When your OH says he's going to do something "in a minute"

[Time40]

... what does he mean in reality? Mine means anything from half an hour to several months - or never. (Not that I mind - I think it's amusing, but I can imagine this driving some people mad. I've done all the washing up and started on another job since he said he was going to bed "in a minute.")

We got a fish tank for DD actually for him

I made it VERY clear said fish tank was nothing to do with me. I would chuck some food in, but everything else.... not on me (it was big and I resented where it was placed in my living room).

I told him filter was making a funny noise. He said he would look in a minute . Then it would get later in the evening and he would say "damn! Forgot to look at the fish tank, I'll do it tomorrow"
This went on for 10 days.
When he finally did, the fish were dead.

He was sobbing. "My father would be so ashamed of me... I'm so ashamed of myself "
I remember looking at him, in his genuine distress and thinking "I don't know what to say to give you comfort here. I TOLD you the filter sounded odd". I told you several times. You're supposed to know about fish tanks
He had to live with his conscience

He means until I give up and do it myself. At which point he will say "oh sorry babe I was about to do that"

I reply, if I wanted it done in minute or two, I would ask in a minute or two and then fix him with a hard stare.

Mine says Aye, I'm gonna dae that! "in tones of indignation if he's asked more than once.

Sometimes I can leave it months, or even years between reminders. He's been going to look at our roof slates, because we have to get buckets out when it rains heavily, for about 3 years now.

He is a roofer by trade.

I'm going to have I'm gonnae! carved on his gravestone.

Same as your OH, OP. Anything from later that day to several months/never/until I give in and do it myself.

It used to drive me crazy when we first got together, not so much nowadays. I've learnt that it's just 'him', and most of the time it is easier if I just do whatever needs doing anyway.

Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.

Baroness Edith Summerskill

Enough said.

Oh no, Victorious - those poor fish! I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I'd like to think your OH has learned his lesson ...

"It's on the list"

TBF, he does everything.

It means that he wants to carry on with what he’s doing and will probably forget. 🙄 If it’s really important then he will do it though. So he wouldn’t forget anything that meant a living thing died. That’s awful VictoriousSockPuppet and I’d have no desire to comfort my partner if his actions, or lack of then killed something. Poor fish. I couldn’t care less how distressed he was. I couldn’t forgive him for that. What a bastard.
We can all be lazy, but there’s lines.

Oh no, Victorious - those poor fish! I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Why the fuck would you laugh?

Why the fuck would you laugh?

Good god, who rattled your cage? And letting some fish die hardly makes anyone a bastard. It's unfortunate and sad, but it's not the crime of the century. The internet, eh? - start a lighthearted thread and you get this sort of over-reaction.

Um, no DP here, but it means I will get round to it when I have time and can be arsed.

It's unfortunate and sad, but it's not the crime of the century.

Unfortunate, sad.... m and completely preventable. So yes it does make someone a lazy bastard. Your post was lighthearted but it changes to not lighthearted when living things are killed.

For every task DH does the time he takes talking about it is around ten times as long as the time to actually complete the task. He’ll announce for most of the day “I’ll do x in a minute”, “I’ll do x after we’ve ate”, “oh I said I’d do x didn’t I”, “I still haven’t done x but I’ll do it after I’ve watched this tv programme”. Often it falls into the next day! Then I do x. Then he tells me “you want me to help around the house but you do things I’m going to do because you can’t wait for anything”!!!!

Nope don’t want you to “help” matey! Want you to do your share and not just think aloud about stuff we both know I’ll end up doing!

@BlessYourCottonSocks

Mine says Aye, I'm gonna dae that! "in tones of indignation if he's asked more than once.

Sometimes I can leave it months, or even years between reminders. He's been going to look at our roof slates, because we have to get buckets out when it rains heavily, for about 3 years now.

He is a roofer by trade.

I'm going to have I'm gonnae! carved on his gravestone.

You too, bless?

I feel your pain. One room unusable , water in through collapsing ceiling, for three years now. Rain in through tops of windows where stonework needs repaired. Layers of plastic sheeting on flat roof, added to after each storm rips away strips which flap around and fall into garden. Ten years +

Construction inspector......

My DP says 'I'll do it now' but actually means 'I'm busy looking at my phone / staring into space / eating sweets.' So I either end up doing it (like a pp said, he then says 'I was going to do that...') or end up leaving it and it never gets done. Dd1 has had a bare bulb in her room for 6 months as he hasn't finished one particular job. I could do it but it is the principle of the thing.

Tbf, he works a very hard and stressful job, but I just wish he'd be honest and say he'll do it later or never!

My Ex nickname was "later on" as that was his go to phrase. In the end I gave up. The thing is he was an electrician and I had no lights in my bedroom for 2 years, he actually finished them just before we sold the house and split up!

I used to call my DH "gunna", as he was always "gunna do this" or " gunna do that" etc.

Some jobs he still won't have done 5 years down the line.

@MrsTidyHouse..

I feel better to know I'm not the only one! The thing is, he's an immensely practical and capable man. Who immediately goes to do jobs for other folks, e.g. Friends and family. It's just our house where he puts stuff off forever. We've been here roughly 20 years now and there are jobs that needed doing when we moved in that he's still not got round to.

"if I've said I'll do it then I'll do it. There's no need to remind me every six months."
Bless my wife, she's not Cornish - when we first got together she thought "directly" meant "immediately".

oh I have one who likes to save all these jobs until we are about to set off on a journey. It can be any journey - shops, out for dinner, day at beach, holiday, doesn’t really matter where you can just guarantee that DH will suddenly start a random ‘to do job’ ten minutes before we are supposed to be getting in the car ...

@BlessYourCottonSocks

Sounds exactly like my DH. Including the dropping everything to help others. He doesn't even respond to the idea that the house is losing value with every neglected repair.

It's been longer than twenty years here, and I find it so humiliating. I'm not great, with unfinished projects, etc, but at least a rubbishy paint job doesn't let the rain in. Recently, I've wondered if it's bordering on abuse, or at the very least emotional neglect of some sort.

Sorry to be miserable about this.

I can't actually manage with vague statements. My example is that we leave the house according to his needs, a need i respect but i do need a time frame. So, i ask when he thinks we might go, he says "soon", i remind him i need an actually measure if time in minutes, he then produces his best guess. Works for us!

well, dh completed a particular job over lockdown that had been started when we moved into this house 18 years ago.....so yep. When he says hell do something it could be anything from several hours to many years later!
Although you can almost always guarantee he will decide to start some major renovation project about a week before Christmas every year....