I can’t take much more of this

[anonanonandanon]

Hi I don’t know if this is a vent but I cannot take much more of my partners abuse
He calls me fat ugly every single day, starts on me for no reason and gaslights me. He has abused me physically, financially and emotionally
And for some reason I just can’t leave. I don’t know why. I hate my life so much and my friendships and relationships with family are in tatters because of it

I can’t take much more of this, what is wrong with me

Maybe ops mum is cut from the same block as her partner. Often we pick nasty partners because we had nasty parents.

Sometimes, it's really difficult for the people closest to you to support you through the initial steps.

Especially mothers, she might have hoped you would leave but now despairs of you ever leaving or may be the terrible your bed you lie on it kind. The latter often have suffered the same themselves do have somehow internalised the message that women don't deserved to be treated decently.

Some outside help may be useful

https://freedomprogramme.co.uk

Thank you for all your posts.

He is doing the freedom Programme and has spoken to his GP. He heard DD call me an “fat ugly bitch” which is his favourite insult and has apparently seen the light.

I’m in touch with my local DV group who are helping me every day.

HE is doing the freedom programme?
That probably isn't a good sign. The freedom programme is for victims of abuse. Abusers...will likely just use that shit to become better abusers. Sorry op but its actually a bit chilling that he is doing it. Keep well clear of him.

Honestly op, get away from this person fast he is really bad news. You cant fix what he is. Neither can he. Sociopaths and narcissists are what they are. And what that is is a predator. It's all he will ever be. And if you dont get out fast, you and your child will be breakfast, lunch and dinner forever more.

I thought that myself if I’m honest. He will most likely use it against me in his next tantrum. He says he’s depressed.

I get a call off my support worker tomorrow. I’m going to enquire about rehousing or a refuge. I need to leave for my daughter. She doesn’t need to hear or see any more of this.

It’s my tenancy but if we break up he wouldn’t let me stay here

He doesn’t have a choice! Don’t believe his shit. You can get the police to remove him if he won’t go, then change the locks. (Just change the barrel, easy, about £7, see YouTube). Just replace the barrel with the original when (if) you ever leave. You’re not married? He has bigger all rights. Get rid, he sounds horrible.

I don’t want to stay in this house when this is over there are too many horrific memories I want a fresh start

Literally just wait for him to leave then change the locks. Drop his stuff round his parents or something. If he shows up,getting wide, call the police. Thats what they are there for.

You dont need to leave your own home! If you are renting though you will need to send the agency copies of the new keys.

Seriously op dont let him bully you anymore.

Also, it's common for his sort to claim to be depressed or even things like that they have bipolar. They think claiming mental illness will work to guilt trip you. But he isnt mentally Ill,he has a personality disorder. Also, either way, your responsibility is to protect yourself and your daughter.

Can you end the tenency so he would have to leave too?

There’s no way I’m phoning the police. What he’s told me he’ll do to me if I ever do is enough to make me just leave quietly.

I don’t actually like this house anyway, it’s in a shit area and away from my work etc so I was actually looking to move anyway

Plus if it stops him from starting on me he can have the fucking thing, bricks and mortar.

Auch well, pack up and move when he is out for the day. Will be easier if you can get out when he is away. Leave the stuff you dont need if you have to and just bounce before he notices your intentions. Oh but remember to cancel your name off any electric and other bills to the place if you are leaving him there. And be prepared not to get your deposit back on the rent.

If it's your tenancy please ensure you serve notice on it so that you aren't left liable for rent etc. Please ask WA what to do about it.

Refuge sounds the best place for you to go and be safe.

After being threatened today after I did some volunteering at my local food bank I have been allocated a room in a women’s refuge.

I haven’t asked any questions as it’s all a whirlwind but I’m so stressed. What do I need to take with me?

This is from the refuge website. Well done on getting a place and

	Identification and important papers (e.g. birth certificates, passports, benefit books, bank account details, medical cards, court orders, marriage certificate)
	Money
	Phone numbers – emergency and personal
	Spare set of house and car keys
	Medicines and toiletries
	Clothes for a few days
	A few of your children’s favourite toys
	Proof of the abuse (e.g. notes, photos, crime reference numbers, diary, taped messages, emails, texts)

@anonanonandanon

I’ve contacted women’s aid I listen to everything they say but I can’t bring myself to leave I don’t know why 1DC from a previous relationship and we rent. It’s my tenancy but if we break up he wouldn’t let me stay here

How could he stop you staying there? It's your home.

@anonanonandanon

I don’t want to stay in this house when this is over there are too many horrific memories I want a fresh start

That's fair enough but as another poster said, make sure you give notice on it.

I'm glad you've got a room in a refuge for now.

Well done. Good luck.

I’m glad you have somewhere to go OP.
This is the start of a new life for you. Things will feel weird for a while but you will be so much happier without him.