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Original poster

Toxic manager who now won’t let me leave

45 replies

CanonandD · 08/08/2020 19:25

What do I do?

NHS. New manager around 18 months ago. Things started off very well, we got on well, she was interested in my development, she gave me a number of extra assignments on top of my workload to provide a wider scope of work etc.

Things started going wrong around December time. She came back from annual leave and was just different. Stopped answering emails from me. I’d call and she would cut the phone off after a few rings but never call back.

Out of the blue one day she announced I was moving offices and put me in an office on my own. Just a “restructure”. I wasn’t the only person who noticed the change in her, she was being off with a few people but mostly me. At the start of Covid it got so much worse. We were told we could work from home or stay on site. I asked to stay on site but had an email from her that she would prefer me to WFH. I emailed back very politely asking if I could stay on site and that the direction from the exec team was that we had a choice.

The reply was “you are working from home from now on”.

Since I’ve been at home it’s got so much worse. All communication goes through her. She had piled on the extra work (nothing to do with my job role) but it’s covid so I’ve just got in with it.

She frequently will send a new project through. I’ll work on it for a few weeks and send it back before deadline. No response. No acknowledgment. No thanks. Not even a “this is shit do it again”. Then she’ll just send another project through.

Her manager called me a few weeks ago to ask me to send some info to her which I did. I immediately had a phone call from my manager asking me what I thought I was doing and it was inappropriate for me to be contacting that person. I explained they had contacted me. No response.

Last week I was offered a secondment to another department. I emailed her about this which is normally a formality. I’ve never heard of a secondment being refused in our hospital.

She emailed back to say it was a bad time to go on secondment, they wouldn’t be able to backfill so she would have to say no.

WTF do I do now? I could go to HR and explain the way she’s acting (which is rather not do). But I cannot stand another month working with this person.

Any advice?

OP posts:
BelleSausage · 08/08/2020 19:28

Go to HR. Have you been logging all the instances when work wasn’t acknowledged? Do you keep an e-mail trail?

HR will want to know if one of their managers has gone rogue.

wowfudge · 08/08/2020 19:29

What's worse, staying there longer or speaking to HR?

FelicityPike · 08/08/2020 19:30

You’re going to need to speak to HR especially regarding the secondment.

Original poster
CanonandD · 08/08/2020 19:32

I have reams of unanswered emails. I have kept a list of all work which has been done and not acknowledged. This is all separate from my normal work which I don’t expect to me acknowledged at all but is it unreasonable to expect a separate request to be at least acknowledged as recieved?

OP posts:
Original poster
CanonandD · 08/08/2020 19:33

Sorry for typos, walking dog and angry typing at the same time!

OP posts:
HoneysuckIejasmine · 08/08/2020 19:34

Definitely talk to hr.

tinkerbellvspredator · 08/08/2020 19:37

Got to HR. O would be telling them you are being bullied to be honest. The most obvious examples being put in an office on your own and being forced to WFH when there was a choice.

Bargebill19 · 08/08/2020 19:38

Threw choices.

  1. HR. You have lots of evidence of her mis-management.
  2. continue as you have been.
  3. resign.

Personally I would opt for 1) and if nothing changed, look at other jobs.

happytoday73 · 08/08/2020 19:40

I agree with PP... Try 1 and if never works 3

2bazookas · 08/08/2020 19:54

She sounds unwell and it's possible HR has received other complaints about her.

So go to HR.

FloresTorres · 08/08/2020 19:59

She sounds awful, I'm sorry that you are having to put up with this.
Are you in a union? If so, consult with your rep. You need to raise this with HR, and ask for the secondment.
Good that you have evidence of her behaviour

Apolloanddaphne · 08/08/2020 20:06

You definitely need to talk it through with HR as a first step.

Devdor · 08/08/2020 20:09

Definitely go to HR - they will want to know what is happening- I work in the NHS and HR and they should support you in this .

lachy · 08/08/2020 20:09

Time to speak to HR.

It sounds like an awful atmosphere to be working in, so you need to speak to them.

Good luck, chin up Flowers

Horehound · 08/08/2020 20:11

I would be running to HR, personally!

Original poster
CanonandD · 08/08/2020 20:20

I feel like I’m being gaslighted tbh

Is it unreasonable to expect a response to projects?

Is it unreasonable not have any contact from anyone except her and only on a 2/3 week scale?

Is it weird to be asked to only forward work on to her?

I feel like I’ve lost all sense of myself

OP posts:
Startofsomethingnew20 · 08/08/2020 20:22

Go to HR ASAP. She sounds like a nightmare.

rottiemum88 · 08/08/2020 20:25

@CanonandD

I feel like I’m being gaslighted tbh

Is it unreasonable to expect a response to projects?

Is it unreasonable not have any contact from anyone except her and only on a 2/3 week scale?

Is it weird to be asked to only forward work on to her?

I feel like I’ve lost all sense of myself

It doesn't matter if it's normal or not, you're not happy. Speak to HR about the things you're unhappy with and explain about the secondment being declined. Surely if it's a choice between offering you the secondment or you leaving altogether they'd rather facilitate the internal move?
Feminist10101 · 08/08/2020 20:26

I’m NHS HR. Manager issues aside for a second, you usually need permission to apply for a secondment. Did you get that or did you apply and tell her afterwards? Because she is under no obligation to release you if you didn’t have permission to apply.

PaternosterLoft · 08/08/2020 20:26

Do you think she's passing your work off as her own? Is she actually doing anything with it or just binning it?

Feminist10101 · 08/08/2020 20:28

HR should support you to fix this yourself. They won’t fix it for you.

From what you’ve outlined and the evidence you have I’d be advising that you raise a grievance with your manager’s manager.

IdblowJonSnow · 08/08/2020 20:31

Please try HR OP. Be careful what you put in writing though. I'd give examples of what shes done/and not replying to you and keep your feelings out of it. You sound professional so I'm sure youd do that anyway.
It's not you, it's her. She sounds very unpleasant.
Maybe try contacting Acas too.

whatisheupto · 08/08/2020 20:36

I think the issue here is you need to step out of your comfort zone and speak up. You know it's not right, we know it's not right, anyone would agree it's not right. The question is, are you able to deal with it and defend yourself? Not easy, but needs doing. Many would not have let it go on this long.
From a fellow once-doormat.

Original poster
CanonandD · 08/08/2020 20:37

@Feminist10101, it was an internal job fixed for a year. When I interviewed they asked me if I would like it as a secondment if I was successful. I hadn’t considered it at that point. They offered and were concerned that as they couldn’t promise funding after a year this would be helpful so I had a job to go back to IYSWIM.

Turning down secondments at our trust is very much not the done thing

OP posts:
jay55 · 08/08/2020 22:42

Can you take the risk and take the job not as secondment?
And then start looking for something new towards the end of that contract?