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Original poster

Toxic manager who now won’t let me leave

45 replies

CanonandD · 08/08/2020 19:25

What do I do?

NHS. New manager around 18 months ago. Things started off very well, we got on well, she was interested in my development, she gave me a number of extra assignments on top of my workload to provide a wider scope of work etc.

Things started going wrong around December time. She came back from annual leave and was just different. Stopped answering emails from me. I’d call and she would cut the phone off after a few rings but never call back.

Out of the blue one day she announced I was moving offices and put me in an office on my own. Just a “restructure”. I wasn’t the only person who noticed the change in her, she was being off with a few people but mostly me. At the start of Covid it got so much worse. We were told we could work from home or stay on site. I asked to stay on site but had an email from her that she would prefer me to WFH. I emailed back very politely asking if I could stay on site and that the direction from the exec team was that we had a choice.

The reply was “you are working from home from now on”.

Since I’ve been at home it’s got so much worse. All communication goes through her. She had piled on the extra work (nothing to do with my job role) but it’s covid so I’ve just got in with it.

She frequently will send a new project through. I’ll work on it for a few weeks and send it back before deadline. No response. No acknowledgment. No thanks. Not even a “this is shit do it again”. Then she’ll just send another project through.

Her manager called me a few weeks ago to ask me to send some info to her which I did. I immediately had a phone call from my manager asking me what I thought I was doing and it was inappropriate for me to be contacting that person. I explained they had contacted me. No response.

Last week I was offered a secondment to another department. I emailed her about this which is normally a formality. I’ve never heard of a secondment being refused in our hospital.

She emailed back to say it was a bad time to go on secondment, they wouldn’t be able to backfill so she would have to say no.

WTF do I do now? I could go to HR and explain the way she’s acting (which is rather not do). But I cannot stand another month working with this person.

Any advice?

OP posts:

MulticolourMophead · 08/08/2020 22:56

I'd go to HR about this. You say you have evidence, so it should be easy to explain. And if she is passing your work off as hers, this will expose this too.

Weenurse · 08/08/2020 23:04

I suspect that you are doing some of her work, along with your own, hence the call from her manager.
Go to HR.

UhhhhYuk · 08/08/2020 23:15

Everyone saying go to HR.... remember their job is to protect the organisation, not individuals within it. They will explain processes but not much else. If you need help fighting your corner then your union is the better option or an employment lawyer if you can afford it.

FunTimes2020 · 08/08/2020 23:31

HR within the NHS are notoriously crap. I'd go to your manager's boss in the first instance.

MaxNormal · 08/08/2020 23:38

HR within the NHS are notoriously crap

I can believe that if the poster who responded is anything to go by.

Original poster

CanonandD · 09/08/2020 07:13

@MaxNormal, yes.

Manager issues aside, did I have permission to apply? Development of staff is supposed to be championed by the NHS. Not keeping someone isolated at home churning out work which doesn’t even get acknowledged. It’s really poor form to refuse a secondment.

OP posts:

user1487194234 · 09/08/2020 08:09

Can't believe you went to o WFH without going to HR
I would concentrate in getting the secondment first ,and then lodge a grievance

KatherineJaneway · 09/08/2020 08:13

Can you look up the secondment rules and find a way round it? I had a manager who stopped me going on secondment, it was shit

Original poster

CanonandD · 09/08/2020 08:17

@KatherineJaneway, rules do allow a manager to say no. But it is not the done thing at all. Mostly used for v senior people.

OP posts:

emilybrontescorsett · 09/08/2020 08:23

I might have missed this but are you in a union? If so contact your rep immediately.
After checking with them, cc your managers boss into future emails.

KatherineJaneway · 09/08/2020 08:26

Then I'd go over her head to her manager and make a complaint and ask him / her to overrule the decision. Sounds like you have enough evidence to put your case across that you are being treated unfairly. Your relationship with your manager is toxic anyway, I don't think you have much to lose.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 09/08/2020 08:39

I work in the NHS as well, have you spoken to your colleagues about her? To get an idea of any general themes in her behaviour or just to see what they think?

Then I'd go to the manager above her and ask for a meeting, go armed with all the evidence you have. Ask HR to attend as well.

LoveSummerNotIcecream · 09/08/2020 08:46

I work in the NHS. Your trust will have a ‘Dealing with bullying and harassment policy’. It is usually on your intranet. Read it and follow the advice. Speak to her manager. If you are in a union speak to them. Alternatively speak to the trusts ‘freedom to speak up guardian’. There is lots of support available but you have to ask for it.

Taikoo · 09/08/2020 08:52

Go to HR asap.

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 09/08/2020 09:10

she may have a get out due to covid for the secondment. whether or not it is the usual thing.
covidisnt the usual thing.
plus wfh, perhaps there was nowhere available for you.
otoh she has not handled you very well

Disfordarkchocolate · 09/08/2020 09:13

I'd just take the one year contract and get out.

VenusStarr · 09/08/2020 09:13

When was your last 1-1 with her? In our trust they're a minimum of every 6 weeks. So first thing I would do is plan a 1-1 with her and try to open up a conversation, that you've noticed a change in your working relationship.
If that's refused, or you feel the issues your raising aren't being addressed, then I'd speak with HR and my union.

With regards to the secondment, she is allowed to refuse the request if it doesn't suit service needs. It doesn't sound like a traditional secondment arrangement - ours are advertised as secondments, but this sounds like you applied for a job, were successful and then they said why don't you do it on secondment. There's nothing to stop you accepting that role on a fixed term contract.

Is it just the two of you in the service area? Do you not have team meetings?

hadley222 · 09/08/2020 09:48

Go to HR, not just for yourself but for whoever will work with this person in future.

Feminist10101 · 09/08/2020 15:39

HR within the NHS are notoriously crap

I can believe that if the poster who responded is anything to go by.

My team and I have won awards. I’m responsive for the professional development off staff on a national basis. But sure.

Alternatively, all the people saying “go to HR” clearly without any idea of the modern role of the function are doing the OP a massive disservice. We’re reviewing the whole approach to grievance with a focus on staff actually acting like grown ups and at least trying to deal with it themselves before involving HR/senior management. We aren’t their parents.

Feminist10101 · 09/08/2020 15:39

*responsible

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