I've had enough and it's just week 2 after ending my ML

[Fressia123]

I'm working from home (42 net hours per week). I also have a 9 month old that's currently teething and who I have to look after while working. Occasionally I have to "look after" they're more or less self sufficient 3 older children. There's nothing to eat tonight and my partner gets stressed about the mess in the house (he does help BTW) but frankly with work and a baby I find it impossible to have any time left for any house work. I can only think that I haven't worked much today and the dishes are piling up.

Baby won't stop crying. I'm stressed, I'm tired . Didn't rest over the weekeend at all (tooth ache and having to stay up til 2am one night because of my partner).

No much point to this thread but I don't think this can be my new normal :(

What did your DH expect to happen with you returning to work with no childcare?

Your family needs childcare. Are you somewhere this hasn't opened up again?

Just noticed they are SC's why are you busting your arse watching his children when he's at work. He needs to change this, they should come when he is around to look after them. Having them 50/50 doesn't mean he gets to make you the default parent at your house.
Tell him to pull his finget out or he'll be having to find somewhere to send them as you won't be there and he'll have to do it all alone.

Sounds exhausting OP. I have a 10&12 year old so can understand their reluctance and limitations, but I’d get them on loading and unloading the dishwasher or washing up breakfast and lunch things for a start. They could also tidy up the living room and run a hoover around it late afternoon, maybe get the washing in, but I break it up Into manageable chunks.
I have no idea how you can work with a 9 month old, apart from in nap times. I think your work is unrealistic to think that you can achieve 42 hours of work. Can you afford to reduce your hours down? Take some parental leave, until September?

Actually when it's just the baby and I it's fairly manageable. I do 5 hours before he gets home (start around 730) and do an extra hour when he gets home. I do the rest over the weekend. On a food day I can manage up to 7 . The baby has a very long nap and he's easily entertained (just looking at the dog makes him giggle). But it's the potential bickering , the "I'm hungry/what's for lunch/when are we going to eat" that's really exhausting. Plus the added stress of the cleany up. But we've made it clear that I'm doing two jobs simultaneously and he isn't so at least jelly do more because he knows I won't.

Op, when you say 42 hours are you doing 6 hours, 7 days a week? Because that on its own doesn't sound very sustainable, let alone with the childcare, cooking, tidying, small baby on top of all that.

Yes beela that's what it is. 6 hours every day of net work.

@Fressia123 I can't get my head around the fact you did it at all. Compromised your work and your mental health while he swanned off to work. Ex wife was a SAHM? Current wife's housekeeping not good enough?

He's great at getting women to facilitate him isn't he? Quite the talent.

It's unmanageable because you're trying to do the impossible. Remind your DP that he at least is not expected to work, do childcare and do housework simultaneously. Say this over and over again...

As others have pointed out, you need childcare. You should not be doing either childcare or housework during your working hours. However....this is a difficult time and needs must, so here's what I would do in your situation:

1. Make sure your DP is pulling his weight. He needs to do 50% of the housework and take the children all weekend so you can catch up on work (see below). You don't get any downtime at the moment...He shouldn't be having downtime at the expense of your sleeping time.

2. Get help - babysitter/cleaner. Look at something like sitters.co.uk. Use the money you're saving from nursery to get some flexible help in the house so you can get in some uninterrupted working hours.

3. Reallocate your working days - is your work flexible? If so, reallocate your working week so Saturday/Sunday are fulltime working days. Lock yourself in the bedroom/office/shed and let DP hold the fort. Don't even come down for lunch... take a sandwich and snacks with you. If you can get in two uninterrupted 10 hour days over the weekend, that leaves you with less than 5 hours for each weekday. If DP complains, tell him this is what you are coping with every day during the week, with full-time work on top.

4. Apart from the weekends, plan to work early mornings/ evenings/naptimes only. Particularly if you can do 2 hours before everyone else wakes up, you'll feel much more in control for the day. That's the reason I always wake up at 5.00am now - I have two hours to myself to work with everyone asleep and I can have my coffee and toast in peace with no demands on me.

5. Do housework while the children are awake and make everyone help. Never let housework eat into work and sleep time. Buy some big plastic boxes, put one in each of the kids' rooms and chuck anything belonging to them in there for them to sort out.

6. Picnic meals/takeout - stop cooking. Buy bread, cheese, salad, cold meat for lunch. Order in for the evening. Expensive, but saves washing-up/cleaning. It can come out of the nursery money you're saving.

7. Playpen for baby. Put baby in safe playpen with toys for short periods and ask older ones to keep an eye while you have a shower/answer emails etc. You might be able to claw back some extra time this way.

These are all 'sticking-plaster' suggestions, though. What you really need is what your DP currently has - for your working time to be just that, working time only.

Thanks mess those are great ideas. The takeout one had to be done yesterday as simply there was nothing to eat and that really stresses me out.

I do start as early as possible (especially over the weekends) . Work is mega understanding, I can do my hours whenever as long as I do them. I have a work desktop though so unfortunately for better or for worse I'm stuck at home.

I think it's mostly a case of time management (and DP not whining about the house).

@Fressia123. I think you could have the best time management in the world and still be struggling with what you're trying to do. I have a single mum friend who's worked remotely for a tech company since her son was born. He's her only child, she lives in a small flat and she only works 25 hours a week but she still struggles a lot. You sound like you've got things even tougher than her, despite having a partner! This isn't right.

What you are trying to do is insane. Most people I know are staggering childcare/work in shifts. I don’t know how you’re getting 7 hours done with the baby but I don’t think that will be feasible ina. Few months once they’re walking. I returned from mat leave with a 12m old and it is basically impossible to do anything done with her now she’s toddling about and getting into trouble every 3 seconds. Something will have to give for you- whether that is reducing hours, your DP stepping up or childcare.

Today has been a much better day :) was able to do 5 hours so far plus hoovered up stairs . Now it's time to walk the dog. And then I'll do my workout. If all days are line today it's a lot easier. But I only had the baby and my daughter who does help with entertaining the baby and isn't so demanding in terms of "I'm hungry!"

@Grobagsforever

You're looking after two children that AREN'T YOURS, facilitating HIS career and he COMPLAINS?

Wow. He should be on his knees with gratitude.

Why do women tolerate this shit?

I couldn't have put it better! I was getting crosser and crosser at OP's posts!