3rd child timing - am I mad??

[Travellingmotherhood]

Would love some advice particularly of anyone with 3 or small age gaps. I have 2 beautiful daughters aged 3 and 20 months. DH and I have finally after months of indecision decided to have a 3rd baby but now the decision is made I'm ridiculously broody. Everywhere I turn friends and family are either pregnant or TTC and I'm wondering if it's time to join the bandwagon and get started TTC or to wait a while on the basis that our girls are still so young.
I absolutely love the 18 month age gap between 1 and 2, they are two peas in a pod but my god they are a lot of work! I'd love to have a small gap between 2 and 3 but I'm worried it will send me over the edge! I'm a SAHM and absolutely love it but there's something slightly terrifying about the thoughts of having 3! Any thoughts welcome!

Iv got 3! It’s a lovely number. My eldest is 5, then 3 (23 months between them) and then my baby is now 8 months old (exactly 3 years between #2 and #3). Having the slightly larger age gap this time has enabled me to spend some one to one time with the baby and does make it easier se my eldest can help a little. But I do worry that the age gap will be so much that they wont have as much in common and makes days out slightly harder trying to suit everyone!

We stopped at 2 because I was worried I couldn't cope. I'm too old now to have kids and I still wish I had a third, even more so once my marriage collapsed. Go for it, yes it's hard but it's only a short time that they are young.

My third is 4 months born at start of lockdown. Brothers are 6 and almost 4. They get on well as a three, she loves her big brothers and they entertain themselves reasonably well. I feel if I managed lockdown they "normal " life should be a breeze 🙈I may even consider a fourth haha 😂

We had a 23mo gap then a 16mo gap. So when dc3 was brain damaged at birth I was dealing with a newborn in special care alongside a toddler and a pre-schooler. With 3 under 4 including a tube fed newborn with three or four hospital and home visit appointments a week for physio and feeding advice, our life went from lovely broody with two littlies to utter carnage and an inability to give any one child of three exactly what they needed.
Be careful what you wish for
Of course, down the road we all got on with it and can’t imagine not having dc3, but our life is nowhere near what I imagined. Including for siblings - from being the centre of the universe to having to accept that a disabled brother or sister has needs that will sometimes be in conflict with yours is hard. And it’s hard for the kid with the disability to look at their siblings and say how come I’m the disabled one and they aren’t? Just go into it with your eyes open. Risks are small, but birth injuries are a thing and kids with disabilities don’t require a letter of invitation to arrive
Good luck with whatever you decide.

We considered a third then didn’t. So glad we didn’t. Lovely dynamic with 4 easier Can have adventures as a family and wow kids get more expensive. You can’t fob 13 year olds off with hand me downs - well not mine anyway!

Is crack on if I were you. The gap between your eldest and youngest will be 4 years which is ok but much more than that it gets hard to find things to do all together. Just my opinion!

I had a 21 month gap then a 28 month gap. It's been brilliant. They are now 6, 4 and 2. They enjoy all the same things and are easy to please. My body suffered though.

@autumnkate yes when you put it that way it makes complete sense to go for it 👍 thanks for sharing 😊

@frazzledmomof3 that sounds like a very rough time of it you had with no 3. 👏 Well don't for surviving the first year, sounds torturous, mad and wonderful all in one go, just as kids life with young kids generally is!
We had a rough time with our no 1, she was born 7 weeks early, couldn't latch, needed a feeding tube and NICU stay for a few weeks. Then went though months of low milk supply and she Never slept! She was only 9 pounds at 4 months old, she was a newborn for what felt like forever and looking back I don't know how we did it. No. 2 was born 5 weeks early so very likely no 3 would be early too (incompetent cervix) but at least we know how to handle a preemie baby after going through it twice. Thank god they're good sleepers now or I'd crack up! Thank you for reminding me that things aren't always so straight forward!

You’re welcome! My 3rd was born when the eldest was 4. I decided to go for it because I didn’t want the age gap any bigger. It
Was definitely the right decision for us. Good luck!

Two family members have had 3 under 2. Twins. One was running her own business whilst her husband worked away during the week. Everyone is fine. Everyone survived.

@compulsivesnacker that's sounds like an incredibly difficult first year you had, you're children are very lucky to have a mum that considers their feelings from all angles ❤️ thank you for sharing your story that things don't always end up as you expect.
We had a hard time with our first, she was born 7 weeks early (incompetent cervix), couldn't latch, needed a feeding tube and NICU stay for a few weeks. She was only 9 pounds at 4 months old, she was a newborn for what felt like forever and looking back I don't know how we did it but thank god she is healthy now. No 2 was born 5 weeks early so very likely no 3 would be early too and come with all that entails and potentially more. Definitely need to consider if we're ready for that again 🤔

@purbal wow... Just wow! 😂 They deserve a medal! I couldn't imaging running a business on top of having 3 under 2! I think mindset (and enough coffee) can have a huge impact on how well you cope! Thanks for sharing.

DD1 and 2 are 18 months apart. I wanted roughly the same for child 3 but that didn't happen. DD2 will be 2.5years older than DD3.

I just wonder what kind of relationships they're going to have. 1 and 2 are so close and 3 will be the odd one out?! Won't be able to play with the same toys or do the same things.

I would say just go for it!!! You know from DC1, the first couple of years are hard! But then it gets a little easier :)

I have a nearly 7 year old, nearly 4 and three month old baby. So far things are going really well, with ds1 reading to the baby (out of choice). He really loves the baby and he teams up with ds2 and they would only be one year in between them at school. Ds2 is battling jealousy but he does love ds3 too. Coming from a large family I know it is not your ages that plays the biggest obstacle in how close siblings are the personalities of the children and how they are parented.

My first 3 were born within 3 years of each other. It was chaos at first but not dramatically different! Personally, I found going from one to two children the hardest. There’s a 5 year gap between my 3rd and 4th. That’s lovely too as they all mother him, he wasn’t planned!!!

My three are all 24 months apart. My eldest had two younger siblings the day before she turned four.

It’s so personal and so different for everyone. My eldest is very grown up in approach and my middle child has special needs and is immature so they don’t spend a lot of time playing together. On the other hand, my middle and youngest are best friends, so having a third child saved us from a very tricky dynamic. My youngest is incredibly laid back and cheerful so was the only baby I produced that met the ‘easy’ criteria and it was a joy to experience that. She has added nothing but happiness to our family. But as PPs here have written, it’s different for everyone and every child that is born comes with their own needs and character.

Having them close together means we are now well out of the baby stage. I personally feel that I really wouldn’t want to go back to it now.

We had 3 close together so for a few months I had 3 pre schoolers before the eldest started school at age 4.

It’s hard work (no family near by and I always returned to work 3 days a week after short maternity leaves - this was well before the long ML available now)

Ours are grown up now. I’d say if you’re going to have 3, have them close together. Although that first year is tough, you’re then moving through each phase together as a family.

I had a couple of friends who had a 3rd after a big gap, eg when their second child was at school. The baby bit seemed relatively easy in comparison- I remember one friend telling me it was a bit like having a first baby again! When her elder two were in school it was just her and the newborn. However, after that initial ‘honeymoon’ it looked way more disruptive and difficult to me. In our friendship group we’d do day trips out and even holidays together, so once the rest of us had kids in the 7-10, primary age bracket, she had an 18 month old, so she was quite restricted in what she could do. Newborns are portable; toddlers aren’t! I remember one occasion we were all at a children’s exhibition/ museum type place and all her toddler wanted to do was run around shrieking so she had to take him off outside. Then when our kids were all secondary school/ young teens, she had a 6 year old too.

So IME although it‘a hard work and you feel you need a dozen hands to begin with, looking at it overall It’s nice as a family unit to be at the same stage. Of course that doesn’t mean they’ll never bicker or fall out (no one can guarantee that whatever ages!) but it means you can plan trips, holidays, normal day to day stuff, even down to reading books/ watching films together as a family without having one child who wants something entirely different

To add a different perspective, the gap between my middle and youngest is 4 yrs (surprise 3rd).

Whilst it was easier in the sense that the older 2 were much more capable, now that youngest is 3 and wants to do his own thing too, it's sometimes hard to do things that all 3 enjoy. So youngest still likes soft play but eldest is getting bored of that.

Also youngest loves to be with older children and obviously at 3 they can find him annoying and it can be an issue with friends etc.

Having said that I know a smaller gap would have been incredibly difficult for me.

I had 3 under 5. Only ever had one in nappies at a time. It was hard work but nothing compared to just having my first child. I also knew I wanted to baby years done in a one-er. It has meant as they’ve grown up they are all in similarish life stages as well so you aren’t negotiating huge gaps in what they want to do. Though I’m in the rolling teen years at the moment and it definitely has it’s moments.

Yes, I've got 3 too. Almost 3, 1.5 and 7 months. Age gaps of 15 months and 13 months.

I've got extremely easy children and they all slept through from about 3 months, so I can't say it's too hard (I'm lucky). But then I think the small age gaps made pregnancy easier, because small children can't do too much wrong and they take naps regularly. So you won't be pregnant and tired/feeling awful with a toddler who's dropped their nap.

When the older two get tantrums at the same time, that's quite fun, but otherwise it's fine.

Life can be hectic, but I think the older they get, the more similar their interests, so they'll entertain each other (or argue, I bet 😂).

Personally, I think it's far easier to deal with a newborn if you don't have commitments like a school run. Newborns can't wait, at all, so it's difficult to get them to fit into the schedule. If no-one really has fixed commitments, the day is much less stressful.

Just remember to put a toothbrush in the downstairs loo and a utility belt for mums with a dummy (if you use one), hankies, a muslin and anything else anyonemight need.

Before our last one was born, my husband said, "How the hell are we going to do this?" I said, "We'll wing it." And we have. Our smallest is really the easiest, sweetest girl there is and both adore her and she adores them.

Hi all, just thought I'd give an update as I love when there's a conclusion to these threads! Thank you all so much for your advice and input. We decided to try for another baby and if it happened it happened and my god did it happen quickly, currently 9 weeks with our little baby no 3 😆 had a scan last week and all looks well so praying it continues to go that way. Could not be more thankful and very excited about the next chapter in our lives hopefully as a family of 5. X

4 under 5 here. #3 was the straw that broke the camels back! But we're all still alive.

I have 4 small age gaps, with 4 dc under 5. The smallest gap is between Dc1 & Dc2 and is 12 months. Dc2 & Dc3 is 20 months and the same for C3 & Dc4.

I found going from 2 to 3 very hard but had a bout of pnd which didn’t help. Things were great from about 16 months though. 3 to 4 was a breeze in comparison.
It’s tiring, and some days are difficult and I think what we’re we thinking? Most days are great and they mostly get on really well. They are all very close and play brilliantly together.
We have no family support which at times is hard, I am a sahp but dh and I do equal care, he is fortunate that he has his own business that allows flexibility.

Very glad of the small gaps.

Congrats, OP!