When your OH says he's going to do something "in a minute"

[Time40]

... what does he mean in reality? Mine means anything from half an hour to several months - or never. (Not that I mind - I think it's amusing, but I can imagine this driving some people mad. I've done all the washing up and started on another job since he said he was going to bed "in a minute.")

He might do it, he might not, and he would be happier if I did it instead.

Not sure how many years our front die was dodgy for before he fixed it. I'd like to think he got into it immediately after the time I got 'Locked out' (though nothing to do with the lock) early one morning when he was away and I had to get a neighbour to break in for me, but I doubt it.

The other thing he'll do is do about 90% of a job then leave it unfinished for years. He totally overhauled the garden 2 years ago - he's only now doing the last section. He built a shed early last year - still hasn't felted the roof so everything inside is liable to get damp. He re floored the lounge last month - all fine except for the awkward bit around the fire. If that's done in the next five years I'll be gobsmacked!

@Shinygreenelephant

He means until I give up and do it myself. At which point he will say "oh sorry babe I was about to do that"

Yes I get exactly this.

Also when my DH finally gets round to starting a job he spends ages finding what he needs in the garage and gets distracted in said garage by the need to rearrange his tools. By the time he manages to find what he needs he then requires a break for a snack or lie down. Finally he will start the job but then find he needs something else to complete it. He will then go to the diy shop and by the time he comes home it will be meal time. He will eat his dinner and then declare he is too tired to finish said job so it will join the long list of incomplete jobs.

My dh does this

I ask him to do something, he says he will.

I remind him, he says I’m nagging and getting on at him.

End up doing it myself but then he ends up getting pissy because “I was just about do that!”

'In a minute' = probably at some point today, or at the weekend. But it will be soon.
'At some point' = this year if you're lucky!

It means,
“Never. I won’t do it well enough anyway so you may as well yell at me for not trying.”

Never. What he really means is I can hear you getting angry that I have consistently procrastinated about doing that thing,so I’ll mention it tomorrow that I’ve looked into it and found some overly complicated way that it needs doing so I need to buy a new ‘part’ and I’ll get that as soon as I can, so that now I’ve mentioned it I can live off that for the next six months during which time you’ve either a) done it yourself b) got a man in which I will moan and bitch and complain about, or c) forgotten all about it. NEVER. he means NEVER.

Mine doesn't even bother to give timescales any more. I get a non-committal "I'll see what I can do." If I need it doing in under six months I do it myself, over six months I'll think about getting him involved, then realise it's more hassle than it's worth and do it anyway.

Not just partners! My eldest son is like this - if I ask him to do something ie mow the grass, wash up, put clothes on the line, I have to set a time limit ie before 5pm or by tomorrow evening. He will always (usually!) do the job but in his time so by setting a time limit I know it will get done. OH is like this too! Middle son is like me - if asked to do something will do it immediately (in my case its because I have shocking peri-menopause brain fog and know I will forget if I leave it)

Any point in time longer than a minute...

Another thing is making a to-do list
He loves making to-do lists
But hardly ever does anything on the fecking list
If he spend as much time doing things on the list as he does making the list in the first place them the house would be spotless and perfect.

Hah. We're the opposite way around. I drive him potty saying, "In a minute". He's key motivational driver is 'Hurry Up' so it's very frustrating for him.

I find giving him choices helps. Kind of like you do with a toddler to prevent a tantrum. Do you want to fix the tap/electrics/whatever or do you want to bake cakes/do glittery shit with dd? Lets him know that sitting on his arse isn't an option.

@MrsTidyHouse. Don't worry.🙂

It's frustrating, isn't it? I'd be perfectly happy if he said, "No, I'm too busy/can't tackle that. Get someone in". But he doesn't. He says he'll do it, then doesn't!

I'm thinking of setting time scales on things...perhaps actually saying to him, if X isn't done by October half term I'll just get a tradesman in (trouble is we can't really afford it)

Try living in Cornwall. Everything’s fine dreckly here. Even bloody professional companies will tell you dreckly when you’re waiting on a delivery time.

@MrsTidyHouse

Sorry to be miserable about this.

Don't be sorry! Let it out. I think there is a point where it does become abuse.

Male penguins lovingly gather stones for days to create nests for their mates. Why the fuck are birds so much more advanced than many humans?

As I tell my DW, I did not say in the next minute nor did I specify which minute of the many still to come.

This invariably leads on to the question of how much beer is there in "a swift pint"?

I was a lot like OP and PP when we had been married only a short time, in that it could be amusing or mildly endearing. Not now though. And it's very hard to keep trying to get the house nice, only for things to be damaged mostly by rain and other leaks. Even clearing a room or a wall inside for work to be done, then giving up after several months and putting everything back. We're in a very wet part of the country.

Anyway, it's why I'm now determined to declutter as much of my own stuff as possible, as there is no pleasure for me in living here and no prospect of living elsewhere. This should have been a beautiful, warm, nurturing home, but I don't have the energy for it now.