Is this right? (Child maintenance related)

[DrDizzy]

Hello,

I hope it's okay for me to post here; this website was recommended to me by some friends of mine who are parents.

My husband has his son (age 8) around 65% of the time. It is meant to be a 50/50 split, but he often has him more due to the mother's job (which pre-COVID involved a lot of travel). The boy has a bedroom, clothes, school uniform, toys and so forth at both houses. Any costs (such as school trips) are shared 50/50.

When my husband originally split with his ex-wife, the boy was just a baby, so due to breast feeding etc. my husband couldn't have the baby 50% of the time. Because of this, he paid his ex a few hundreds pounds a month (which was 25% over what the CMS recommended).

These days, they have a 50/50 split, but as I said, we usually have the boy more than that. It is never less, and it hasn't been for years.

Despite this, my husband has until recently continued to pay his ex a few hundred a month.

About a year ago, me and my husband planned to go away for the weekend. About an hour before we were due to leave, his ex rings and tells my husband that he will need to take his son this weekend as she has too much work on. My husband explained that we had plans and asked if she would re-consider. His ex got angry and started threatening my husband with removing him from the birth certificate and reporting him to the CMS etc. Anyway, we collected my step son and took him on our weekend away.

A few months after this, my husband did receive a letter from the CMS. His ex had told the CMS that my husband only has his son every other weekend (which we can prove is not true). The letter from the CMS told my husband that he needs to pay a certain amount to his ex each month, plus 20% extra.

As I said, my husband has been paying, so it's not paying that's the problem. My husband was quite pissed off by the letter and started doing some research. He quickly learned that in a 50/50 split, he actually doesn't owe anything to his ex?

Anyway, so my husband sent off all the evidence (photos, letters from school, etc.) that the mother was lying about how often he has his son. The mother then admitted that my husband has his son 50/50. However, the CMS said that he still has to pay his ex every month (which is actually lower than what he was already giving!). My husband doesn't think he should have to pay and he is appealing the CMS's decision.

The CMS have said that the appeal can take up to a year to get to the courts. They have also said that in the meantime, he will need to keep paying maintenance to his ex-wife. We asked the CMS what will happen to that money if his appeal to the CMS is successful? Will my husband automatically get the money back?

They said no. They said that if my husband's appeal is successful, he will have to pursue his ex for the money himself (with no help from the CMS!)

Is this right? It seems very unfair.

In regards to proving the 50/50, he took photos of the child's bedroom, play room, and a couple of school day photographs of him and the boy (as his ex-wife claimed that my husband never had his son on a school night which wasn't true). He also obtained letters from the school (one from the class teacher and one from the headmistress) to prove that he was regularly doing drop-offs/ pick ups.

Would have been taken with a pinch of salt.
My ex has our two once a fortnight
They have their own rooms at his
He attends sports days
He does two school morning drops a week (just collects and drops)

Sure as heck doesn’t “prove” 50/50

Sorry, I mis-read. I thought the amount he was currently paying was a voluntary payment, not through the CMA.

Op I mean if he has the boy 65% of the time then he is owed maintenance. Have you put the numbers into the CMS calculator to see what she should be paying him?

There is sometimes maintenance payable on 50/50 care when there's a big difference in parental income.

Hi Op you are in pretty much the same situation as me and my oh. We have his son minimum 3 or 4 days a week (but usually 4) he has his own bedroom at our house and his own clothes etc here. My oh pays for his hair cuts, school uniform, trips and pocket money. It is us who takes him to the dentist and doctors when he needs to go and is always the one who picks him up and drops him off too.
I don't think we should be paying maintenance to his ex as we have him more than her!! I totally get how you feel when others are saying it goes on how much he earns....why??it honestly angers me so much but oh doesn't want to rock the boat so we continue to pay her. I really hope you get the outcome you deserve . Sorry I don't have any advice just wanted to let you know you're not the only one who thinks it's unfair

Just so you know it’s not possible for his ex to remove him from the birth certificate unless he’s not actually the biological father

The boy seems so cold like you don't like him I'm not the only one to pick up on that. DSS would shve been better. Its comes across as dismissive.

@AllsortsofAwkward

The boy seems so cold like you don't like him I'm not the only one to pick up on that. DSS would shve been better. Its comes across as dismissive.

This was the first thing that stood out to me. How are you referring to your step son as the boy?

@AllsortsofAwkward

The boy seems so cold like you don't like him I'm not the only one to pick up on that. DSS would shve been better. Its comes across as dismissive.

What does "DSS" mean?

I'm not sure why so many people are commenting on the vocabulary I used? It isn't really relevant to my question.

I am not willing to use the child's real name on a public forum for obvious reasons.

I didn't want to keep saying "step son" over and over as it sounds clunky. You need to use synonyms when writing large chunks of text. Pronouns are difficult as both my step son and his father would need "he/him" pronouns.

There is nothing offensive about "boy".

The other posters are just criticising your use of vocabulary because you are a step parent, OP. And some posters will find any possible way of criticising step parents no matter how reasonable they are being.

Lots of misinformation here. In a genuine 50/50 shared care split, no maintenance is payable by either party. Disparity in earnings has nothing to do with that. If you are having your step-child 65% of the time, ex should be paying CMS to you. Good luck sorting this out.

To be honest if you have the child with you 65% of the time I’d be starting a CMS case against the mother, I’m pretty sure that will get her to drop her case.

She is probably getting the child benefit for him too I would imagine as resident parent. I think your husband needs to review his stance on their custody arrangements.

There is some misinformation here. The payment isn't to do with a disparity in income. If you look on the CMS calculator, you can see that they make a reduction for every night the child is with the NRP. This does NOT get reduced to £0 on 50/50 split. It gets halved. It's literally their policy.even if you have a court order CMS still view the parents as the NRP and RP. You have to either a) claim the child benefit and provide the evidence to the DWp. Once you have that, you can put in a claim for CMS. Or b) take the CMS to tribunal. It has been done before,and won.

@lemonsqueezy0 Here is a web page from the Citizen's Advice Service explaining that, if parents share care equally, neither has to pay maintenance to the other:

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/children-and-young-people/child-maintenance/child-maintenance-2012-scheme/child-maintenance-calculation/the-2012-child-maintenance-scheme-calculating-payments-shared-care/

@DrDizzy DSS means darling/dear step-son. It’s just shorthand.

It's not right information on that website then. The RP has to approve that it is 50/50 care or the case stays open, even if you have ALL the evidence to prove pastoral and financial care is split 50/50.I don't agree with it, but I'm 100% right that it's the CMS policy to keep the case open. Please look on the CMS calculator or break down of what payment is due. It does not state 50/50= no payment due. Its in black and white, but I'm not sure how to attach photos. It's an anomaly, but it exists. I'm dealing with it atm for someone close to me. People have taken it to tribunal before, and that's the only way to get it sorted.

Just to be clear, the mother currently gets the child benefit. This was because when they applied for it, the boy was a baby, so he was staying with his mother most nights.

Since the age of 2, the child has been with my husband 50/50, but usually more due to the mother's job.

My husband has said that he doesn't want the child benefit. He is happy for his ex-wife to keep it, but he does want to stop their maintenance agreement.