If you receive child maintenance,when it comes to big purchases...

[TGISunday]

Does your dc's father pay towards it?

Relatively new to the cm world. He pays £400 a month for our 3 dc. Has them overnight one night a month.

Time for new uniforms/blazers/school shoes/coats for all 3. Eldest could really do with some new bedroom furniture too and they all need some new clothes, t shirts and joggers/jeans/shorts are all too small really (all 3 have grown a lot over the past few months)

So when it comes to these more expensive purchases should I ask ex to help out or does it come out of the money I already receive from him?

I honestly can't decide if it would be cheeky or not

If this is new, then how did you decide the cms amount and is it enough? If you know last year's end of year final salary for him, run it through cms, point out it isn't enough and take it from there
We co parent very amicably so I just say when I need bigger purchases and we go halves. I did buy a laptop for one of them as we couldn't agree if it was essential and I couldn't be arsed arguing (pandemic purchase for child doing alevels). Most of the time we agree

I think you need to have a conversation with your ex about how this is going to work in the future or you're always going to be unsure.

I think day to day clothes and stuff for your house has to be covered by you.

School uniform, trips and other big expenditure really should be shared.

Do you get on well enough to talk about this and also discuss that the amount he's paying is too low even for his basic income.

I get £500pm for one child. My ex pays extra towards uniform and gives me extra at Christmas time and for birthdays. I pay for all extra curricular activities, everyday clothes/shoes and everything else school related (school dinners, trips).

Furniture that's likely to be needed twice ie one at each house no I wouldn't ask for.

Uniform that they need one set to be used at both houses, seems fair to ask.

Also I think you're probably due for an increase since inflation must have happened in the last ten years! Can't expect it to stay the same for ever! Potentially kids cost more to feed, clothe, etc as they get bigger as well.

We happily pay for clothes/shoes/school stuff for sd. Wouldn't be happy to be asked to pay for bedroom furniture for her at her mums unless it was a real emergency, like housefire or something.

@Laaalaaaa

What if he needed additional furniture at his house for the children - would you contribute?

How? By giving him some of his contribution back? His contribution needs to take into account how often the children are with him. Which means he will have calculated how much he'll need for his one night per month with the DC, including furniture, and even teabags, before withholding that amount from OP.

I'm loving the backwards replies on this thread though. I think I'll stay.

Thanks for your replies

He's only had the dc stay over one night since he left 6 months ago. He moved into a 1 bed place so I'm hoping he's going to be having them once a month but I really don't know. I feel he moved into the one bed place to make it difficult for the dc to stay

I fully accept it ultimately boils down to me buying what ever the dc it was just to ask what was the norm really

We get on relatively ok. I have asked him to have the dc as I've found the last 6 weeks incredibly difficult on my mental health. It's pretty much fell on deaf ears tbh. Our youngest has additional needs and it's been v v difficult recently

Fully expecting him to say no to any money towards uniform but I will ask. The furniture I accept that's down to me, again, I just wanted to have an idea of what people do

Was my suggestion for him to leave so I've made my bed as it were, have to lay in it now

Based on your update, just tell him the money isn't enough, that if you base it on last year's income it should be ..... and you need more. Then also tell him that's the bare minimum contribution the state permits and if he wants his kids to have more than a bare minimum existence you would very much appreciate if he also paid towards big purchases. Which he will probably refuse but at least you asked - why not? And then you can at least get more child maintenance based on the cms calculator

Should have been more clear in my previous post as it seems I have offended some of you. Official child maintenance should cover everything - uniform, trips, furniture etc. Unfortunately it's down to budgeting for the bigger bills, just as a "together" family would do. What I meant by the boss comment was that if you were a cohabiting couple with children and you needed to pay for lots of school uniform, you wouldn't be able to ask your boss for extra if you felt you were unable to afford it, you would need to make sure you had budgeted accordingly. If you really feel that you can't afford it AND you think your ex partner can, then you should ask for more money per month, rather than a one off. I work with a lot of separated families and the number one reason for difficulties and disagreements is over money. Usually that the resident parent needs more and non res parent can't afford to give more. Ironing out a figure as soon as possible after separating is so important if you want to try to keep hostility down as it almost always infiltrates the children's lives. Of course a small minority manage to get on fine by splitting big items but you don't see it often. It's a discussion you really need to try to have openly as soon as possible and with a mediator if you think that would help. Good luck and hope you get it sorted.