Anyone else radically rethinking their DCs' activities?

[drspouse]

Now that everything has been closed for ages I'm wondering what is worth reconsidering for the DCs!
DS was doing swimming (but he has SEN and gets anxious and moving to a different day sent him into a spiral of refusal), Cubs (which is the same day as the old swimming group sadly and which was going well, and in theory dancing (but again he was really anxious and kept refusing).
DD was doing ballet (but has refused to do any on Zoom) and girls' football (she has done a tiny bit with DH in the back garden).

DS has dyspraxia and he really needs something to improve his coordination but he's SO anxious around new activities. He's been doing Zoom street dance but the club is 100s of miles away and he's been dancing so the instructor can sometimes see one arm!
He would also be really good at piano (or it would be good for him, one of them!) and a language we learn together if only he'd allow himself to be instructed.
DD is due to start Beavers at least but that's on ballet night so that might die a death. She like DS likes dancing but I don't think ballet is her thing.
Just wondering if everyone is really eager to get back into a routine or if this whole disruption to routine has made you rethink?

We have also had a bad experience with a few clubs for DS (excluded from a few and in one case they moved the time and location and didn't tell us, they told us it was folding!). So I'm very wary especially as we live in a small town.

OP Have you seen a physio. They would assess your DS and tell you to work on specific skills and not just the general “oh do swimming”. Physio would also want you to do certain exercises which would specific coordination difficulties. Don’t rule it out.

my family would fit right in with yours drspouse, I would go for a one on one swimming course in the holidays to boost them, both of my DC have struggled for years in weekend swim lessons getting nowhere except ruining a Saturday!

We don't do a lot of activities, it's just miserable to drag them there, have them not engage, deal with the meltdown after so after school things in the week we always avoid.

I'd try and get the skills in a smarter way - my DC has been doing a lot of online yoga (cosmic kids) and her balance has improved, plus she follows the instructions a lot better without all the other people and the outside setting etc.

Maybe think about continuing the activities online as far as you can. OT helped us a lot with ideas for improving motor skills. As an aside, my mum forced me to do piano for 7 long and dreary years and I do think it helped but I disliked it at the time.

I could be wrong but I reckon it's easier to deal with the setting and the class context if your core skills are higher in the first place. i.e. I would be more likely to swim if I didn't expect to be awful at it.

We have a 2 club rule. With 3 dc, 6 clubs per week is plenty as they need downtime and I need meaningful time with my dc that isn’t just driving them places. I chose based on interests and with them - dd1 horse riding and guides, dd2 - jazz and violin, dd3 ballet and jazz. Dd2&3 wasn’t to do gymnastics but I’ve no idea when I can start them due to covid. They’ll both drop jazz to do this.

Thing is, my DS has a right to do activities that suit him. He loved one of his dance classes but couldn't stop himself running around. He wasn't hurting anyone. Just running around. But other parents always take priority over him.

I just don't think it's fair for the teacher to try to teach a class if he's running around. I don't necessarily think the other parents are more important - it's just a big responsibility dealing with your DS at same time as the rest of the group.

Instead of signing up regularly to a class why not try out some things that will burn off energy but you're not tied down?

• skate parks
• climbing walls
• swimming as a family for fun
• trampoline park
• bike rides

I think you have a DH problem. You have a lively 8 yo who needs wearing out physically with exercise but DH isn't prepared to help out. Do you have a friend who you could meet up with & take kids outdoors to do stuff?

With 3 dc, 6 clubs per week is plenty
So glad I've only got two!

DH doesn't deliberately get ill I'm afraid...

At the moment, everyone is really wary of even going to the park (DD BFF parents, I'm looking at YOU, it's the park, it's not a 1000 seater stadium...) but generally there is a history of all his classmates parents messaging each other to go to the park without us. So no, we have no friends. I think some of the older Cubs think he's quite sweet but they are never going to want to do anything with him outside Cubs.

And yes, we do bike rides and trampolining as a family (nobody knows how to ride a skateboard!) but again, I can't do it all myself.

Sorry didn't read properly when you said he was unwell. Apologies.
It sounds really hard for you. I don't know what other ways you can entertain him. Lockdown is hard for everyone but must be even harder for you.
They don't sound that nice tbh those other people. Hopefully he will find his tribe soon.
Someone is bound to have a great idea. I just think some extra curricular adds stress to family life & not all kids enjoy it
If you had the cash a 'manny' would be great. Someone to take him out & about.
Just ask DS what he enjoys?

We're dropping Rookies swimming as it was an extra. DD is already back to squad swimming.

If he likes to run perhaps an athletic club with both track and field sports he'd have lots to choose from.

What about Park Run?

www.parkrun.org.uk/

If you had the cash a 'manny' would be great. Someone to take him out & about.

I had thought about this. Where I am college kids do after school babysitting which often is activity based.
It could include skating, sking, basketball etc.
But it wouldn't be super cheap and it kind of depends where you live.

He might like martial arts but there's no way he would keep his moves to himself however many times he was told they are only for club.

I’m REALLY sorry to be the Martial Arts Arse who keeps insisting, but I think you might want to read up a bit - every martial arts class I’ve ever been at (kids) or observed (boyfriend back in the day) or know of casually (mates) has been run on the ethos that Not Fighting is the skill that’s being developed. It’s a big deal - you’re supposed to be so in control of your emotions that you ‘win’ by Not Fighting. When you do fight - to practice your skills - it’s in a strictly defined arena and with rules.

So actually the thing they’re drumming into kids is respect and rules, first and foremost.

I do understand your reticence. But I’d look into it if I were you. You say activities need to be individual not team (check), not ball sports (check), allow an amount of disruptive behaviour (depends on instructor but I’d say check on our martial arts school), be good for coordination/dyspraxia (check), needs his enthusiastic buy-in (check, if fighting is already a thing) and be up to you first ... so convince yourself and worry about DH later.

You may think you know your DS wouldn’t “keep his moves to himself” but I think you’ve never met the instructor who inspires loyalty and harnesses that energy. Martial arts can be a little bit woo as much as common sense - you might be surprised so don’t dismiss it as “fighty” or “an outlet for aggression” because it’s really all about harnessing emotions and power and being disciplined.

Sorry - Martial Arts Arse over and out.

My son does football 4 times a week (3 times with his team and once at a development centre)
Drama classes
Swimming.

We'll probably knock swimming on the head, going to do some crash courses over the summer to get him to a decent standard and then done. Can't drop football as his dad is the manager and the drama helps with his stutter.

Four football sessions a week makes ours all look very restrained!

Hmmm a manny... scratches chin...

DH went to get his bike from the repair shop yesterday and cycled 10 mins home and is (genuinely) in pain. Where's the facepalm smiley??

Ouch, your poor DH. I think clubs have to be the way forward really and the key will be finding something your DS clicks with. You’ve found one in Cubs, you really just need one more.

If trying a new club, ask for a trial session and explain DS has dyspraxia- you don’t have to say he’s been disruptive but you can explain he has motor issues and hasn’t clicked with a few activities. So that way you get to try before you sign up for a term. I’ve found most activity providers are happy to do trials, and are often quite enthusiastic to take on a child who may have some difficulties. (If they sound unkeen then try somewhere else).

I'm trying to convince my 5 year old to drop some activities but she's very reluctant. She currently does swimming, dancing, rainbows and gymnastics outside school and athletics, tennis and football in school (school runs clubs before/after school or at lunch time).

We now have a baby and trying to get her to drop dancing &/or gymnastics but all her friends go to these classes and she's point blank refusing.

My DD was doing gymnastics and we gave her the choice of football OR gymnastics as they are at the same time (easy to do) and she chose football (she now does football at another time). As she's 5 TBH I'd choose for her!

Dd1 who is 6 has possible (probably) ASD (no LDs). She doesn't have dyspraxia (apparently) but does have some problems with coordination and sees a physio.

So we don't do much. Dp has a hatred of clubs, having been over-coached at a particular sport as a child. The only swimming that has worked was 121 with a teacher with a very firm manner. Last week she was taken to a bike session at the velodrome and lay on the floor and refused to move- the same has happened at pretty much every thing we have tried and tbh I don't expect the teachers to know how to deal with it when they're trying to teach other kids (although some swimming teachers seem especially rubbish and don't even introduce themselves).
She's supposed to do stuff to help her integrate the two sides of her body so we do (and not all of it every week)
-cycling on the trailerbike (she can't do her own)
-junior parkrun
-a family trampolining session which is supervised but not coached unless you ask for it
-soft play in bad weather but otherwise hours in the park scrambling round stuff and climbing trees
-swimming at least 1x a week

So we don't do organised clubs really. She goes to after school club 3x a week but we work FT and I don't want to spend precious time dragging her to stuff she hates and clearly doesn't want to do (and as you say paying up front when there is a 95% chance she won't do it). Lockdown has been good for removing the 'shoulds' I think. I'd rather she was calm and not stressed.

I'd like her to ride as she's animal mad (and it was my sport growing up) but we're in London so £££ and we don't have a car which limits options. Most places won't take them til 7 anyway so will think about it.