What Are Your Main Arguments About Money?

[BrandyandBabycham]

I hate trying to talk about finances! My parents have helped us out a lot over the years which is great as far as it goes but DH finds it difficult to deal with. I can see where he’s coming from. However, we don’t seem to able to have proper discussions & he gets unreasonable so I sometimes get shouty. What do you find the most common disagreements about money are in your relationship?

@OneRingToRuleThemAll

We don't argue about money. But we have equal 'pocket money' both have the same spending habits, a small buffer of savings and no debt. Having no money stress helps.

Yup this, we are totally on the same page regarding money and quite risk averse having previously both been in debt.

He is very frugal and thifty whereas I'm more of an impulse buyer. I live within my means but it still irritates OH. I've recently made a spreadsheet budget which seems to have please my partner a lot though!

@blurghye then he isn’t on the same page as you. Both Dh and I have expensive tastes, but apart from infrequent splurges on mulberry handbags (me) and shoes (him) we are savers and have similar long term aims. I budget extensively, so we have the same spends, so we can use our personal “pocket money” for whatever we want.
This has been the case for almost 30 years, from when we had very little money to now, when we are comfortable and saving for retirement.
We have some lighthearted teasing about what we spend

We have joint account, and as I'm a sahm at the moment, his is the only income. Though all our savings are "mine" (as in i brought them to the marriage, so now ours).

We are both careful with money, but our main area of disagreement is over "recklessness". Oh, and what constitutes good value...

I find he "wastes" money by not making his mind up soon enough. Like missing out on early rail fares because he's either forgotten to book, or still thinking about what time he wants to leave etc... i consider it wasteful because by being more organised he could save money. Or things like buying something, but being charged the wrong amount (like buying a £5 book on offer, but it not going through at the till and he pays £8), then when he realises it, he can't be bothered to go back and point out the error, so he ends up paying more.

But he thinks I'm wasteful because is rather pay more for something better quality, when he thinks the cheaper version will be fine. And sometimes he's right, the cheaper version is fine. And sometimes we end up paying more to buy 3x the cheap one as it keeps breaking, rather than just paying once for the better one.

We don't argue about it, as such, but i do get a bit frustrated and eye-rolly, when he's once again missed a deal by being essentially lazy...

We’ve never argued about money and we’ve never had any help from parents at all. We’re very comfortable now but we’ve always shared the same attitude about money and spending which made things easy. We spend most our money on our kids and pets as they are what makes us both happy. We have a nice house and cars but we’re not ‘flash’ and neither of us spend much on going out. We know people who spend in my opinion ridiculous amounts on a watch, that would be something I couldn’t live with. Some of my friends husbands/partners would drive me insane with their spending in the pub when they won’t spend much on their kids or making their home nice. My friends argue with their husbands and partners about that.

Never argue about money. We didn't have any at the beginning so nothing to discuss beyond is the right amounts in the proper accounts. As we've got more financially we just split the excess between savings and independent fun money.

@GinnieHempstock he just doesn't see the value on what I spend my money on & likewise I'm not interested in having the latest phone, ear pod things etc. Separate accounts work for us so never any need to change.

We are lucky, we've never argued about money yet. But we've always had more than enough so that makes a huge difference. Plus similar life experiences and goals.

We don't. We have similar attitudes to money. We also have more than enough so it has never been an issue. Champagne money, chardonnay tastes.

Separate bank accounts. I had a pre-nup. When I was a sahm I gave him a monthly itemized bill. He has never questioned a penny. Then again when I was pg with dd I had holes in the soles of my shoes because I was too tight to buy new ones when my feet were swollen. But when she was three weeks old I bought three pairs . She's 22 now.

He's done a few eyebrow raising things without consultation: bought a house in France - developed and makes money (not this year), bought a doer upper for me to renovate, bought a truly wanky car in his early 50s - all without consultation. He once dared to complain when I had plantation shutters fitted to the front of the house - two large bays and two side windows

@OhTheRoses was the prenup to protect your money?

Are you saying your parents helped you both financially and your DH instead of being grateful is resentful? And you are ok with that?

He's done a few eyebrow raising things without consultation: bought a house in France - developed and makes money (not this year), bought a doer upper for me to renovate, bought a truly wanky car in his early 50s - all without consultation. He once dared to complain when I had plantation shutters fitted to the front of the house - two large bays and two side windows

This is what I mean about having different opinions to DH, he has bought 2 cars in our time together without consulting me but has just asked me whether I needed so many new pots/planters!

We don't argue about money. We have the same attitude to money and thankfully earn enough to cover the bills.

What to spend our hypothetical lottery winnings on.

@blurghye Yes, when I married him he was a struggling barrister just out of pupillage. I was 30 and on 6 figures in the City with a house worth £160k and a small mortgage that I'd paid down. Fast forward 10 years and I was a SAHM and he had built a niche commercial practice. But it always made us even Stevens and I contributed because I could work a room and had taught him table manners. Working class lad with a brain like a planet.

Back to the OP - my dad gave me £6k when I was 21to buy a home and give me some security after a bitter divorce. Parents gave us nothing after that.

But did you tell him to piss off when he complained about about the flower pots and did he laugh and look sheepish? Mine did.

@Blurghye when I bought the shutters he'd only bought a house in France and at that time was earning more than 10 x my earnings. I wasn't earning six figures by then btw.

doodleygirl it’s complicated. It’s not so much the fact that they helped us as that because they helped us, they still ( in DH’s eyes) have a hold over us & interfere in what we spend. He feels that they’re treating us a little like children. And I must admit DM can make little comments & digs. If I say we’re going out for a meal ( which is very rare), she might say “ Ooh moneybags”.

good for you @OhTheRoses re prenup.

Yes of course I did!

He does earn more than me but not millions & I had more for our home.

tbf @BrandyandBabycham my mil is quite annoying with money. She has offered to pay for dc's education but we said no as she will interfere & make judgements so I can kind of see where you dh is coming from.

@brandyandBabycham, so pay it back then.

Whether we can afford to go on holiday or not.

We only argue about money because DH constantly moans about how much money I save. I save 30% of my net pay every month (£2k), but he complains I could save more.

I earn double what he does, so I pay 2/3 of the calculated monthly household costs, while he pays 1/3 of into the joint account. The thing is, he had absolutely NO idea what things cost, from food shopping to children's shoes, as he willingly wanted me to manage the finances since the day we moved in together 6 years ago.

The thing is I very rarely ask him for extra money for things like school uniform, presents for friends weddings, family events or birthdays, but these items add up on a monthly basis. Instead of saving the money, I apportion money to this type of expenditure each month, which he doesn't understand. Neither does he want to take over running the household money and joint account, which I've offered him many times. Sigh.

ohtheroses DH has set up a standing order but we could never pay the full amount back

Then you will always be beholden. I can see your DH's point. Why couldn't or can't you live independently of your parents.