Mother dislikes that I got a job. (I am almost 40 and married.)

[StormyInTheNorth]

NC, but you'll recognise the theme of usernames and general woe.

Before lockdown I got a job caring for an adult with additional needs, for two hours a week. Setting was in his home and his parents would be there initially, but out of the room. Respite if you will.

I haven't worked for five years and now DD is at school (or was) I wanted to retrain in social work, but thought experience would help my masters application. I have informal experience of the adult's condition. Easy. Ideal.

My mother went mad when I told her, said my priority was to DD. It was beneath me.

Anyway, lockdown came, the adult was shielding, still is. They called me to say let us know when DD in school and we'll start. All through a company. Good hourly rate.

I told my mother last night and she went bananas again. In short her 'reasons"

1. You having my carpets done in sept. (Err)
2. What about DD. (At school. DH wf holidays cos it is only a few hours.)
3. You can't do that. (Why?)
4. You won't like it. (Why?)
5. I won't feel comfortable having you or DD near us due to CV. (This woman has been behaving as normal throughout lockdown, refusing to wear a mask.)
6. 'I don't like sp**tics'. She said.

I asked her whether she had equiv wage to give me since she felt so strongly and I wanted to earn a bit of pocket money. Of course she said no. I didn't even get to explain connection between experience and masters degree.

She also has a history of putting me down. When I got pregnant with DD she cried and said that I should abort because DD would have a birth defect like me. She is embarrassed of me and obviously now my little job. I ask why and she can't answer. I rather think it is my birth defect. She has turned several family members against me.

I hung up on her after her silly comment about not feeling comfortable. Should I just cut her off? Or should I try yet again to talk to her and explain?

Sorry. Long.

Sorry about the typos. Meant to say "it isn't easy".

Your mother is extremely controlling.
You need to stop her controlling your life, it’s a form of her abusing you.
I’d cut her off personally. She’s toxic.
Well done you, you sound like you’d do amazingly well at this job and it could lead to a great career.
I’m a mum of 3 who works full-time in a job I like. Nobody is neglected. We’re all thriving and happy. You should pursue your dreams

I was a big YANBU (WTF's it to do with her?! Ignore!) If it suits you and works for you all, all lovely - then got to this bit and jaw dropped 6. 'I don't like sptics'. She said
WTAF
Biggest YANBU ever, she sounds horrible, sorry

@StormyInTheNorth you sound so lovely, kind and caring, and it really pains me that you've been treated like this by your own mother. I'm glad you're going LC. I was NC with my own mother for years, and it was so wonderfully free and liberating, not having to dread the phone calls, the criticisms, the put downs. Your mother sounds like a very, very, deeply unpleasant woman, and if I were you, I would no longer be looking for her love, let alone her approval.

@Oxenofthesun - my mother too could not be happy for me when I progressed in my career. She kept urging me to get "a nice wee job" , like the one I had when I left school. And when I went to university aged 33, she was baffled and unhappy about it. Unfortunately for her, I am both strong-willed and pig-headed, so I always just made my own life decisions without seeking her advice or approval.

Her comment about sp*stics indicates that she is a pretty disgusting excuse for a human.