I've had enough and it's just week 2 after ending my ML

[Fressia123]

I'm working from home (42 net hours per week). I also have a 9 month old that's currently teething and who I have to look after while working. Occasionally I have to "look after" they're more or less self sufficient 3 older children. There's nothing to eat tonight and my partner gets stressed about the mess in the house (he does help BTW) but frankly with work and a baby I find it impossible to have any time left for any house work. I can only think that I haven't worked much today and the dishes are piling up.

Baby won't stop crying. I'm stressed, I'm tired . Didn't rest over the weekeend at all (tooth ache and having to stay up til 2am one night because of my partner).

No much point to this thread but I don't think this can be my new normal :(

They're not really used to it... And at least proper cleaning they tend to make more of a mess. I'm slowly trying to make the more tidy.

Similar situation here, I went back to work after mat leave in December so baby was 9 months when we were sent to WFH in March and his childminder could no longer take him. Also have a 6 yo.
It took a bit of getting used to at first but it is draining that my lunch breaks are spent feeding the kids and tidying up and evenings are spent cooking again and tidying again. (Dp works away mon-friday). I got a rowing machine so at least I can exercise in the evening once the baby goes to bed.
Weve had a particularly busy few weeks at work though and I had to do 56 hours last week (norm is 36) so I am really tired, pissed off and started looking for other jobs

Dk20 you completely have my sympathies!

Have I missed something - are these not your children, step DCs? Do you have four children permanently resident with you including the baby and are they yours?

Do the older ones not do some little jobs to help?

Yes, two are step kids, one is mine (but is only here 50/50) and the baby is here with me FT.

What housework does your husband do?

What does he do when he gets in?

Does he do any of the night wakings?

What happens re: lie-in's on a weekend?

What does he do with his weekends?

having to stay up til 2am one night because of my partner

Why did you have to stay up late because of him?

Pay (bribe) 12 year old to help more. Otherwise you need childcare

Night wakings are 50/50. Weekends he looks after the baby while I'm working (which includes mornings).

He gets home and sometimes will do the dishes, sometimes the patio and sometimes the living room. Every day he does do something and usually over the weekend he deep cleans something .

Could you afford a cleaner?

What does he do on the patio?

It doesn't really sound like he's pulling his weight to me.

He waters the plants and cleans it with the pressure washer. (We have a dog).

I on a normal day would do 2-3 loads of washing up, some laundry and maybe some hoovering. so it's not live I've ever done much.

You need a cleaner and to send the laundry out. Possibly get Gousto or Hello fresh as well, shopping and cooking will be much easier- he can do all that side.

I'm ok with a cleaner (he isn't as he doesn't think we're that type of people).

Again I'm ok with doing the shopping as long as he helps me to have the time to do it.

He's come back and said he'll just do all the cleaning as I do enough already.

You're looking after two children that AREN'T YOURS, facilitating HIS career and he COMPLAINS?

Wow. He should be on his knees with gratitude.

Why do women tolerate this shit?

They might not be mine, but they're part of our family. But yes we've agreed that since I can't look after them properly they won't be here unless he's here for most of the day.

Pay the kids for jobs. The 12yo should be able to at least wash the dishes and dry them and wipe the kitchen down each day.

Why all these work arounds so he doesn't have to do much?

There are four children and you are working from home?! What, that’s impossible!

Why did you have to stay up until 2am because of your partner?

He had a mini meltdown about the state of the house.

Two outvof three kids won't be here for the remainder of the week, so that's something. My DD is a lot.mote understanding helpful but that's because Ive WFH for most of her life and since lockdown her dad has been WFH. So she does understand that even though I'm here in not 100% available.

Tell him to put that energy into cleaning the house instead of whining at you.

That's what he did last night. The way I felt yesterday was definitely a snowball effect from that Friday evening

His issue with the state of the house is exactly that, HIS ISSUE.

You've got your hands full OP, ignore him.

Yes Snappy that's more or what I've told him and he understands it but that doesn't stop him from having these quarterly "meltdowns".

In some respects it's also a learning curve for him. His exW was SAHM that only started working PT at a school once their children were of school age. So she had a lot more "free" time than I do. I'm not saying anyone is better or worse but obviously that the dynamics are very different.