How much better/different would your life have been if you’d had a cracking body

[TheMurk]

I’m 5ft 2 and for a visual reference if you imagine me looking like Susan Calman just with an Afro-y wig on, that’s pretty much me.

I am obviously considerably overweight now in my mid 40s by 3 or 4 stones which I doubt I’ll make much of a dent in now. It’s my hope to simply not get any heavier.

I was looking at pictures of Rita Ora in the paper today and I just sighed massively and thought lucky bloody bitch, she can throw on any old thing and look fab, she can sling on a bikini and jump about and still look amazing if she’s being photographed, she looks so carefree.

Made me wonder if my life would have been different if I’d been blessed with a better figure.

Even when I was younger I was conscious of my stomach. There’s a pic of me aged about 8 In a Snoopy swimming costume and my stomach protrudes even then.

As a teen I was always squishy all over, not overweight really, just stumpy and thick everywhere. I remember trying to zip up knee high boots and almost stopping my circulation.

Every day of my life I dread picking what to wear. I would love to wear things that are trendy but they never work with my height or over my big middle. I have big Flappy boobs and a flat bum so when people say make the best of your assets or flaunt your curves? Well I don’t have any good bits, I really don’t.

Imagine the time and energy I would have saved over the years with a Rita Ora body. Just pulling on jeans and tucking in a blouse over my flat stomach and hips that go out in the right place (mine sort of slope in).

It’s not even about looking attractive so much as feeling carefree.

I just think people with bodies in proportion and bumps in the right places probably have no idea how easy their lives are in comparison.

That’s an interesting question.

I am now 40s and mumsy. I was overweight in my early twenties and then lost a lot of weight. I had, by the opinion and comments of others, a cracking bod. I am glad I got to have it for a wee while and I did enjoy it. I loved the flinging on of any old thing and looking great. I loved the slightly puppet on a string feel my limbs had when I moved.

The reality is it made no difference to my actual life. I was with my husband when I was fat, then thin now mumsy. I am on the same career profession, I have the same pals. Actually, that’s not true, I have more pals.

I am trying to get fitter for myself and my children now. But I won’t ever be that willowy weightless way again. Actually, I think it would age me terribly.

I do miss the lack of effort I had to put in to looking nice

Not sure about “lucky” and “blessed”. Rita Ora probably spends hours exercising and is very careful about what she eats. Yes some people are born with longer legs or higher metabolisms but most people with a cracking figure will be working very hard at it.

I pass lots of women with great figures as I walk through the park, they are doing fitness routines, I am not, this is why they have better figures than me 🤷‍♀️

And this is true minipie I worked for that body. I ran and worked out and counted out olives as a snack. It became so normal that it is VERY nard to remember and I could convince myself that I didn’t need to work. But I did. I never stopped

I actually don’t believe that @minipie

I think there are a lot of people who just have great figures. Their height and shape just fall into the right combination and even if their weight fluctuates they can carry it off.

I know quite a few people who don’t work very hard for their figures and even in their 40s they just have a great shape.

I’m talking in proportion and things going in where they should and out where they should. Oh, and a flat stomach which I think is key to the whole thing.

And just to add, even if I worked very hard (and I did one year for my sister’s wedding as I was a bridesmaid) I still looked like a sack of potatoes, albeit a smaller sack.

I don't think it would make any difference. I have been fat and I have been thin. One of the reasons why I now have absolutely no desire to lose weight is that I didn't feel any better when I was thin. I feel better when I eat well and I exercise at any size. When I was thin, my body was still the same shape it was when I was fat, so I still had to dress the same way I did when I was fat cos that suits my shape. I couldn't just throw any old thing on. If anything being thinner made me scrutinise what I looked like more than I ever did when I was fat.

As I've gotten older (I'm 40 now), I've been embraced my size, embraced my shape and accepted that I don't need to look fashionable anymore. I've been much happier just wearing what I like and what makes me look and feel good. I live in dresses now.

I completely understand. I am tall, but my legs are just a bit longer than average, so both “tall” and standard clothes look wrong. My bottom half is a full dress size bigger than my top half, so dresses are out. I have a weirdly long torso, so tops are hard to find too. I dress in really boring, basic clothes and even these are a nightmare to find. Dolly Parton said, “It takes a lot of money to look this cheap.” Well, for me, it takes a lot of time and effort to look really basic and like I can’t be bothered.
I also find things like hair/nails/make-up really boring and time-consuming. I can’t get my head around women who see getting these things done as a treat and something to look forward to. I wish I felt that way, but I just don’t.
I feel like I look a mess all the time and it really impacts on my confidence. When I do make a massive effort, I honestly look even worse: hair won’t stay in a style without frizzing out, foundation seems to sink into the fine lines and make me look older, I can’t even walk in heels. As I’m tall I’m also paranoid that I look like a drag queen.

My life would be so much easier with a “standard” body that is easy to dress.

If it helps I am one of those carefree women that can sling on a bikini/summer dress etc...I worry about my career (was in the top sets in a nice home counties school, lots of my mates are drs and lawyers now, I have had a series of standard office jobs) and my lack of a house (there's £3k in our savings account, how am I going to buy a house in Brighton on that?). Everyone has something they fret about

Definitely an interesting question!

I've always been a bit chubby, I'm short and have no dress sense. My best mate was really pretty & waif-like so used to get all the attention. My self-esteem wasn't great.

But with hindsight not all the attention she got was positive & obviously lots of it was very superficial.

So I think I ended up in a relationship that wasn't based purely on looks, I'd known DH for years before we got together and he's seen my weight fluctuate & I don't think he'll trade me in for a younger model as we start to age 😊

And to be fair my wide hips facilitated two straight forward, uncomplicated births.

I've thought about that too, OP. I've been overweight literally my entire life including as a foetus. I've never heard a recollection from my childhood that didn't start out with saying how big I was.

But I also agree with minipie that remaining slim past your 20s is anything but carefree. I saw a post here the other day, about a women who is lovely and slim, maintained by eating basically nothing, dinner each day is a "slim-a-soup". Sounds grim, I'd rather be fat!

I’m not really talking about weight here so much as shape.

There was a plus size model featured by ASOS the other day on Instagram (replete with pronouns, but that’s a whole other rolling eyes thread) who really was quite big, but she was making it all work because her shape was good.

I am probably half her size but would look like Mama June in the same dress.

Hmm, to answer from a different perspective, I started being ogled by men from about age 12 when I got my curves. I was subject to abusive (porny) phone calls at about age 15 and frequently have been cat-called, even as recently as a few years ago, I'm near 50.

Friends have always commented on my "nice" figure and I've been skinny (ED teenage years and twenties) to plump (post DC) but always go in and out in the right places [shrugs]

I don't think I'm especially lucky, I thought I was fat from about age 15 (slim teen with curves) and looking back I looked fab (wish I was that slim now )

I’ve always been chunky. I’ve ranged from a size 22 (very obese for my height) to a size 10, but I generally sit somewhere around a 14. Maintaining my lowest weight involved terribly disordered eating, obsessive exercise, and I was not a fun person to be around. I was terrified to miss a workout or go out to eat/drink.

I’ve never struggled to date, I’m married to my gorgeous DH who thinks I’m beautiful. I have great friends, I’ve gotten jobs that I wanted... I don’t think my weight has ever held me back.

Nothing changed for me when I was at my thinnest. I tend to dress in a uniform of skinny jeans, loafers, a blouse and a leather jacket regardless of my size, so it’s not like I look like a frump when fat and Carrie Bradshaw when thin

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve felt self-conscious and there are certain clothes I’d never wear but I’m a nice person, I like my life and I figure there are much worse things than being a bit fat 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well sure but most people who are overweight don't have a great shape. I know I don't, I'm also a sack of potatos.

@TheMurk

And just to add, even if I worked very hard (and I did one year for my sister’s wedding as I was a bridesmaid) I still looked like a sack of potatoes, albeit a smaller sack.

Yup, one year I managed to loose quite a bit of weight but I was still short with wide hips so I was never going to look skinny. I also got a tummy flap and my boobs became spaniel's ears so no way could I wear a bikini!

Honestly OP I think you just need to think about your health & mental well being and make your peace with your appearance.

I just think on hot days like this, to put on shorts and actually enjoy wearing them instead of feeling like you’re strapped into some sort of denim torture device would be lovely.

Today I wore a long black t shirt over black leggings and quietly boiled to death because I would not do any kind of summer clothing justice.

So many people in shorts just mooching about as if just “whatever”... it amazes me.

Watching this with interest. I spend a lot of time daydreaming about my ‘dream’ life, in which I’m slim, coupled up, etc etc. I’m very overweight and do feel that it has stopped me meeting anyone.

Well the thing is I did have a cracking body, I just didn’t flippin know it! As a teenager and in my 20s I was told I could be a model (I really couldn’t have) and that I looked a bit like a certain actress (only if you squinted) but because I wasn’t a confident person I just didn’t see myself as anything but average. I look at photos now and I was sooo much more attractive than I realised but because I didn’t realise it I didn’t carry myself as one would expect a confident, attractive woman to. So really it didn’t make any difference to my life, at least that I noticed.

It’s tempting to believe if I was taller/slimmer/curvier/had bigger boobs I’d be different but I think it’s less about appearance and more about confidence. I always think of a former colleague who genuinely believed she was stunning and therefore she carried herself with great confidence, wore whatever she felt like wearing and I dunno, just behaved as if that was the case which seemed to make others believe she was if that makes sense. Honestly, she was fairly plain but had been brought up with oodles of confidence and told how perfect, beautiful and clever she was all her life.

So maybe we don’t actually need to get cracking bodies, just hypnotism?

I think I know sort of what you mean. I am currently more than two stone overweight, and so do have a bit of a tummy, but my weight distributes itself quite evenly across my body so I think I carry that extra weight as well as I could. My waist is 10 inches smaller than my bust and than my hips and they all stay in proportion; when I weighed 4.5st less than I currently do (I was very ill), my waist was still 10 inches smaller than my hips.

It was definitely easier to buy cheaper clothes and still look good when I weighed less, and I definitely can't throw on just anything, especially any more, but I do know my shape well and shop well for it.

Ultimately when I want to lose weight (as I do now) I have to rigidly count calories and exercise vigorously.

People who are considered beautiful by typical standards are probably treated better etc. But you would still have insecurities, just different ones.

I hear you. I'm 33 and for all my life I've been chubby, pretty much. At the beginning of the year I lost a stone and I still wasn't happy. I'm 5ft 2 I was 57kg and I still looked fat; but my face looked gaunt so I can't win!
I've got wide hips and a big arse, pear shaped basically.

After two kids and gaining weight during lockdown my boobs look great, but the rest is meh. I have to wear shorts under dresses as otherwise I get chafing, I also have thread veins on my legs and I just see all my imperfections!

I'd love to have Rita's body, I think my life would've been more enriched as I would love to have a higher self esteem and wear whatever I wanted and look great!

I don't even know how to swim as I am too ashamed for others to see me.

I do know what you mean. I am lucky to have a good figure and I know it has made my life easier.

But I do value it and I don't overeat and spoil it.

I think some of the issue is about mindset - while I do accept the physical as well as I have a massive arse.

I, unusually for me, bought a white cheesecloth maxi dress last year the day before it was forecast to be 32 degrees. I wore it, my husband said it looked like a maternity dress But dear god was it comfortable. I feel like those easy breezy people when I wear it. I wouldn’t wear shorts but I fling this dress on with a pair of chub rub shorts and I feel good.

I also bought a new longline shirt which feels effortless when I put it on. I am learning to embrace what’s there

I used to have a great body. I'm tall, I was never any more than 10 stone, I ran, cycled and swam most days.
It didn't make me happy. My twenties were spent hating what I thought was my fatness. I was constantly on a diet.
It didn't make me lucky in love; I had two horribly abusive relationships one after the other.
It didn't make me confident or outgoing.
Now I'm fat, I can't run or cycle because I've got arthritis in my hip and a crumbled disc. I'm happier though because I've stopped judging my life by the size of my clothes.

I had a good body in my twenties but I didn't appreciate it. But I am short and tend towards dump, my legs are short and trunk like. I will never be willowy or slim. The short answer is I don't think having a great body changes your life or makes you happier apart from being able to wear gorgeous clothes if that interests you.