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Original poster

I've just been called a 'Karen'

36 replies

OldLace · 06/08/2020 21:49

So, I'm walking our dog with my 12 yr old dd. V rural.
We are walking right past a solo parked up car (narrow country lane) when the door opens and a guy (around 20-25 leans out, hawks up some phlegm and spits it right in front of us). We stop in our tracks (so as not to be spat on).
He says: 'oh, soreeeee'. I ignore him and we start to walk off.
He then says: 'oi, you, I SAID sorry', quite aggressively.
So I say: 'yes, I heard you'. so he says: 'so whats your problem'
I say: 'I don't have one'
We walk on.
No other route back so 10mins later we have to walk past.
Dd and I are chatting, and we don't look across at the car. Again the door opens: 'oi, I SAID SORRY'. I ignore. Then he says' you know what, you're a right Fking Karen you are'. I laugh and say: 'yes, but you are a bit of a knob too' (should NOT have said this in front of dd).
He laughs and says; 'yes, I am actually but I'm gonna put you on Facebook all the same'.

Dd and I had been talking about bullying.
I wanted her to see me not afraid. I tried to use humour to deflect it
But, did I mess up? I probably shouldn't have said a single word.
But that was making him angry in itself so I'm not sure what I should have done better, though I am sure I could have handled it better
(obv saying 'knob' in front of dd was a mistake - no idea where that came from as it's not a word I have ever used before I dont think?)

OP posts:
withaspongeandarustyspanner · 06/08/2020 21:58

Disgusting pig. I hate spitting. And it's such a bad idea in the time of COVID.

But he said sorry - so you should just accept it!! I don't get this way of thinking at all. Just because people apologise - never means you have to accept it. I would have done the same as you, I think.

What's he going to put on FB anyway? Knob.

withaspongeandarustyspanner · 06/08/2020 21:58

And he misused 'Karen' anyway.

kerfuffling · 06/08/2020 21:59

Did you take the reg number? I can't help wondering what he was doing just sitting there in the car all that time.

If anyone was unpleasant to me when I had dc with me I'd just say "Don't speak like that in front of a little child" and then walk on.

SquishySquirmy · 06/08/2020 22:01

Well he was a knob!

He honestly sounds like someone trying really hard to pick a fight with you. Which in a rural location I would find quite threatening, especially when on foot with a 10 year old. I worry that he would have taken whatever you did as a reason to get angry - including if you appeared frightened...

So although I don't normally agree with swearing in front of dc, I think it is very difficult to stand up for yourself/show you're not afraid without escalating the situation. I think the approach you took worked. Don't doubt yourself, he very much sounds like the problem. All you did was walk past.

Andylion · 06/08/2020 22:01

Were you supposed to reply to his sorry, "Oh that's ok"?

ButterflyRuns · 06/08/2020 22:04

What a weirdo!

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 06/08/2020 22:06

If I was myself I would have either had a right go at him or blatantly taken a photo of his registration and told him I would report him. I think you handled it well considering your dd was there.
I can't believe people actually act like that!

Smallsteps88 · 06/08/2020 22:07

Dd and I had been talking about bullying.

Oh this was a golden opportunity! Instead of responding to him you should have spoken to DD very loudly and said “oh DD this is exactly the type of bully I was talking about earlier. Men who pick on women when they’d never do the same thing to a man.”

doublethecuddlestwinmum · 06/08/2020 22:10

@Smallsteps88

Dd and I had been talking about bullying.

Oh this was a golden opportunity! Instead of responding to him you should have spoken to DD very loudly and said “oh DD this is exactly the type of bully I was talking about earlier. Men who pick on women when they’d never do the same thing to a man.”

This!! 👆 What a disgusting thing to do.
katy1213 · 06/08/2020 22:15

What's he going to put on facebook? I gobbed in front of this woman and she was so stuck-up she objected?
I saw someone do it in the street the other day and yelled, "you disgusting pig' at him.
Not sure I'd have been brave in a country lane - so well done you!

Original poster
OldLace · 06/08/2020 23:10

thanks for the feedback (was just herding teens to bed)

I felt I could have done better but yes he was certainly picking a fight as my silence seemed to enrage him so I felt i had to say something to defuse it. Eventually it did seem defused but I think I've seen that car there before so I hope I dont see them again.

Yes, photographing the reg number would have been a good idea

@Smallsteps88 that would have been the PERFECT thing to say!

I didn't want to draw attention to my Dd (she has autism) but yes I probably could've said that if I'd been quicker off the mark !

OP posts:
Ozgirl75 · 07/08/2020 02:08

This is just plain old unpleasant asshole sexism dressed up as something new. The whole Karen thing has given shitty men yet another way to behave appallingly to women.
You did nothing wrong and I would have behaved similarly to you (although would probably given him a disgusted look for spitting).

Ozgirl75 · 07/08/2020 02:09

Also, I imagine it would have been quite intimidating in a rural setting. God some people are just such assholes.

duletty · 07/08/2020 02:15

I think you handled this the right way and personally I wouldn’t have confronted him in an isolated place as things can quickly escalate and people are unpredictable

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 07/08/2020 02:17

He’s a twat, clearly looking for an argument. And he doesn’t know what the term Karen is actually used for.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/08/2020 02:18

Misogynist.

Also wanker.

ReefTeeth · 07/08/2020 02:24

I think you handled it well. You showed your DD how to respond when pushed by aggression.

The conversation about males targetting females is better between just you and your DD so that you can discuss in depth but you've got a perfect example to talk about.

He certainly does sound like a knob 🙄

slipperywhensparticus · 07/08/2020 02:25

You dont HAVE to accept an apology ffs entitled wanker that he is

Iloveyoutothefridgeandback · 07/08/2020 03:12

He sounds like he was drunk or on drugs, so I really wouldn't be trying to make sense of any of his behaviour. He just sounds nuts to me. Either that or it's just a normal day for him to be horrendously aggressive and arragont.

I think what you said was fine. It's easy to come up with something better in hindsight, or to think you should have kept your mouth shut, but life happens as it happens. You did what you thought was best at that moment. Don't drive yourself crazy dwelling on it and criticizing your self.

KickAssAngel · 07/08/2020 03:39

I'm sick of the 'Karen' insult. It's just a way to shut up women, even if their upsets are completely legitimate.

btw - you weren't being one, unless you've missed out a whole chunk where actually he was genuinely apologetic, had a valid medical reason that meant he needed to spit, and you threatened to call the police on him. Even then, you're being annoying, not a Karen.

Nancydrawn · 07/08/2020 03:40

That's not what a Karen is. He is rude, aggressive, and stupid.

It can be quite unnerving when things like this happen. Know that there was nothing you could say that would have been the 'right thing' to say. He wanted a response and would have goaded you until you said something and gotten even more aggressive if you didn't; if you responded with something cutting, it wouldn't get through to him.

It was a gross power trip. I'm sorry it happened.

popcornlover · 07/08/2020 05:38

Just forget it. Yes you should always stick up for yourself no matter what. But move on from the incident now.

lovelemoncurd · 07/08/2020 06:02

He sounds like a weird loser. I think you handled the freak in the best way you could.

The Karen thing.. I don't like the term but he wasn't even using the term as other idiots would. Bizarre expression!

SteelyPanther · 07/08/2020 06:42

I hate the fact that people think that you have to accept an apology.

CourtneyLurve · 07/08/2020 06:45

The whole Karen thing has given shitty men yet another way to behave appallingly to women.

This. Karen is meant to be used by BAME people to highlight white racism. Instead, it's been co-opted by the above.

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