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Original poster

3rd child timing - am I mad??

51 replies

Travellingmotherhood · 06/08/2020 23:11

Would love some advice particularly of anyone with 3 or small age gaps. I have 2 beautiful daughters aged 3 and 20 months. DH and I have finally after months of indecision decided to have a 3rd baby but now the decision is made I'm ridiculously broody. Everywhere I turn friends and family are either pregnant or TTC and I'm wondering if it's time to join the bandwagon and get started TTC or to wait a while on the basis that our girls are still so young.
I absolutely love the 18 month age gap between 1 and 2, they are two peas in a pod but my god they are a lot of work! I'd love to have a small gap between 2 and 3 but I'm worried it will send me over the edge! I'm a SAHM and absolutely love it but there's something slightly terrifying about the thoughts of having 3! Any thoughts welcome!

OP posts:
onesteptwosteps · 06/08/2020 23:16

If you love the small age gap you have then you'll probably take to it well with three under 5. Do you have family near just in case you need a hand? Of course you don't know for sure how long it will take to conceive so start trying as soon as you think you could handle it!

frazzledmomof3 · 06/08/2020 23:19

3 under 3 here. It was bloody hard the first year. Baby is 1 and it's getting slightly easier. The older 2 entertain each other. If I could speak to my younger self I'd have left more of a gap

Original poster
Travellingmotherhood · 06/08/2020 23:23

@onesteptwosteps thanks for your response! Yes both our families are about 45 mins away so not too far and we have lots of friends locally with young children even if it's only to have someone to moan with on the hard days while the kids entertain eachother to give us a break! We started TTC early on our 2nd assuming it would take at least the 5 months it took with our first and we were extremely lucky to have got pregnant first go. In case that happens again I want to be 100% sure timing is right (and then Sods law it'll probably take ages 😂)

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Original poster
Travellingmotherhood · 06/08/2020 23:25

@frazzledmomof3 this is exactly what I'm afraid of! Thanks for what I'm taking as a word of warning! If I could I'd send you a major pat on the back and a coffee, 3 under 3 must be exhausting!

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chillandrelax · 06/08/2020 23:30

I had 3 under 4, was stressful and hectic. Youngest is 7 now and it's easier. But three sent me over the edge.........

Lucylivesinamushroomhouse · 07/08/2020 10:15

22 months between my girls, and then 2 and a half years gap to baby boy. I would have loved a small age gap between 2 and 3 but it absolutely would have sent me over the edge!!

I found going from 2 to 3 the easiest transition (very grateful that baby was born 5 months before lockdown). The girls needed much less attention from me as they have each other, both potty trained so only one set of nappies, and also once you’re used to the chaos of 2, 3 really isn’t that much different. So the first few months have been great, global pandemic notwithstanding.

I do find myself worrying that baby brother will feel left out as he grows up, partly because of the bigger gap and partly because he’s the only boy. And my girls, like yours by the sound of it, have such a strong bond.

He’s 9 months now and a complete liability. The girls are forever making up elaborate games involving lots of tiny things lined up, and he’s constantly destroying it and making them mad. Hopefully this phase will be short lived as they are definitely falling out of love with him!! Oldest has been particularly smitten from the day he was born, middle has found it a harder adjustment. All very predictable really!

MeanMrMustardSeed · 07/08/2020 10:18

If you’re definitely stopping with three, I’d probably go for it now. If you think you might like four, it’s more of a marathon than a sprint and I’d delay a year.

Poppyismyfavourite · 07/08/2020 10:40

Even if you got pregnant now there'd be almost 2.5 years between your second and third

princesspeppax · 07/08/2020 10:48

I have a 5 year old & 3 year old, due DC3 anyday now so very interested to read responses on here Smile

Waitingfirgodot · 07/08/2020 12:34

We had three under four when our youngest was born. Luckily she was the easiest baby of the lot (number one was a nightmare -I'm kind of surprised looking back that we had any more!) It was hard at first, but now the youngest is six and it's great. They all get on so well and are so supportive of each other. With hindsight, I would have done the same thing.

Remmy123 · 07/08/2020 13:06

I had a third and it was a big mistake. Life would have been much nicer /cheaper with two

Babies are cute but I have older children and all they do is argue

Yesterdayforgotten · 07/08/2020 13:10

@Remmy123 appreciate your honestly ad not many people will admit that Flowers

Yesterdayforgotten · 07/08/2020 13:11

as

CeibaTree · 07/08/2020 13:13

My parents had 3 children in 3.2 years. My mum spent a lot of my childhood stressed and frazzled. I wouldn't do it myself, but if you have a good support network (my parents didn't) then it could work for you.

Original poster
Travellingmotherhood · 07/08/2020 13:15

@Lucylivesinamushroomhouse thank you for sharing your experience, that's great its all working out so well, don't worry too much about your son being left out, my 3 brothers were 2.5 years apart as well as my husband and his brother and all did everything together as kids and got on great (most of the time!)

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Original poster
Travellingmotherhood · 07/08/2020 13:18

@Remmy123 I also appreciate your honesty! I absolutely agree life would probably be much more relaxed and cheaper with 2, that's why it took us so long to decide if we even wanted a 3rd but I just can't shake the feeling that we're not finished yet so going to go with it just unsure about timing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Travellingmotherhood · 07/08/2020 13:20

@Poppyismyfavourite yes when you say it like that it seems like perfect timing, I think what puts me off is the idea of my eldest just turning 4 if we were lucky enough to get pregnancy right away, she seems so young to potentially have 2 siblings. Think I'm leaning towards going for it 😬

OP posts:
Original poster
Travellingmotherhood · 07/08/2020 13:22

@frazzledmomof3 thanks for sharing your experience, and well done have 3 so young! They'll be grateful to have been so close in age as they grow up I'm sure! theoretically how much more of a gap between 2 and 3 do you think would be ideal?

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Original poster
Travellingmotherhood · 07/08/2020 13:23

@MeanMrMustardSeed thanks for sharing your opinion, definitely stopping at 3! 4 scares the living daylights out of me 😂

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Heartofstrings · 07/08/2020 13:25

Just to say... one are currently 2.5 and 3.5. The 2.5 has attitude now so they fight a lot more lately. When he was nearer 24 months he was very placid

PotteringAlong · 07/08/2020 13:27

I have 3. They’re now 7, 5 and 3.

I love the little one to bits and he completed our family in a way it wasn’t complete before but, as I have said on other threads, if I had known then what I know now I would have stopped at 2.

The first 12 months of having 3 were hard, relentless and miserable and nearly broke me.

PotteringAlong · 07/08/2020 13:29

But (because I’m now feeling a bit horrible and disloyal) I love him to pieces and wouldn’t be without any of them.

I would be really curious to see what my middle one would have been like if he wasn’t the middle one - I suspect different Smile

frazzledmomof3 · 07/08/2020 13:30

I now have coffee through an IV drip 😂😂😂

I thinkmaybe because number 3 was such a terrible baby. He had colic reflux and cmpi. He screamed for the 4 months of his life. In and out of hospital switching milks. As pp said 2 - 3 transition isn't as bad. You have the routine going. I would always say

Pros they will do everything together (mostly) when they are close in age
They always have a friend to play with
You are just as sleep deprived so it doesn't matter
They tend to nap together

Cons
The amount of nappies
You are on the go all day
You don't have much of a socual life. A pause on social life as I like to say!

Thneedville · 07/08/2020 13:59

A lot of people have their third and last after a bigger gap (eg once youngest starts school) so they can really enjoy the baby years one last time. Depends on whether you want to get the baby years out of the way or want to savour it.

elainesummers · 07/08/2020 17:20

Reading with interest OP, we are also wondering about a third child, also have two DDs already although the gap between them is bigger.

How old are you? If you have time on your side I'd be tempted to wait and have a bigger gap just to make it a bit more manageable. If you're on the older side I'd probably be more likely to go for it now.