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Original poster

If you receive child maintenance,when it comes to big purchases...

34 replies

TGISunday · 26/07/2020 10:33

Does your dc's father pay towards it?

Relatively new to the cm world. He pays £400 a month for our 3 dc. Has them overnight one night a month.

Time for new uniforms/blazers/school shoes/coats for all 3. Eldest could really do with some new bedroom furniture too and they all need some new clothes, t shirts and joggers/jeans/shorts are all too small really (all 3 have grown a lot over the past few months)

So when it comes to these more expensive purchases should I ask ex to help out or does it come out of the money I already receive from him?

I honestly can't decide if it would be cheeky or not

OP posts:
buenavistabelle · 26/07/2020 10:35

Comes out of the money you get monthly. Would you ask your employer for more money if you had a big bill to pay?

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 26/07/2020 10:38

furniture and day to day expenses come out of maintenance. School uniform i would see as additional and you should both pay 50/50

NoSquirrels · 26/07/2020 10:41

People have different arrangements- sometimes people split school uniform costs if lots new is needed at once e.g. starting secondary etc.

General clothes and furniture I think you’re probably on your own for as part of housing them. Is the £400 what’s been worked out according to CSA calculations or just agreed between you?

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Original poster
TGISunday · 26/07/2020 10:46

Hadn't thought of it like that belle

It's what was agreed as tbh I don't really know how much he earns. His salary is 27k a year ish but his commission / bonuses can increase his salary up to £50k+. Last year he earned 37k. So there's a huge difference really in what he gets

OP posts:
newphoneswhodis · 26/07/2020 10:47

Ask. He can say yes or no. You coparent with this person. Just ask.

megletthesecond · 26/07/2020 10:49

No. But we have zero contact anyway 🤷‍♀️.

allfalldown47 · 26/07/2020 10:50

@buenavistabelle what?!
Presumably op wouldn't but then I'm guessing her boss isn't the father of her dc?

Utterly ridiculous thing to say, I really do question if some folk on here, have even a basic intelligence/level of common sense.

FigDate · 26/07/2020 10:51

No he doesn’t pay towards it. He’s incredibly selfish.

Hellohah · 26/07/2020 10:53

I get less than the CMS minimum and nothing else. I buy everything For his 15th birthday, DS's dad bought him a baseball cap (which he hasn't worn once and will never wear) 🙈

NoSquirrels · 26/07/2020 10:58

If he’s on commission & bonuses I would be pressing for extra for bigger items, yes. Ditto stuff like school trips etc. £400 isn’t much split between 3 children if he only has them once a month - gov calculator says £426pcm on £27K based on your details.

Original poster
TGISunday · 26/07/2020 11:10

When I agreed to the £400 squirrels it was just after we separated and I had so much to sort I was just grateful he'd pay any tbf. He suggested £400, I think he's prob gone off his salary figure, not including any bonuses etc. Although in the ten years he's been working with this company he's only had one month of no commission (I'm unsure of the last 6 months as he's not been here)

Maybe I should just go through the proper channels then it'd be all formal and correct

OP posts:
beautifulxdisasters · 26/07/2020 11:11

DP pays half cost of school uniform (he offered, I'm not sure if ex would have "expected" him to pay).

Furniture and clothes - we buy for DSD for here, ex buys for her house. DSD comes straight from school on our weekends so needs clothes here for the Saturday and Sunday, and has her own bedroom with associated furniture just like she does at her DM's. But if he's only having the DCs one night a month(!) then I'm assuming he won't keep sets of clothes for them at his house? So probably much more of an argument for you to ask for an extra contribution. You can only ask!

Original poster
TGISunday · 26/07/2020 11:16

Yes, he's loving his new found freedom beautiful so it's one night a month. They take everything they need for when they're there so he doesn't have anything there for them

OP posts:
LBOCS2 · 26/07/2020 11:19

Yeah, we go halves on any big things for DSS like uniform, etc (actually we tend to buy the bulk of it - we've been sent instructions that he needs a new blazer, shoes and football boots so will sort those out before term starts).

We wouldn't go halves on bedroom furniture - he has a bedroom at our house and we pay to outfit that instead. But having said that, if he needs something and we're asked to contribute or sort it out I can't think of an occasion we've ever said no.

WhatCFeryIsThis · 26/07/2020 11:21

@buenavistabelle

Comes out of the money you get monthly. Would you ask your employer for more money if you had a big bill to pay?

😂😂

Yes. If I had an extra work expense to pay, I would ask my boss for the extra money!

Or are you suggesting that if you get £15 a month expenses and you're expected to travel to the USA for work one month, the £15 should cover it?

That is hands down the most ridiculous comment I've read today. Thank you buena.

user1493413286 · 26/07/2020 11:22

DH pays a bit extra towards uniform as he recognises that’s expensive and we buy our fair share of clothes for her when she’s with us. He wouldn’t pay towards her bedroom furniture though any more than his ex would pay towards DSDs bedroom furniture at our house.

AllsortsofAwkward · 26/07/2020 11:22

You need to supply youre dc furniture and general clothing like he would at his house you take it our of the maintenance. Uniforms (secondary school) i would say split which we do and any activities and trips.

JulyIsntSummerNow · 26/07/2020 11:22

Ex just buys everything she needs for his house, so she has 2 bikes, 2 scooters etc as she has stuff at his house too.

He never buys school uniform for her, and then moans about the stuff I buy...

Pinkandpurplehairedlady · 26/07/2020 11:23

We split uniform 50:50, everything else comes out of child maintenance.

WhatCFeryIsThis · 26/07/2020 11:25

@JulyIsntSummerNow does he ever have to take her to school? I'm guessing not, but if he did I know what items I wouldn't be sending with her for her days with him. What a loser.

beautifulxdisasters · 26/07/2020 11:26

But @AllsortsofAwkward he isn't supplying things for his house - they only stay once a month!

Summer41 · 26/07/2020 11:31

Have you used the CMS calculator to see how much he should be paying you?

If it's more than what he's giving you now you could apply for it through the proper channels or just ask him for the increase.

You should be budgeting for the uniform and furniture out of the money you get, you know when the new school year is coming....

Heatherjayne1972 · 26/07/2020 11:38

Uniform and other things the kids need should come from the Money the non resident parent gives

I told my ex about the fact that £50 a week for two Kids isn’t anywhere fair or enough for essentials like uniform ( one jumper is £20 for my boys secondary school for eg)
And he said it’s ‘not his problem’

He does cash in hand work so ‘officially’ that’s all he has to give
I wish the system were different so they would be forced to pay their fair share

titchy · 26/07/2020 11:40

Maybe I should just go through the proper channels then it'd be all formal and correct

Well given that he's ripping you off yes you should.

Laaalaaaa · 26/07/2020 11:42

What if he needed additional furniture at his house for the children - would you contribute?

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