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Is this right? (Child maintenance related)

42 replies

DrDizzy · 27/07/2020 12:04

Hello,

I hope it's okay for me to post here; this website was recommended to me by some friends of mine who are parents.

My husband has his son (age 8) around 65% of the time. It is meant to be a 50/50 split, but he often has him more due to the mother's job (which pre-COVID involved a lot of travel). The boy has a bedroom, clothes, school uniform, toys and so forth at both houses. Any costs (such as school trips) are shared 50/50.

When my husband originally split with his ex-wife, the boy was just a baby, so due to breast feeding etc. my husband couldn't have the baby 50% of the time. Because of this, he paid his ex a few hundreds pounds a month (which was 25% over what the CMS recommended).

These days, they have a 50/50 split, but as I said, we usually have the boy more than that. It is never less, and it hasn't been for years.

Despite this, my husband has until recently continued to pay his ex a few hundred a month.

About a year ago, me and my husband planned to go away for the weekend. About an hour before we were due to leave, his ex rings and tells my husband that he will need to take his son this weekend as she has too much work on. My husband explained that we had plans and asked if she would re-consider. His ex got angry and started threatening my husband with removing him from the birth certificate and reporting him to the CMS etc. Anyway, we collected my step son and took him on our weekend away.

A few months after this, my husband did receive a letter from the CMS. His ex had told the CMS that my husband only has his son every other weekend (which we can prove is not true). The letter from the CMS told my husband that he needs to pay a certain amount to his ex each month, plus 20% extra.

As I said, my husband has been paying, so it's not paying that's the problem. My husband was quite pissed off by the letter and started doing some research. He quickly learned that in a 50/50 split, he actually doesn't owe anything to his ex?

Anyway, so my husband sent off all the evidence (photos, letters from school, etc.) that the mother was lying about how often he has his son. The mother then admitted that my husband has his son 50/50. However, the CMS said that he still has to pay his ex every month (which is actually lower than what he was already giving!). My husband doesn't think he should have to pay and he is appealing the CMS's decision.

The CMS have said that the appeal can take up to a year to get to the courts. They have also said that in the meantime, he will need to keep paying maintenance to his ex-wife. We asked the CMS what will happen to that money if his appeal to the CMS is successful? Will my husband automatically get the money back?

They said no. They said that if my husband's appeal is successful, he will have to pursue his ex for the money himself (with no help from the CMS!)

Is this right? It seems very unfair.

OP posts:
Gamble66 · 27/07/2020 12:08

Cms is crap

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 27/07/2020 12:12

50/50 doesn't automatically mean no maintenance. There are other factors ie disparity in earnings. Exdp earns over double what I earn and then can increase that by up to 10k in bonuses so still has to pay a given amount.

CallmeAngelina · 27/07/2020 12:12

Blimey, yes that does seem very unfair.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

EmbarrassedUser · 27/07/2020 12:18

She sounds horrid. I feel for you with the lying about how often he stays as well. DH’s ex has lied too and has cost us an extra £75 a month. She says he doesn’t come at all (which fair enough was true during Covid) but we’re now back to normal. It’s funny how her phone is always ‘broken’ yet as soon as she sees pound signs it’s working again 🤯🤯

EmbarrassedUser · 27/07/2020 12:19

Oh and the only way for us to contest it is to get a court order which seems very unfair so we’re just going to suck it up.

titchy · 27/07/2020 12:21

You could always do a counter claim for cms froM her...

DrDizzy · 27/07/2020 12:37

@Tinyhumansurvivalist

50/50 doesn't automatically mean no maintenance. There are other factors ie disparity in earnings. Exdp earns over double what I earn and then can increase that by up to 10k in bonuses so still has to pay a given amount.
My husband does earn more than his ex (I assume), but why is that her business? They separated long ago, so she should have no right over his money.

As I said, my step son does not go without anything (at either house).

And my husband has even said that if his ex wanted to take the boy on a holiday to Disneyland or something, he would help with costs. It's the maintenance he disagrees with.

OP posts:
DrDizzy · 27/07/2020 12:37

@titchy

You could always do a counter claim for cms froM her...
Haha! I didn't think of that!
OP posts:
Tinyhumansurvivalist · 27/07/2020 12:47

She isn't but his son is and if he earns significantly more then he still has to help with costs towards his child.

DrDizzy · 27/07/2020 16:26

@Tinyhumansurvivalist

She isn't but his son is and if he earns significantly more then he still has to help with costs towards his child.
I agree 100%. My husband has always paid above and beyond for what his son needs.

As I said, last year, we had his son 65% of the time.

OP posts:
DrDizzy · 27/07/2020 18:48

Is anyone able to answer the question? Smile

OP posts:
DrDizzy · 28/07/2020 13:26

Okay, so the CMS called my husband back today to clarify things.

They said that my husband will have to pay the money until the appeal happens.

They said that if he pays the money direct to his ex, he will need to pursue her for the money if he wins the appeal. CMS won't help him do this. It will be a civil matter. My husband is 100% convinced that she won't pay it back if this was the case.

Or

They said that he can pay to the CMS (which includes a 20% admin fee). If he wins the appeal (which his lawyer says he will), then he will get the full amount back from the CMS, minus the 20%. The CMS will then chase his ex for the money.

So either way, we seem to lose.

OP posts:
netflixismysidehustle · 28/07/2020 13:36

50/50 care doesn't always mean that you don't need to pay maintenance

Have you used the CMS calculator to see what maintenance she owes you based on you having the boy 65%?

CallmeAngelina · 28/07/2020 17:46

How would he feel about stopping payment for now, but putting the money aside into an account until the appeal is heard. If she wins, he could then pay it; if not, then it's his to keep - or spend on his son anyway.

LunchBoxPolice · 28/07/2020 17:55

“The boy” Hmm

3weecherubs · 28/07/2020 18:03

To keep the peace it may be best to let the ex keep the maintenance until the appeal and not ask to be paid back. In the end it's for his son's wellbeing. Once you (hopefully) win the appeal things may be more equal.

DrDizzy · 28/07/2020 18:30

@CallmeAngelina

How would he feel about stopping payment for now, but putting the money aside into an account until the appeal is heard. If she wins, he could then pay it; if not, then it's his to keep - or spend on his son anyway.
Unfortunately, the CMS have told my husband that he will have to pay the money until the appeal. if he doesn't, they will start chasing his employer etc.
OP posts:
DrDizzy · 28/07/2020 18:31

@netflixismysidehustle

50/50 care doesn't always mean that you don't need to pay maintenance

Have you used the CMS calculator to see what maintenance she owes you based on you having the boy 65%?

I really don't understand why my husband has to pay more for a child he has 65% of the time?

I'm not having a go at you, but the situation really. I think that a 50/50 split should mean no maintenance.

OP posts:
DrDizzy · 28/07/2020 18:32

@LunchBoxPolice

“The boy” Hmm
Is there something offensive about that word? I'm obviously not going to use his real name on a public forum.
OP posts:
Atadaddicted · 28/07/2020 18:38

It doesn’t seem fair
But then the way you describe it - your husband is some kind of mother Theresa!

How did he prove 50/50 with photos by the way?

Sarahplane · 28/07/2020 18:38

Surely if he has his son at least 50% of the time, usually more he should be classed as the resident parent and claim maintenance from the mum?

DrDizzy · 28/07/2020 18:42

@Atadaddicted

It doesn’t seem fair But then the way you describe it - your husband is some kind of mother Theresa!

How did he prove 50/50 with photos by the way?

Okay, I do appreciate that I'm probably being biased.

In regards to proving the 50/50, he took photos of the child's bedroom, play room, and a couple of school day photographs of him and the boy (as his ex-wife claimed that my husband never had his son on a school night which wasn't true). He also obtained letters from the school (one from the class teacher and one from the headmistress) to prove that he was regularly doing drop-offs/ pick ups.

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 28/07/2020 18:42

It doesn't sound right and I don't understand why they would say that if he has proved he has him more than half the time. I would look into putting in a counter claim.

Monst3ra · 28/07/2020 18:48

Surely if he is having his son 65% of the time he is the primary carer as he has him more often? Therefore ex should be paying him maintenance?

Im not sure to be honest but it seems very unfair.

CayrolBaaaskin · 28/07/2020 18:56

Tbh I wouldn’t worry about the CMS doing anything effective to chase him for maintenance. They’re pretty useless

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