (8mo) was a woopsie-baby. DH was delighted at the small gap but now feels “done” and will only contemplate any more once I’m back at work and we have adjusted, we’ve moved to a bigger place etc. I imagine he’d be happy to stick with two even if all of those things fall into place.

I was SO angry to find myself pregnant with DS2 but absolutely adore him now, and I came back from hospital broody! However, each pregnancy has left me feeling more insecure about my mum-bod, broken from lack of sleep (I get insomnia during the pregnancy on top of bad sleepers once they’re out!), and now that I see my toddler running around self-sufficiently, I wonder whether we should stop now and start to get our lives back.

So basically, I’ll come back and let you know in 5-10 years! However, I’ll not have another because I wanted a particular sex, or in order for them to have a sibling because I myself have a disabled younger sibling. Too risky.

It was an easy decision for me as I hated pregnancy, suffered PND and struggled with the baby and toddler years. So it's one and done for me. DS is 7, I much prefer this age. It was the right decision.

We based ours on space, time and finances. The more children, the less of everything there is to go round and having been that child I didn’t want that for mine.

Money and space.

@AriettyHomily has summed it up. Money and space and I suppose time. If you have enough for another child even though you also have 2 step children go for it. If not i wouldn't.

DH had one, we had twins and then another, so 4 in total.

It was 100% governed by my hormones. Strong possibility that if we’d had space and money, we’d have had another. As it is, pragmatism (and probably age) meant we decided no more and he had a vasectomy.

He was always just as enthusiastic as I by the way, I don’t mean to insinuate I forced him or anything!

We swung between one and two. We were going to have two.

Then our first was the nightmare baby from hell and we were never, ever, ever having another. Ever. When he got to a year old, things started getting easier, we were less stressed and we decided to go ahead and TTC number two. We always knew two would probably be our limit because three would need a bigger house, bigger car, more childcare etc. I had a difficult pregnancy with DS2 and complications in the late stages. That made my mind up for me that I was done.

DS2 is five now and I have whimsically thought about another. But the added expense of everything (we've got rid of all the baby stuff now!), the thought of sleepless nights and another pregnancy from hell put me off totally.

I counted how many hands I have (the conventional 2) so that's what I stuck at. Would love a dc with dp but we are a bit long in the tooth!

We’ve just bought a new bigger house in a great area to have number 2. DH is quite keen. I feel broody but hate being pregnant (all the women in my family have HG), really really hated giving birth despite having a straightforward fairly easy going labour and DD is honestly practically perfect in every way so don’t want to upset the apple cart.

Had one. Thought “holy shit, there’s no way I’m doing this again!”

Ha you're in a similar boat to me. I had one. Dh had 3. At first I wasn't that keen on having another as dd was quite demanding as a baby but as she's got older I desperately wanted her to have a blood sibling. Dh wasn't that keen. Can't really blame him as he's a dad to my dd so another makes five. I'm 24 weeks though and everyone's excited

I wanted 2. DH wanted 3 and I thought that sounded nice. Then we had number 1 (difficult pregnancy and high needs baby/toddler/child) and number 2 (easier but still didnt sleep through the night until he was 4).

I said no more. Every so often DH would hopefully ask if I would consider a 3rd and I always came back with a (huge) list of reasons why not.

But during lockdown I realised that family really is important and the few years of pregnancy/sleepless nights is acceptable for the long term gain so we're TTCing. First 2 DC will be roughly 7 and 10 so a big gap but it means it should hopefully be easier.

Space was more a consideration than money but we've worked out how to put a 4th bedroom into our flat so all the DC can have their own room (important given my 1st 2's personalities and the age gap)

DH and I had different ideas as to how to have kids (he wanted biological I wanted adopted) we agreed to a compromise of 1 of each.
After having biological DD late June 2020, I felt a strong desire to have another but still had a strong desire to adopt, we've talked and decided to have 1 more biological and then adopt a sibling pair. We never set a number and it could change again. Don't think you can say until your in the decision making stage.
There are always going to be pros and cons to have more and to not.

Because I hated every minute of pregnancy and didn't want to do it again.

I didn’t really have a plan of how many I wanted. I was just never broody after having DD. I used to think there was something wrong with me, because DD was an easy baby. I never had a sleepless night with her. However my friends poor baby suffered with colic and had her up most nights. Before her baby was 1 though she was wanting another one. I guess broodiness is just something you get or you don’t.
Don’t get me wrong if I got caught I’d definitely have the baby, and I’m sure I’d be thrilled to bits once he/she was here.

I wanted each of my children to have siblings. So 3 minimum. We had 3.

I’ve always just felt that 2 is a good number, 3 is where you stop.

As it is I have 2. I always had it in my mind that I would have 2 so trying again for a second eventually was a no brainier (although forgetting the condom while we were drunk helped bring the timeline forward). I’ve had moments of liking the idea of a third but at this point, where my youngest starts school this week, childcare is getting easier and the baby stage is a distant memory I just don’t fancy doing it again. DH agrees, he was always more set on just having 2 whereas I was more open to the possibility of a 3rd.

That said, I can see me getting into my 40s, the broody side of my brain kicking into gear and being desperate to do it again. I’ve warned DH to have the snip before that happens.