How do you know if your child is school ready?

[pastaparadise]

Ds2 is due to start school in Sept aged 4 and 4 weeks. We had permission to defer him starting for a year, agonised over the decision before turning it down, then flipped back to accepting a place, and now wobbling again and wanting to defer (i know the headteacher must hate me).

He just seems too little for school. His speech is good, he's physically strong and confident, and he's sociable. But he hates sitting still, cant hold a pencil properly yet let alone form letters, is impulsive, cant wipe his bottom (and wont be helped due to cv). And he's never been in a pre school setting (he's with a childminder who has more flexible hours). I worry that he looks ready to others as he bounds about and speaks well, but actually will really struggle with phonics, handwriting etc and would benefit from another year of play.

Should i ask to defer again?? Tying myself in knots. We deferred ds1 who was clearly not ready (very shy, speech delay) and it did him the world of good, but this seems a trickier decision. I also think this year may not be easy due to cv, and wonder if it's fsir to give one an advantage but not the other...

I sent my 31st Aug 4yr old to school as he turned 4 and had all the same worries. He was lucky that he is in a class of 11 reception and 8 yr1s so a small class. He has thrived this yr and grown up so much. I think the older kids have given him something to aim for and he has really come on leaps and bounds

He sounds great and like he’ll have a lovely time in reception. All that play based learning (very similar to his childminder) and gently introducing phonics in a fun way with his friends and a creative ways to help him become ready for writing. Aside from lunch and a story he won’t be made to sit for very long at all.

If in doubt, defer a year. Better to be that bit older in a class than to be too young.

What Georgie said. Reception is fun! They aren’t expected to be able to form letters when they start. And you have a month to practice bottom wiping!

Our school said that they don’t need to know any phonics, handwriting or maths before school as that’s their job. Bum wiping would be the focus.

Reception there’s not too much sitting quietly either so I wouldn’t worry there.

He may find the social side overwhelming but that could just as easily be the same in a years time if he’s still just been with a child minder.

Dd turned 5 in winter so was a little early for her year but sounds similar to your DS with skills. She could write her name but had to relearn at school as they start them with cursive letters from reception at her school. No issues and she’s fine. Also still has the odd had with a bum wipe at home!

I disagree that it's always better to be older. Dd has just finished reception and is an October baby. She attended nursery until the end of August, so left when she was 4years 9ish months. By the end of nursery she was so turned off from 'education' because it didn't stretch or engage her in any way. Thank God for a great reception team who ignited a huge love of if learning in her. Reception staff are so used to a range of children but ut depends on the nursery setting if they will use this year to benefit your child or just let him coast

I can imagine regretting sending my child to school and them being the youngest in the class but I cannot imagine regretting them being the oldest.
If in doubt then defer, especially as you already seem to have the school on side.

I'm not a reception teacher so couldn't say for sure, but I'd have thought he'd be expected to be able to wipe his bottom when starting school? Is he anywhere near getting the hang of it?
Other than that, it should be fine.

My DS still has a shite pencil grip at the end of reception and he is apparently ‘exceeding’ in all areas.

Sounds like you are focussing on the trad skills ‘sit still’ ‘handwriting’- reception is very much play based learning and it isn’t like you fear.

I would work on the bum wiping over the next month but otherwise send him. And sell it to him as a fun experience. If you think he’ll be confident going in that is honestly 99% of what ‘school ready’ means.

My DDs birthday is 30th August so she had been 4 for 2 weeks when she started reception. We ummed and aahd about deferring her but decided against it. She couldn't do much more than a scribble and now, at the end of reception, she is writing sentences. She also struggled to wipe her bum but just had to learn to do it fast. She used to struggle socially and had no desire to be independent before she started school but these things have improved massively over the school year. Other than her size, you wouldn't notice she's the youngest in her year, she's doing well academically as well. We are really glad we sent her last year rather than deferring, looking at it now we definitely feel that we would have really held her back if we had.

If in doubt defer.

Check the policy from your local council because in some areas of you defer them they don’t start reception a year later they send them straight into year 1. Which I think would be worse than doing reception.

They all mostly start not reading, writing and knowing limited maths. By the end of reception they are expected to read, write sentences and know basic maths. There is a phonics test at the end of reception and the jump from reception to year 1 is huge and play is massively decreased.
I’m in the camp of let them be little and play for as long as possible we start formal education far too young in the uk but that’s just my view point.
I deferred my eldest best decision and the school turned to an academy when I wanted to send my middle child (end of August child) and they had changed their policy so they declined the deferral. My middle child is just finishing reception now and they have done ok but if they had accepted the deferral I would have been much happier.
It is a personal decision and you know your child and family best.

I would defer. We did with my dd. Now my ds4 is starting but can write his name (request by school for all reception starters) all self care, toliet/dressing etc independently and can read some words....

OP I’m a primary teacher and the only thing that would concern me a bit is the bottom wiping. I don’t teach the younger ones but have several friends who teach Reception, and from what they tell me, issues with wiping aren’t particularly uncommon at that age, however. I wouldn’t worry about pencil grips and letter formation - he’ll learn that. The reception year should be heavily play and inquiry based.

Reception is okay but still involves a lot of adult expectations for very small children. Y1 is hard work and a big jump up as a PP said.

I don't think he sounds ready for school, especially with toileting.

I would love deferral to be more commonly done here like it is in Scotland.

Previously taught EYFS and in your situation I would defer.
I am a firm believer in the ‘children are only children once’ and I personally hate the traditional school environment and aim to keep my child out of it for as long as a possible

On the flip side my daughter has just turned 4 and has a moderate speech disorder, can't count higher than ten and definitely can't write any letters. I haven't really considered holding her back a year. She randomly has a good pencil grip and has a good try at wiping her bum. She's loved going to nursery. Yes I worry, especially about the speech (she has speech therapy) and counting, but overall I think she'll enjoy school and I'm hoping she just catches up.

I have a end of July 6 year old (she's not 6 yet but very soon will be) just about to start year 2.

She couldn't write her name and only knew what letter it started with when she started Reception. She couldn't count, and often had toileting accidents.

By Christmas she could count to 5, write the first part of her name and knew how to spell it phonetically.

In year 2 she's still a bit behind but not massively so (struggles with maths especially number bonds, and is still on Reception level reading books but school aren't massively worried), she absolutely loves school and emotionally and socially it was the right choice for her.

Nursery wouldn't take her for an extra year anyway so it was school or move her to a different Nursery for a year which seemed stupid anyway. I'm so glad I sent her to school.

To be honest he sounds perfectly ready for reception. There is time to work on the wiping and dressing.

There will be a real mix of children in reception and all will learn at their own pace in the next few years. Reception is very play based so is a great transition to school. If deferring means entering at year 1 that would be a huge leap into a class already familiar with school and he'll have alot of catching up......

Thanks for all your comments so far - seems a mixed bag.

School is an academy so had agreed to him starting reception at 5 (whether they would let us change our mind again is another matter). But i am worried about whether he would be made to skip a year if we move/ on move to high school. He also gravitates to older children so i wonder if being the oldest in the class might not be best for him. We have a place in a private nursery as i think he'd definately benefit from a more sociable structured setting, but that would mean settling somewhere new for just a year, and none of those kids are likely to go to school later with him due to location. But my gut just says 4 is just too little! Ds1 got 'as expected' for everything this year in reception, and i really cant imagine ds2 being able to read and write like that in a year. He'll only tolerate short stories and chats all the way through them! It's also the jump to more formal learning in y1/2 that worries me more than reception, going to high school at only just 11 etc. I feel absolutely torn on this

As expected is a pretty big spectrum too. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised by sending him.

How on EARTH did you manage a deferral? More or less completely impossible back in 2004, when my DS1, 4 years and 3 months had to start Reception.

It is a gift from the gods. If you know he's not ready; defer defer defer.

Briefly; my DS1 went into a 2 class entry infants; with it being divided into YR (him). and a YR/1 class.

He then moved into Y1, which was pure Y1 - (21 DC, split 17/4, boys/girls); and a Y1/2 class.

Then he did Y2 which was one class of Y2/1, and a Y2 class, very integrated across the board (being end of KS1).

My overriding memory was parents' evening in my DS1's Y1. Not long qualified but older, mature teacher. Her opening gambit, post pleasant introduction was 'How do you think your son is doing?'...

I said I wish he'd had the opportunity to repeat Reception. She said 'Yes, him and the vast majority of the boys in this (Y1) class', they'd all benefit.

An aside, in DS1's class was a boy, S. I became great friends with his mum. S was born 5/9. Eldest in the year.

At the end of KS1, back then, the DC were formally tested against NC levels.

The 'accepted' standard was something like 2.5. S got a 3. And was 'appropriately' lauded for his achievement. My DS, several months younger, got a 2.5

They went into Juniors. Where, interestingly they carried on using the NC KS marks (which, once you understand them, are quite useful). At Xmas, my DS got 3s in all 3 subjects.

He was exactly the same age as S was, when he got applauded back in July for his identical achievements; but no one gave a toss.

Sorry to bang on, but unless it will actively hinder your child to defer- do it.

Sorry, edit button, MN!!

In my son's year was a boy, S, never in his class as S was early September born.

miljea I hope things went well for your son as he got older?

The rules changed in 2015 so now parents of summer borns can defer til age 5. Its then schools or LAs decision whether they go into reception or yr 1. It seems a postcode lottery. Our local school is an academy who can decide for themselves and reluctantly allowed us, but the local LA is quite anti. Which means no one else around us has done it meaning i feel a weirdo, and could make it tricky moving school/ to high school.

Stats suggest the gap is biggest when young, though does narrow (though not disappear) with age. It's there in sports and some emotional well being factors too, summer born boys ate over represented with adhd diagnoses etc. But i worry he'll be a fish out of water if we hold him back. It's ridiculous but i just feel paralysed with indecision!