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Original poster

I can’t take much more of this

45 replies

anonanonandanon · 01/08/2020 02:31

Hi I don’t know if this is a vent but I cannot take much more of my partners abuse
He calls me fat ugly every single day, starts on me for no reason and gaslights me. He has abused me physically, financially and emotionally
And for some reason I just can’t leave. I don’t know why. I hate my life so much and my friendships and relationships with family are in tatters because of it

I can’t take much more of this, what is wrong with me

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 01/08/2020 02:34

You can't leave because he has made you feel dependant upon him. This is abuse.

You have to get a backbone and sort this out. You only have one life.

Weenurse · 01/08/2020 02:37

Write a list, work your way through it step by step

zeddybrek · 01/08/2020 02:44

LTB

You know you have to. You deserve to be happy and free. Do you have any support in RL you could use to get away from this toxic environment.

Original poster
anonanonandanon · 01/08/2020 02:47

Not really
My mum doesnt speak to me much because I’ve completely fucked my life up being with him. I have lied and covered up for him

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 01/08/2020 02:48

I think you should try to talk to her and ask for help

Original poster
anonanonandanon · 01/08/2020 02:51

Been there done it she’s not interested she’s told me several times she doesn’t care what’s going on in my life etc. She’s basically said it’s my own fault for putting up with it so I’ve just resigned myself to it

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 01/08/2020 02:59

You know it is wrong what he is doing. Are you going to be having this conversation in a year's time or five or ten?

I think you should make a plan and stick to it. Get away from him. You use the word abuse. There is no room for any sort of abuse in a relationship.
Can you leave and stay with a friend just so you can think straight?

biscuiteer · 01/08/2020 02:59

Do you have a friend or anyone in RL who can help you leave? You have us here. You can leave him and you will be able to breathe again when you do. Right now you’re suffocating.
You’ve taken the step by asking for help here. Well done.

Original poster
anonanonandanon · 01/08/2020 03:00

No I don’t have friends really, just aquaintances, I’ve isolated myself from everyone so I haven’t really had a proper friendship sincr 2017

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 01/08/2020 03:09

And he has done this to you. He has isolated you as well as everything else. Please start making steps to leave him.

cakeandchampagne · 01/08/2020 03:20

You can get help & get out of the relationship.
You can mend things with your family & friends.
Flowers

Original poster
anonanonandanon · 01/08/2020 03:24

I don’t know how to. I have phoned the domestic abuse line a million times and every time I hear the sense down my ear the inner me is screaming to listen and just go, but i never do, i don’t know where i would go as I know full well he wouldn’t let me stay in our house and I don’t know if I even have confidence to leave

OP posts:
cakeandchampagne · 01/08/2020 03:38

Have you contacted Women’s Aid?

Adelais · 01/08/2020 08:28

I know it’s hard but you need to leave. Don’t waste your life being with this abusive man.
Do you own or rent? Do you have any children?

Original poster
anonanonandanon · 01/08/2020 11:33

I’ve contacted women’s aid I listen to everything they say but I can’t bring myself to leave I don’t know why
1DC from a previous relationship and we rent. It’s my tenancy but if we break up he wouldn’t let me stay here

OP posts:
EvilHerbivore · 01/08/2020 11:35

Please contact women's aid again and ask if you can be referred to an IDVA, they can give you support if you're not ready to leave just yet

EstherLittle · 01/08/2020 11:59

How will you feel in 20 years time if your DC follows in your footsteps into an abusive relationship?

HollowTalk · 01/08/2020 12:05

What is it that keeps you there? Do you feel sorry for him when you think of him alone? Do you think you wouldn't cope without him?

When was the happiest time in your life before you met him? What were you doing and where were you living? Who were your friends then?

If you think of a future without him, what does it look like?

Think of your child - if you told them that yes, that boy in school is really horrible to them - he steals their money, hits them, tells them they are rubbish - but your child has to stay with that other child forever, no matter what, then everyone would say you were crazy, wouldn't they? You'd know you were crazy - you'd never do it.

Your mum has given up on parenting you (I bet there's a huge backstory involving her) and you lost your friends. Now it's time to be your own best friend and to do what's best for you.

What's your situation financially?

Original poster
anonanonandanon · 01/08/2020 12:47

I don’t know why I stay. I don’t know any different. I think of how things were when I first met him and maybe I’m hoping to get back to that.

He wakes up daily and starts on me for ona thing or another and in all honesty it has just worn me down.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 01/08/2020 13:01

You can do this, do you have a DD that can go with you to a refuge?

leafeater · 01/08/2020 13:07

Have you tried the Freedom programme? It's online and in person and might give the strength to plan to leave.

You are already one step closer, realising it's abuse, so don't lose hope

TwentyViginti · 01/08/2020 13:27

Ask MN to move your OP to Relationships. So much good advice there.

Timeforredwine · 01/08/2020 17:35

If it's your name on the tenancy then he is not entitled to be there so you can ask him to leave. DV needs to be stamped out. You should get some legal advice. Have you ever had to call the police, is anything noted down or logged. Contact your landlord.

Bunnymumy · 01/08/2020 17:38

If your name is on the tenancy then he can't just not let you stay. You tell him to leave and if he creates a scene or refuses, call the police. He doesnt get to dictate to you that you cant stay in your own home.

Elieza · 01/08/2020 17:51

Have you gone to your mum for sympathy in the past and she’s basically said you’ve made your bed so you can lie in it, perhaps because she’s fed up if you not leaving that arse.

But have you said mum im leaving him this week can I come and stay at yours til I get on my feet?

You might get a different response if she thinks you’ve finally listened to her and want a better life for yourself?

Please don’t give up. You can do this. This is your time.
Now.
Go for it. Good luck. You can do this.

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