I've just been called a 'Karen'

[OldLace]

So, I'm walking our dog with my 12 yr old dd. V rural.
We are walking right past a solo parked up car (narrow country lane) when the door opens and a guy (around 20-25 leans out, hawks up some phlegm and spits it right in front of us). We stop in our tracks (so as not to be spat on).
He says: 'oh, soreeeee'. I ignore him and we start to walk off.
He then says: 'oi, you, I SAID sorry', quite aggressively.
So I say: 'yes, I heard you'. so he says: 'so whats your problem'
I say: 'I don't have one'
We walk on.
No other route back so 10mins later we have to walk past.
Dd and I are chatting, and we don't look across at the car. Again the door opens: 'oi, I SAID SORRY'. I ignore. Then he says' you know what, you're a right Fking Karen you are'. I laugh and say: 'yes, but you are a bit of a knob too' (should NOT have said this in front of dd).
He laughs and says; 'yes, I am actually but I'm gonna put you on Facebook all the same'.

Dd and I had been talking about bullying.
I wanted her to see me not afraid. I tried to use humour to deflect it
But, did I mess up? I probably shouldn't have said a single word.
But that was making him angry in itself so I'm not sure what I should have done better, though I am sure I could have handled it better
(obv saying 'knob' in front of dd was a mistake - no idea where that came from as it's not a word I have ever used before I dont think?)

I think you did very well to hold back and be as restrained as you were.

It's very difficult when man you don't know becomes aggressive in tone or action and you are vulnerable because you have your child with you.

If you were ruder or pulled him up on the spitting you have no idea how he may have reacted. I would have mentally noted the registration and reported to the police later, couldn't give a toss if that made me a Karen, I won't accept the intimidation of women.

You don't need a trendy buzzword to call him what he is: a misogynist. And it is a good opportunity to explain male aggression to dd, how it's not your (or her) fault, and how it can be a tricky thing, balancing your safety with the desire to kick his arse! Also - I'm sorry it happened.

The whole Karen thing has given shitty men yet another way to behave appallingly to women.

YES, it is a way to shut women up. What is sad is many women are happy to play into this stereotype.

The only way with these people is to confuse them. It is so easy.
‘I didn’t know you knew Karen. How is she, still with Geoff?’ Would have left his furious that you didn’t get his insult. He’d have been sething.

Aside from being a disgusting pig he is thick too as he completely misused 'Karen'. Karen is allegedly a woman who is self righteous and complains a lot. You did the exact opposite of complaining by ignoring him.

It's extremely disturbing that people seem to think it's acceptable ever to use the name as an insult. How utterly offensive. Its a very common name particularly with middle-aged working class women. That's someone's actual name. Many people's actual name. It's nasty to use it as an insult. Obviously also very misogynistic.

I'm sorry you had such a horrible experience OP. Verbally abused and assaulted (spitting).

I think you managed a really awful situation very well. He sounds scary and you and dd must have felt very vulnerable.

You kept calm and steady, you called him a knob which he is and you kept moving.

I handled a bad situation a couple of years ago and I did everything wrong, namely getting extremely angry. I nearly got my head kicked in but worse I put my child in danger. Unforgivable and I learnt a very big lesson to keep calm and minimise my response.

Honestly you did the right thing.

There’s another great lesson here for your daughter.

If a man does something unacceptable but says sorry, you don’t need to giggle and say “it’s ok”.

You did a great job - and the Karen thing is awful. Just designed to shut women up.

I was able to give my kids a lesson last year on a petrol forecourt about “pushing back against men who think they can push women around”. Tbf I was safely inside my car with locked doors - I wouldn’t have been so brave down a country lane.

I think you probably did do the best thing OP. Anything else and you risk him getting even more aggressive, you were in a rural location alone with your child, so it was a risky situation. It’s all very well me saying “you should have...” but in reality would I have felt safe doing that? Probably not. And these men know it. Least said and get out of there as quick as you can. Keep your phone charged and in your pocket when out and about just incase he’s a proper asshole who will come back to that spot again in the hope of catching you.

I just wanted to say Thank You for the further replies -
lots to think about (not to dwell on it I agree but to think so I feel better prepared / more confident next time)
I think he IS local as I've seen the car before (it has some damage which is very specific, and I've seen it around before. So, prep is good)

I am a person who was SA as a child so I can struggle with judging / holding boundaries. My dd has Autism so she does too.
I'm always mindful that I'm alone in a rural area and sometimes you have to let things go but also that I want to show Dd I am not afraid (even if I am) and that sucking up to bullies usually encourages them.

After we walked off I met a woman from the village, my age, walking alone heading towards the parked car. I spoke to her about something for a few minutes (I owe her £5 and wanted to know where to drop it off as I didn't have my purse with me). Dd got restless so I quickly said: 'btw' there is a bit of an idiot in the car down there, just for warning if you are going that way' and she said 'thanks I am, so it's good to be prepared if there's an idiot man person at large'.
She said it very lightly and confidently with a smile and I thought it was great, and was pleased Dd heard it.
As we walked off, Dd said, 'it's not nice to tell tales on people, Karen'(!)
So I explained that actually women need to look out for each other.
then said, PEOPLE need to look out for each other but women especially as they tend to be on the receiving end of problems more.

As she'd heard I'd offered to drop a card with the £5 to the other woman's house Dd kindly said she'd cycle round when we got home.
I said thank you but NO as it's getting dark now, but in the morning would be great. Dd very upset that she had 'tried to help' and said that was my 1 chance, she'd not go in the morning. Lots of lessons ;)