You didn’t hear this from me....

[Howareya]

Does anyone have friends who say this all the time? I realised last week that a local mum I’m friendly with always adds this to any conversation we have along with, “don’t quote me”, “don’t repeat this”. Most of the time it’s pretty innocuous stuff we’re talking about.
I then remembered another friend would always say this to me, though she would always say don’t repeat this and I’d say of course not, and I didn’t.
I’m honestly not a gossip, in fact, second friend said to me on a couple of occasions, I never hear you talk about other people. (Though that may seem ironic given this thread).

I can only think maybe these women have had a bad experience in the past that make them feel they have to say this.

Has anyone else encountered this?

It's not a rare saying. Some people defend gossiping with 'well you didn't tell me not to say anything'.

I occasionally use "don't quote me on this" when I'm relaying facts for example, at work, but I've not got all the details or the details are sketchy cos my memory is shit 😁

I don't gossip about other people so I've never used it to describe something that someone has done. It's a well known turn of phrase though.

My in laws are super funny about being talked about and I've gotten in trouble a couple of times for repeating things that tbh weren't secrets.

Eg my pil were going away to a certain country for a holiday, I wasnt aware it was a secret, someone then asked me where they were going and i said. I then got "how does x know where we are going it's none of their business it's no ones business dont gossip about us etc etc". They then went away, came back and shared loads of pics online with an album titled the name of the place.

That's one example but I've been stung a few times like this do I find myself asking friends not to repeat things even though they arent gossip

FWIW my in laws are crazy but my confidence has been affected big time

I’ve used that sort of phrase in the past for the reason you’ve given- bad experiences with gossips. FWIW, I’ve realised it doesn’t make any difference, if people want to tell someone else what you’ve discussed with them they will whether you’ve added a disclaimer or not, so now I’m just extremely careful who I say anything to.

I don’t gossip as I’m not that interested. Gossip is dangerous and one wrong accidental word can cause chaos and carnage. Better off out of it.

Also... posted too quick.... I’ve never repeated anything anyone has told me. Secret or not. If that person wants others to know they can tell them. I always say “ it’s not my business/news to share”

I think some people just can't keep something quiet. I've noticed that when I devulge some juicy information that I have been told in confidence the people I tell just can't keep their mouth shut!

I used to have a friend who would frequently tell me gossip. She called me 'The Vault' because she knew that I would never pass it on. I never did either! (Not a gossip and seem to have a poor short-term memory for details of other people's faux pas. )

I think that the stuff she knew tended to burn a hole in her brian and in telling me, she could discuss whatever it was safely.

People who say this, in my experience, are those who say the same bit of gossip to everyone but like you to think you're the only one who has been told. Rather similar to "I'm not telling anyone else this but you...." and you keep it quiet only to find that everyone else knows.

The only advantage to these people is that it works the other way round too. If there's something you would like spreading across your local community, home town and across most of the UK, just tell the same person, "Don't let anyone know but...." and you can sit back while it spreads like wild fire....

@Redcrow I’m sure that situation with your IL’s makes you second guess yourself which is a horrible feeling I know. The holiday thing is weird really when you think about it.
It’s interesting hearing what others think.

As I said some of the information is fairly neutral, so not sure why there is the need for secrecy. Maybe it’s about making you feel you’re inside the circle of trust along with everyone else.
I’m a little bit like @rosegoldwatcher in that I never share information if someone tells me not to. And I know which friends to trust and which I wouldn’t share information with as I’ve heard them gossip about others.

@WhoWouldHaveThoughtThat

I think some people just can't keep something quiet. I've noticed that when I devulge some juicy information that I have been told in confidence the people I tell just can't keep their mouth shut!

😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣🤣🤣

I hate being told secrets, if it’s a secret then why are you telling me?

My friend always prefaces her titbits with “I know I’m gossiping but...” Then complains that she can’t tell her adult DD anything because “she’s a terrible gossip”. 🙄

My DM says "between you and me" all the time. I mean I don't really know any of the people she's talking about but I think it makes her feel better to tell me not to tell anyone. I don't know who I would tell.

IME it’s the battlecry of the scurrilous gossip.

Tread careful.

I wonder if those people are the same ones who put "Daily Mail are scum" on threads they start on MN.

I don't know... It's often rather tame stuff (in my circles, at least)

I think the people who way these phrases do so because it adds a bit of drama/mystery to otherwise rather boring pieces of information/opinion. It's harmless theatrics ("Look at us two sneaky conspirators! Go team gossip!")

I never tell these people anything!!

I know someone who does this, she is utterly two faced, and a poisinous gossip. Everything is twisted and exagerrated and she especially goes for kind helpful people. Total bitch.

And what lordamighty said.

THose that come to me with their little don't tell anyone anything, I make a mental note to never tell them anything specific. Never tell them my problems, to them I'm one of those everything is wonderful people.

Gets mentioned that I'm good at keeping secrets and don't gossip (well not in rl) a lot, I say things like yea it amazes me how many people think I really care about random people. 🤣they still carry on!!

Why don't you ever talk about yourself? - oh I do sometimes, funny as fuck hearing it elsewhere, like that time I told you X and by the time it went round I'd done the whole alphabet 🤣

THe ones that annoy me though are the shit stirrers with you didn't hear it from me, gets around and then they deny saying it, or it was a different person when on text

I work with a friend who is senior to me and she told me some office news last week "on the QT". I'm brilliant at keeping secrets but I hate that she told me. And it's not the first time.

I have an odd condition where I immediately forget anything I think I'm not supposed to know. This includes secrets that the owner of the secret has told me and I'm clearly supposed to know. But then I don't know what deep dark issue they're referring to when it's alluded to down the line. I'm so good with secrets that there is literally no point telling me. No idea why. I'm not averse to emotions and melodrama at all, I just have discreet amnesia.

All I've ever heard is that women are awful gossips, but personally I've heard more gossip from men. Currently I'm listening to a friend who is a big gossip, rambling on about people I dont know, except one person who I avoid like the plague anyway.