How much would you charge for board

[Jebediah]

Name changed for this; been here a long time, but this is quite outing and friends/family know my usual username..
Our house has a separate 'sort-of' flat; it's a lounge, bathroom, small bedroom and a kitchenette. Not its own front door, you to go through our house to get to it.

A retired relative has asked if they can live there. They have said that they would prefer not to have to cook for themselves but would join us for evening meal. They would do their own washing, cleaning etc.

I know we should ask for more than just the cost of food as there's actually shopping cooking storing food (and apparently he'd like to use his own wine glasses, so storing those as well, and whatever other kitchen stuff he decides he actually wants to keep).

We've an idea about how much rent we'd want to charge, and utilities, but if we were to go for this, I know there's more involved than just the cost of extra food. There's having to cook every evening, there's washing up, there's wear and tear on the washing machine and dryer, and quite possibly thing I haven't even thought of.

We were considering the possibility of ds living in that area when he's back from Uni (he's at GCSEs now).

I'm tempted to say no as we just haven't thought it through fully yet, but at the same time, we are desperate for money, and this would be very helpful.

I really don't think this is a good idea. I am also quite taken aback that this man has decided he doesn't want to cook, so will be expecting you to cook for him and to then join your family for the meal. And he also needs space for his wine glasses in your kitchen? He's already quite demanding.

He sounds lonely and a bit entitled. Like he's now retiring, so he would fancy moving in with a relative and their family to cook and care for them. As you're rural, he might rarely ever leave the house. You would have no privacy.

Does he drive, or have any desire for a social life or plans to volunteer if he moves?

I also agree with PP about the affect on your marriage and kids. Plus, will you be able to get him to leave when your kids need the space? All around, I would say no.

I love how he's decided he wants you to cook his evening meal for him. What would happen if you were away or just didn't fancy cooking? Or if you went out for a meal, or wanted egg on toast and there weren't enough eggs for him? It sounds as though he's wanting a hotel.

Are you in an area where you could do AirBnB?

If this person is a parent or in law who just wasn't around for you/your husband over the years, then the answer would be a definite no.

Would you wipe their arse if they needed you to?

You would need to really adore them to even consider this. Of all the relatives I have that are not DH or DC I would consider taking in my Mum in law but that’s it absolutely no one else.

What if he gets ill? You don’t know him.

Look on
SpareRoom’s dot com for your area to get an approximate price for a similar annexed area

In my area an annex could range from £450 to £600 per month self sufficient

Including food isn’t wise from a tax point of view, as renting an annex or room up to £7000 per year is tax free - add food and it may have tax implications and you’d need to check that out

A lot will depend on how fond you are of the person, and how ‘easy’ they are, but personally I wouldn’t do it. Who knows what might lie ahead? It might sound horrible but you might get lumbered with all sorts of caring duties, not to mention dementia, and as someone who’s been through all that for many years with 2 relatives, I’d run a mile.

Even being expected to cook for them every night could turn into a PITA if you want to go out or just feel like beans on toast sometimes. Are they invariably going to be happy with what you usually cook, or would you have to cater to their likes and dislikes? (I can’t help thinking of my mother, who wasn’t ‘over keen’ on so many things!)

If the person’s still capable and reasonably active, is there some reason why they can’t rent a small flat? Are they in rented ATM? Are they going to be short of income and looking for cheaper accommodation?

Another thing, speaking from experience here, and I’m not saying it’s always the case, but people who’ve always seemed perfectly nice and ‘easy’, can become very self-centred and demanding in later life.

The stipulation about their own wine glasses makes them sound pernikity and annoying.

It does sound as if you don't know them that well.

What if at the end of every meal they hung about wanting to chat or sit with you in the main room.

Rural and London sound quite different.

I am guessing that they either don't have children or they haven't had teenagers around for a long time. I think it is possibly one of the worst times to introduce another adult to the dinner table. I personally love the teenager years but they can be fairly.. blunt and persistent. Mine unfettered would keep questioning the wine glass for example. It can also be one of the few times they will sit down with you and talk about their day/ life/ plans. We also try to encourage them to cook, I am not sure that they would be happy cooking/ clearing for an extra person unless that person was also on the rota. It may also feel to them as if he is pushing them out of the nest. I am not sure that the dynamic would work. If they had been younger (primary or below) or older and already left I might be more willing to consider it.

You're right, no one knows anyone that well until they live together.
This relative is about the same age as me, but is retiring from his profession. He is single, no children. He doesn't seem to have had much of a social life beyond work - he always worked really long hours.

I won't be being his carer under any circumstances - I think he knows this, but I'll remind him clearly, if we decide to do this. I'm really really unsure of it now.

Thank you everyone. Much more to consider; I'd kind of thought it could be like him living just down the road, popping in for dinner and going home again. Maybe joining us on the odd outing. I hadn't thought about what if we had friends over........ Same if he needed care. I'd assumed he'd be treated like a separate household/individual and he'd get a carer of his own, not that we might be involved! How silly, I see now that of course that wouldn't happen unless he could pay for his own. For all I know he could, but I don't actually know.

Right. I think it's not going to happen. SAVED BY MUMSNET!

Good decision!

Good decision OP.

So he just wanted an annex, family life, his meals served up, a skivvy to clean up after him...all for the nominal rate of a room in the house of an extended family relative that he has vaguely kept in contact over the past 20 years....🤭🤣.......
........
He's not an accountant OP by any chance?

Because believe me the last person who will have one drop of benefit of THAT arrangement would be you.

Respectfully, I'm suggesting that only the absolutely naivest among us would fall for this.

If you need cash, rent the room out to foreign students learning English. It’s a short term arrangement and you can stop after a short while if you don’t like it. Some are school going teenagers, others are a little older in my experience. It’s a great little side Earner for me anyway.

Unfortunately the foriegn students have stopped coming to U.K. due to Covid19

Rent the space to a complete stranger who won't want to eat with you and has a proper contract with an end date: a lodger. Or if the area suits (places of interest or businesses) try air bnb if you want some money without too many ties. You'd have to change your home insurance but you would anyway for the relative.

I've been thinking about this since you started the thread - I'm so glad you're not going to go ahead with it. He wants to offload everything - bills, meals etc - onto you. You don't really know this guy well. It would be a nightmare having him there and it would be a nightmare if you had to tell him to go. He's lived in London and would come to you not knowing anyone - before you know it your living room would be his.