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Original poster

MIL getting married and selling her house

30 replies

Raimona · 14/07/2020 10:32

MIL (widowed) has announced she’s engaged to a man she’s dated for less than a year. Both are aged 70. He wants her to sell her house, move in with him and spend the proceeds. Currently she’s secure in her own home, no mortgage, cash and pensions to support herself. We’re very worried about her future. I’m arguing with DH because I’ve said if she ends up in the shit we won’t be bailing her out and she won’t be moving in with us. DH insists he can’t talk to her about the situation because she’ll just get angry and take the huff.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 14/07/2020 10:40

Why don't you suggest she rents her place out, guaranteed income for them to spend!

ginghamstarfish · 14/07/2020 10:42

I see your point OP, and it seems like your DP will have to have the talk with her, difficult as it might be. She can sell her house, but of course needs to invest the money or most of it, in her own name and keep it secure. Or could he talk her into renting it out, then she would have an income (and a house to go back to if necessary!!)

Anordinarymum · 14/07/2020 10:44

Is he going to put her name on his house deeds? He wants to spend her money so he should share his house surely.

MrsExpo · 14/07/2020 10:45

He wants her to sell her house, move in with him and spend the proceeds.

Huge alarm bells ringing there. Spend the proceeds on what? ... I think, huff or no huff, you need to share your concerns with MiL before she does anything she might regret.

RandomMess · 14/07/2020 10:46

I would also tell MIL if she spends all her house money there will be far less to pay for her care in the future as it will only be 50% of the value of his house.

Would this also mean locating further away from you? Why is she moving into his and not him into hers or buying a different one together?

bluebell34567 · 14/07/2020 10:46

what a risk to take at her age.

giantangryrooster · 14/07/2020 10:50

You need to talk to her. My mil did something similar, died three months after the wedding out of the blue. Soo much resentment, and her new husband really profited. And yes dh and his siblings were scared senseless, that she would be left penniless for them to support, but atleast that did not happen.

MyOwnSummer · 14/07/2020 10:51

Christ that's worrying - he needs to talk to her regardless of whether she might get a huff on. Isn't that what people who love you are supposed to do, tell you things you might not want to hear in your best interests?

FianceDog · 14/07/2020 10:54

Renting is a good idea and something you can broach yourself i think.

Ultimately if he wont discuss it that's fine. He just needs to agree you are not bailing her out financially ever and she cant live with you. ever.

LionLily · 14/07/2020 11:00

I always feel rather suspicious about older (70+) people with adult dc suddenly deciding to marry. You are old enough by that point to have thought about your will and inheritances and to realise the ramifications of marriage. Most couples I know who have got together later in life have decided to keep financial affairs separate even though they are in effect living together at one or another property. In this situation when the clear suggestion is that one will spend, spend, spend, I would be tripping over the red flags.

Morporkia · 14/07/2020 11:03

There was a similar case on my local news and the groom was a bigamist conman. Please show your MIL this story

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/uk-england-sussex-53309410

fuckinghellapeacock · 14/07/2020 11:11

My father has done this, but married a much younger woman. She has cut him off from his family and is spending very fast. It is very sad to see him so poor an unhappy but he has never listened to a word we say and won't start now. I am sorry OP, it's horrendous when your parents act like idiotic teenagers.

TressiliansStone · 14/07/2020 11:21

Oh dear. This happened in my distant family. Woman had her own house and pension, perfectly independent.

She remarried and disposed of her house – I'm not sure where that money went, as his modest lifestyle didn't change. She does have a feckless and demanding son, so that's a possibility.

New husband died 4 or 5 years later. She knew she was only getting a life interest in his house but is now in high dudgeon, as it appears she was expecting to get his savings and for his pension to continue for her.

She's now getting into battles with husband's children, going after his savings. I'm not even sure why, as she still has her own occupational pension and has the house to live in.

It's really unpleasant, and needn't have happened.

Bluntness100 · 14/07/2020 11:26

Is her partner putting her name on the deeds and leaving the house to her in his will?

SleepingStandingUp · 14/07/2020 11:28

Can't you talk to her op?

It's really lovely you've found love at your age but I'm confused. The plan is to sell your house and spend all that money but for him to keep all his money and house to look after his care and his family?

IAintentDead · 14/07/2020 11:38

She may well be making a big mistake but she is 70 and the last I heard that was an adult. Unless she has alzheimer's/dementia it really isn't up to anyone else to make the decision but her.

If she was happy to discuss it with her son, you or someone else then the potential pitfalls could be discussed along with any ways of ensuring her future is safeguarded. Perhaps you could suggest she and her partner together talk to an independent advisor to ensure the future security for each of them - that may be less inflammatory - and if he is reluctant may wave a red flag to her.

But it she isn't up for discussion then you have to mind your own business.

Nosuchluck · 14/07/2020 11:40

Sounds dodgy to me.

Sally872 · 14/07/2020 11:45

Advise mil there is at least a 50% chance new partner will die before her and what is plan then? She must keep some security for herself. What if he needs care and his house is sold to fund that?

Renting out one property seems like a good idea. Perhaps even offer to help set that up i.e. find a good agent. Explain you are happy she has found someone, you aren't just protecting inheritance you just want to make sure she has a home no matter what.

Collaborate · 14/07/2020 11:54

They should also consider a pre-nup. They are binding in all but name.

TrickyD · 14/07/2020 12:00

Has MIL’s new BF got kids?
If they marry and she dies before him, her step kids will probably get the lot.
If you have children it is worth pointing this out to your DH.

Original poster

Raimona · 14/07/2020 12:40

Is her partner putting her name on the deeds and leaving the house to her in his will?
No idea. DH daren’t ask her, she will lose her temper and take the huff.

The new husband has no children but he has a sister and nephews. We have no idea if he plans to leave them his assets, or leave them to MIL, or leave her a life interest. There are a number of bad situations that could occur here.

If they marry and she dies before him, her step kids will probably get the lot
He has no kids but his family could get the lot. Including everything that DH’s Dad worked his entire life for and left to MIL. DH just shrugs and says it’s her money.

OP posts:

Cherrysoup · 14/07/2020 12:44

It is her money, but if this goes tits up, she’s screwed if she has sold all her assets and spunked the lot. Regardless of how angry she gets, your dh needs to try to talk to her about retaining her house, a rental being ideal.

CloudPop · 14/07/2020 12:51

Why doesn't he sell his house, move in with her and they spend his money?

Original poster

Raimona · 14/07/2020 12:52

Apart from my concern about MIL herself, I’m also concerned about the effect on my family. If MIL ends up broke and homeless, DH will want her to move in with us. I won’t live with MIL, I’ll divorce him first. So that’ll be the end of my marriage, I’ll be a single mum and my DC will have divorced parents and split custody. And I’m really angry that my lovely FIL’s life savings will go to this random stranger.

OP posts:

granadagirl · 14/07/2020 12:57

Could you perhaps put it to her?
She may really not have thought of the implications? and perhaps need pointing out to her

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