I work in the emergency services and recently experiencing an incredibly distressing tragedy. It happened right in front of me and I was trying desperately to stop it from happening. As a result I am in the official process of investigation. This doesn't mean I am in trouble, on the contrary I am a Witness to said event which should help provide answers to the family about the circumstances and what happened. Unfortunately to keep this process transparent, we are not allowed to discuss it with each other (me and colleagues that were there) until we have all given an official account.
This means I have not been able to process what happened in a normal way. I cannot discuss the details with colleagues. I cannot help myself to process the trauma. It happened just under a week ago and I have been coping ok (was given time off work following incident). But I am struggling to sleep. When I close my eyes I get flashbacks. I see it happening again and I think I'm scared to sleep. I was sent home from work as I was crying a lot.
I normally have some pretty good coping mechanisms and I understand these are all normal responses. I need time and support to effectively process what happened. But in the meantime, I'm awake with a very important day tomorrow and no idea how to get to sleep tonight.