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Original poster

Does this sound fair re: school run

65 replies

gonesolo · 16/07/2020 18:15

My DD starts at secondary school in September and I am friends with a mum whose son also will be going there. She will be driving him there and I am thinking of asking her if she would be interested in taking my DD as well (we live close to each other). I would be happy to pay her. Do you think £1 each way would be fair? The school is just less than 1.5 miles away. She might not want the hassle but I thought I would ask her.

OP posts:
Redhair23 · 16/07/2020 18:35

Honestly, I wouldn’t ask, sometimes it’s the only time some parents get 1:1 time to talk to their child.
She might offer and all will work out but I think I would plan to get a bus pass.

I know lots of posters here hiked 15 miles a day across snow topped mountains to get to school, but get a bus pass. Those bags get very heavy.

FelicityPike · 16/07/2020 18:36

How much would bus fare be?
You should offer at least the same amount, anything less is pure CF-ry.

BaseDrops · 16/07/2020 18:36

I would not ask for 10 journeys a week at a £1 each. You could ask if she was interested in lift share once you can contribute. I’m presuming your friend is driving her son because she’s going to work?

What are your DDs travel options?

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Original poster
gonesolo · 16/07/2020 18:36

My DD is quite an anxious soul. She has gradually started doing short walks alone. It's just a question of time really. Hopefully there will be others walking from our area.

OP posts:
BaseDrops · 16/07/2020 18:37

Any reason you can’t walk with her for part of it?

Original poster
gonesolo · 16/07/2020 18:38

Bus isn't an option for the route unfortunately. She can cycle but isn't yet confident on the types of road. It's basically walk or car (when I get one) at the moment.

OP posts:
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 16/07/2020 18:38

Don't ask her for such a massive favour, and it is a massive favour, and offer a pound. That's pretty offensive actually.

Theres time between now and then for your daughter to build up confidence with walking such a short distance.

youhave4substitutes · 16/07/2020 18:41

"if she didn't want to do it all the time it would be fine"

Oh well that's good of you Grin

littlefireseverywhere · 16/07/2020 18:41

Spend the summer walking the route with her, then getting her to do the route. You’ve got 6 weeks, much easier all round. don’t ask friend for lifts, it’s not necessary & you’re overcoming a situation for her that doesn’t need fixing.

Sleepingboy · 16/07/2020 18:45

You've got plenty of time to go the walk several times with her. It won't take her long to feel comfortable with it. It's your job to train her up!

funnylittlefloozie · 16/07/2020 18:46

I agree with littlefires. Spend some time over the summer getting her comfortable in walking the route. Its a life skill, and will help to boost her confidence at an already tricky time.

Bluetrews25 · 16/07/2020 18:48

She won't get the confidence to walk by not doing it.
As PP has said, have trial runs with you shadowing at increasing distances.

StrawberryScentedThings · 16/07/2020 18:50

Noooo. It's such an imposition.

She needs to build up her confidence now, when it's bright, dry and sunny, not in a damp autumn.

unicornparty · 16/07/2020 18:51

You've got plenty of time to get her used to walking there.

Standrewsschool · 16/07/2020 18:53

Before choosing this school, how did you think your dd would get to school? If walking, then practice during the school holidays. Walk the route, there and back a few times, and let her do it by herself also.

Original poster
gonesolo · 16/07/2020 18:53

Ok thanks. This is exactly why I wanted to ask strangers. Truth is that she and I are both on tight budgets and she may even appreciate the money for a route she is going to do anyway (as it's on her way to work). It was a case of finding out how much to offer really.

But I hate the idea of making her feel awkward by even suggesting it (and worse still suggesting an amount which is insufficient) so will continue down the walking route.

OP posts:
JeanMichelBisquiat · 16/07/2020 18:56

Getting them used to the journey is one of the main parts of preparing them for secondary - we practised the bike ride with DD for a good couple of months before the end of year 6, and then over the hols, including with the friend she was going to cycle with.

You can't ask them to take your DD in the car, I'm afraid.

Get practising, there's still plenty of time 💐

RandomMess · 16/07/2020 19:04

I would stick to asking for a lift when it's pissing down with rain tbh. Practice the walk with your DD over the summer.

Mornings are stressful taking another child regularly just adds to it!

traytray · 16/07/2020 19:04

My ds starts secondary in August. We have been practicing the walk together twice a week since June. He is autistic so it is a big deal. I am anxious about him doing it. The school is 1.1 miles away.

When he starts school we will do half the journey together he will then walk the second half alone. The same on way home.

xolotltezcatlopoca · 16/07/2020 19:09

Can you arrange with other parents so she can walk to school with other children near by?
We did this, there were few children close by all starting same school. Not all of them were friends but it worked well. So at the start of the year, bunch of boys and girls walked together. Now it's more settled and they walk together if the meet them on the way.

Lucked · 16/07/2020 19:11

I think wait until you have a car and then offer to car share but if you start by giving her a life it will be default and before you know it she will always be running late and needing a lift.

Better to start as you mean to go in.

emilygx · 16/07/2020 19:15

I did this with a neighbours child - I wanted to help her out but it became such a burden. I couldn't make any arrangements for after school clubs, if my child was ill she was stuck so I sometimes took her son in on his own when I could have stayed in my pyjamas 😂 and the amount of times I passed on the wrong messages to teachers or left his things at school.. it was a massive pita and I kind of started to resent her for it 😣 I think she probably began to take advantage of me but luckily my work shifts have changed so from September my mum will be doing my school run 😉

Allyg1185 · 16/07/2020 19:17

Slightly different situation. My ds is 9 and his friend lives 4 doors down. I take them to school every morning but I don't pick the wee boy up I have to much things on after school. I wouldn't except money I'm going to the school anyway and it's on my route to work plus the wee boy walks up to my house so it has absolutely zero impact on my life

EllaAlright · 16/07/2020 19:19

It’s a huge commitment for the other mum. I really wouldn’t ask. What if her child wants to do after school clubs or he’s ill, she might then feel indebted to try and still take your daughter.

Gracie65 · 16/07/2020 19:24

The thing is, a lot of people would not feel comfortable saying no to this request even if the did not want to.

I am somebody that would say yes, because I am going there anyway. I would then become completely stressed by it. I think my main issue would be that there wasn't a stop date to work towards if it did become too much and also because I would feel really stressed about letting other parent know if my child was Ill for whatever reason and not going to school. I would also worry about being late. I am rarely late but on the odd occasion we are and I have to sign child in, the responsibility of having to take somebody else's child would not be ideal long term.

The money really wouldn't bother me. If I was going that way anyway it's more the commitment itself. I would be willing to do this for a short while but I really wouldn't want this to become a habit which it likely will. Even if your child walks home it would make me feel guilty for no longer driving them when I am going there and back anyway so I would still feel obliged.

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