What Are Your Main Arguments About Money?

[BrandyandBabycham]

I hate trying to talk about finances! My parents have helped us out a lot over the years which is great as far as it goes but DH finds it difficult to deal with. I can see where he’s coming from. However, we don’t seem to able to have proper discussions & he gets unreasonable so I sometimes get shouty. What do you find the most common disagreements about money are in your relationship?

We don't. I put this down to the fact that we got together very young, he didn't have much and I had even less. So we had time to discuss our money when it was entirely hypothetical.
We always discuss big purchases because, well, we talk about everything.
I'm quite tight with money and he is naturally more generous / relaxed. We have levelled each other out over the years!
He is a generous person anyway, in spirit and with helping people out with lifts and heavy lifting, and his attitude to money follows from that. I stress and 'overthink' about a lot of stuff. He doesn't think about retirement although he pays into works pension.

We are both quite careful about money, although we aren't mean and do like to splash out a bit every so often.

I have impressed upon my dc the importance of ALWAYS earning your own money from as young an age as possible - babysitting, cleaning, running errands etc - you earn your own cash, you gain self respect. I have also impressed upon them the importance of always having their own bank accounts with their own money even if they get married etc (they are girls). Always have your own funds!

It's rare that we do. However, DH is a low spender but he doesn't get how to maximise the potential of money. That's fine- I'm good at that stuff. What we end up arguing over is that he tries to come up with plans to help out but they are always completely untenable, whilst he simultaneously procrastinates on financial things I need him to do that end up costing us.

I took over the family finances a few years back when I realised DH was burying his head in the sand over it all. It was more luck than judgement we weren't in major debt. I sorted it all out and very occasionally have to give him reminders we can't spend like he wants. PIL have been very generous and unknown to them and me previously it's kept us afloat a few times.

FIL mentioned something the other day about a friend saying he'd have to clear it by 'the wife' if he was allowed to spend, and fil said mil wouldn't have a clue and was bemused totally true but fil is on the ball finance wise. DH looked down with shame that he'd be similar. I asked if he had any clue what was in our bank account right now and what was due out? He admitted no. FIL said fair enough he had to ask me. DH wasn't happy

We used to row that he is more than capable of looking after budgets at work but seemingly can't with his own money, sadly down to his parents generosity. I never had that despite our parents financial positions being similar, i had to learn the hard way and I refuse to be in debt because he can't see his issues.

We dont argue anymore as weve got used to each others ways after a long time together!
But the crux of it was that DH is very very frugal and I am a spender. I had less financial knowledge than him. His frugalness sucked the joy out of life a bit and made me anxious. My overspending gave him the same feelings. We have a lot more money these days and have very much met in the middle.

We've argued a fair amount about money. We've both wasted so much over the years. Despite warning well, we've got into debt on a number of occasions because of numerous expensive holidays etc. We've recently turned things around and it's a nice feeling not owing money to anyone!

• earning well

We don’t. Ex was financially abusive and it took me a long time to trust my now dh.

I can understand your dh. I don’t like being in debt to anyone, it makes me nervous. Especially if you won’t ever be able to repay it.

ohtheroses - it really started when we bought a house that was way too big for us ( although we were planning to have a family). My folks gave us a substantial sum out of my inheritance towards the cost. We ended up only being a family of 3 so should have bought a smaller property. Hindsight is a wonderful thing! Then during the years we lived in that house we really struggled financially as I wasn’t working for some of the time so DM & DF helped us out. Things are much better now as we have downsized, paid off our mortgage & I am working. The argument the other day was that we’d had another £30K of my inheritance & it’s all gone with not much to show for it. We had planned to completely overhaul the bathroom & other bits & pieces in the house. It was scary how that money went actually.

We don't tend to argue about money. We earn it, I spend it. 😁
As long as the bills are paid and there's food on the table he doesn't care.

The cost and frequency of holidays. I always want to go on expensive, long haul ones and he’s not really interested until we get there.
He’s a big saver and I prefer spending.
We both compromise so we have 1 big holiday a year and a U.K. break rather than multiple ones like i initially wanted.

We don't argue about money. We are usually on the same page and if not we discuss and agree a compromise.

We don't argue about money we have a joint account. Only thing we argue about is one of our AC really.

Op we didn't have much so going out anywhere, even woods would always have some tension because I would want a hot chocolate, buy the dc something, dh was always concerned about going into the od.

So... After a few years it occurred to me that if we knew how much we could afford to spend on days out, it would eliminate this stress.

And so our 'envelope' system was born.
We now know what we can spend every wekeend with all over costs taken out.
How much we have for petrol , bills etc.

I don't think we went into the od at all after that. No stress because we had allocated weekend money.