My mum has stopped taking care of herself and it’s really upsetting me

[AndNowApplaud]

I know everyone is not looking their best but this has been going on for a few years now.

My parents don’t have money problems. My dad is even getting annoyed/ frustrated with her. She seems very healthy (physically and emotionally) and was baffled when I asked her if she needed to see the gp.

She’s wearing a cheap pink mac and trainers I bought when my youngest was born and gave her to put into the charity shop three years ago. The mac is filthy, especially because it’s light. The soles of the trainers have even worn away. Same with trousers (she only wears the one pair) and tops. Everything’s old and completely worn. She’s also stopped wearing a bra.

I am ashamed of myself for saying it but I’m embarrassed. I’ve arranged shopping trips (she doesn’t buy anything), I’ve bought her things (she returns them).

I genuinely don’t know what to do. I want to help her. I want my mum back. She was never overly glam or everything but she was always nice looking.

My Mom wearing the same old clothes over and over, plus not taking as much care with her hair and make up as before was the first sign of dementia. I couldn't work out what it was going on at first. She lived on her own following my Dad's death so I put it down to her living on her own.

It's worth taking to your Dad to see if he's noticed anything plus speak to her about it.

How old is she?

Lack of self care was one of the first signs of dementia in my FiL (unshaven and wearing a dirty jumper when I visited.). However he’d also forgotten that I was coming, another classic sign.

For all your sakes I do hope it’s not that.
Maybe she just CBA any more?

The OP has tried buying clothes and her mum has returned them. She's healthy, not skint, won't accept new clothes- sorry but I'm left thinking: laziness and self neglect.
I'd try the tough love/completely honest approach now. If it were my mum I'd tell her I don't want to be seen with her anymore. I would never, ever allow my kids walk around looking scruffy and uncared for, I wouldn't choose to spend time with adults who feel comfortable presenting themselves to the world like that, either.

It sound like depression. When someone has depression you may not even know, to you your mother may not seem depressed etc but that doesn't mean she isn't. I have a serious and complex mental illness and people don't know because I don't let them see. She should see a doctor