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Original poster

Does this sound fair re: school run

65 replies

gonesolo · 16/07/2020 18:15

My DD starts at secondary school in September and I am friends with a mum whose son also will be going there. She will be driving him there and I am thinking of asking her if she would be interested in taking my DD as well (we live close to each other). I would be happy to pay her. Do you think £1 each way would be fair? The school is just less than 1.5 miles away. She might not want the hassle but I thought I would ask her.

OP posts:

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 16/07/2020 19:27

If she’s in catchment, isn’t there a school bus?

Original poster

gonesolo · 16/07/2020 19:27

I think, if we did do this, I would absolutely want to pay her. I would not want it to be a favour. I would want her to feel it was worth her while. But I totally get that she wouldn't be able to do every day with clubs, appointments etc. I have a pretty good relationship with her and if I did ask I would just say to her it just be to sound her out on whether she would even want to. But to be honest, I don't think I'll ask her.

The aim really is that DD walks. I was just trying to think of ways to give a helping hand (reduce one stress) in the initial period. She has SEN and I know she will find it mentally exhausting to get to grips with so much change. I am hoping that this gets better as she settles in. Also she will hopefully grow in independence as I encourage her to walk alone more.

OP posts:

Original poster

gonesolo · 16/07/2020 19:28

Gracie - yes exactly. I don't think I will even ask for this reason.

OP posts:

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PickwickThePlockingDodo · 16/07/2020 19:30

She has SEN and I know she will find it mentally exhausting to get to grips with so much change

Practice the walk all through the summer, as others have said, and that will be one less thing for her to worry about.

Cheesypea · 16/07/2020 19:35

How far does dd walk on her own now op?

mrsm43s · 16/07/2020 19:45

Nope, you just can't ask this.

Taking another child (particularly at secondary age) is a pain, especially when the other mum is on her way to work. Turning up late/let out of class late/sick days/early morning clubs/afterschool clubs/her child going to or from a friends house/out after school/awkward friendship situations etc all muck up the routine. I personally, wouldn't do it for any money at all, but offering £1 per journey is actually bordering on insulting for the amount of hassle it would be.

You need to prepare your daughter to walk it herself. If she's not quite ready by the beginning of term, then (in the absence of owning your own car) you need to walk with her until she is ready to do it by herself.

Medianoche · 16/07/2020 19:46

Don’t forget that just being in a car with another family can also be pretty stressful. You say she’s an anxious soul - if there’s any social anxiety aspect to that I wouldn’t recommend that kind of regular lift arrangement unless it’s a family that she (not just you) is entirely comfortable around.
That kind of forced interaction every morning could add a layer of extra stress to the school transition.

Witchend · 16/07/2020 19:52

The problem I can see is that you cannot reciprocate.
So if her ds is ill, your dd can't get to school, her ds wants to do an afterschool club/has a detention, they want to go elsewhere straight from school etc. then she's got to consider you.
In some ways doing it for money makes it worse, because then she feels she's under obligation to do it.
And at what point do you think your dd will feel up to walking? Because I can imagine "just the first month" turning into "until half term" turning into "over the winter"....

I was very lucky when dd started in that a friend offered to take and bring back as she was doing the run anyway, and I had 2 further children to get to 2 different schools. But if ever she couldn't do it, she just had to let me know, and I could deal with dd, and if any of hers needed lifts at unusual times I could get out of work easier than her so I'd drop everything to do it.
So whereas I felt it was very one sided (and I gave her presents as thanks every term-she refused money) she also felt she got something out of it. At any rate when it came naturally to an end as her dc came to the end of school, we're still on good terms.

HathorX · 16/07/2020 20:07

I'm going to step out of line here and say - it's not "a HUGE commitment" - it's just a extra bum on a seat.

As long as a) you are ALWAYS on time b) you ALWAYS promptly inform if your DD is unwell and not attending school and c) you make it clear that as soon as you have a car you will share the lifts.

I think if you ask really nicely (you sound nice so that should not be a problem) and make it clear she doesnt have to feel obliged to agree.

I would cheerfully help out a friend and I wouldn't think it cheeky.

xolotltezcatlopoca · 16/07/2020 20:09

If you want her to worth a while to take your dd to school with her dc, you need to pay way more than a pound a day. That is a total insult, or definite CF.

CorianderLord · 16/07/2020 20:13

That's what my mum used to pay my mates mum 🤷‍♀️ offer

HemulenHouse · 16/07/2020 20:15

It’s not really about the money. It’s the awkwardness and everything it’s just a real hassle.

Original poster

gonesolo · 16/07/2020 20:25

Cheesypea - yeah really not far. She has resisted it so far saying she would feel more comfortable if she had a phone. She now has a phone to reassure her. The longest she has done is approx 200m.... We have some way to go but it is possible if we keep taking incremental steps that she feels comfortable with.

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Original poster

gonesolo · 16/07/2020 20:27

Medianoche - yes true, it's something to think about. She might find the lift more stressful than the walk!

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WindsorBlues · 16/07/2020 20:33

My mum arranged a car share arrangement for me in primary school. The two other girls in the car share were horrible to me. I hated going to and from school for a whole year before I finally admitted to my mum I really hated it and she stopped it.

What's most convenient for you might not be what's best for your daughter. You've plenty of time to get your daughter comfortable with the walk before school starts.

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