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Are all 8 yr old girls this annoying or just mine?

55 replies

babaindigosheep · 12/07/2020 16:35

Really struggling with DD atm. No SEN, pretty normal child, except she doesn't seem to listen to anything, process any information given by me/DH or think outside the 2 feet square of air that surrounds her. And I'm running out of patience.
This is today so far.....
Out for a bike ride. She wants to go ahead. I said that was ok, she could go up to the shop past the traffic lights and wait there. DD cycles up to the traffic lights (she is about 20m ahead), stops and presses the button. I called to her that we weren't crossing the road, no response, but she could hear me, I called again. Nothing. Then she starts crossing the road and i literally had to scream at her " DD we aren't crossing the road" by which point she is half way across the road on the green man. DH has to go into the road and get her back. She is so upset that I've shouted at her. But what alternative did I have other than letting her cross the road and then make her come back? I've given her clear instructions and told her twice not to cross the road.
Then i've parked the car to nip into a shop. She undoes her seatbelt, climbs into the front takes the car freshener from the mirror, climbs back into her seat and starts swinging it around on her finger until it flies off, out of the open window and onto the ground (all this relayed by DS). By the time I get back to the car another car has parked over it so I can't get it, so essentially we have left litter in the car park. I pointed out that she has littered the car park but say no more.
Then she wants me to hang the hammock outside. I said yes. She then watches me unload the washing machine and start to hang the washing up and half way through she says " have you hung the hammock up?". She has literally watched me since asking the first time, so she KNOWS I haven't hung the hammock up. I said, "DD you have watched me hanging the washing up since you first asked, when do you think I might have hung the hammock up?". She doesn't have an answer.
At meal times she will often wash her hands, sit down, wait until I have sat down and then say "can you get me a drink of water".....she has just washed her hands at the tap, if she wants water why doesn't fill a glass while she is there? Mealtimes are pretty trying anyway as she either spills most of her meal down her clothes or knocks over a glass or the pepper into someone else plate...its never uneventful.
We will be about a mile from home in the car and she will say "How long until we are home?". She knows the road, she knows we are nearly home, why on earth is she asking this question. Same with the school journey (pre lockdown). "How long until we are at school?".....said at any point of the journey. It takes 15 minutes, we go the same way every day.
"Don't leave the front door open, the puppy will get out" said a million times along with "Don't leave the garden gate open" (we now have it on an automatic locking hinge). Front door regularly left open.
I try to keep calm, often return the question as "what do you think" if it a distance one, suggest she gets her own glass of water (in the hope that she might remember the next time).......but I am at the end of my rag.
Is this normal? And if it is how do other people cope?

OP posts:
GreyishDays · 12/07/2020 16:37

Sounds like my eldest and youngest but not my middle one!

EnglishGirlApproximately · 12/07/2020 16:42

Oh my goodness you've just described my 8yo DS Grin Driving into our village asking if we're nearly home, we drive down here every bloody day! There isn't one thing you've described that isn't familiar! Does she speak in a constant monologue too? I don't cope with it well at all tbh. I have a constant headache which isn't helped by having to THINK for another person that just talks at and over me. No advice just solidarity.

YgritteSnow · 12/07/2020 16:43

I don't think it's normal to be so highly critical of your child no. No doubt I will be flamed for that but I can't imagine my children irritating and pissing me off so much that I post on an Internet forum of 1000s to moan about them. I'm not judging you, I just genuinely can't imagine feeling that way. My parents were always moaning about me to each other - the incident your husband relayed to you with the air freshener would have been a huge deal in our house too. I felt isolated and like my parents didn't like me for years. Constant criticism. Your post reminds me of that.

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Spied · 12/07/2020 16:45

DD 9 is like your DD. DS 10 is even worse.

Danni91 · 12/07/2020 16:47

Our eldest is 9. And since somewhere between 6 & 7 hes been exactly like your daughter.

Annoying little shit 🤣 i cant lie im happy to see this and think it may just be an age issue. I don't know many people with kids his age to compare, but the ones i do have similar fights

GreyishDays · 12/07/2020 16:48

I think you need to remember that children are not going to think ahead, with the water thing for example. Just kindly ask her to go and get it if you’re busy.

PotteringAlong · 12/07/2020 16:50

I don't think it's normal to be so highly critical of your child no.

@YgritteSnow I think is when they’re 8 and really really annoying!

My 8 year old would have done the hammock / washing thing. And the not listening on a bike ride thing. Not dangerous, just completely unthinking. I would have gone nuts about the air freshener because it’s just so unnecessary (and because I would have been ground down by the 27 other things that day!) Flowers

AuditAngel · 12/07/2020 16:51

I think we are all finding it so exasperating because we aren’t getting a break from them. I like asking “when do you think I had time to hang the hammock as you have been watching me hang the laundry?”

PotteringAlong · 12/07/2020 16:51

The whole locked in the house together for 16 weeks thing hasn’t helped matters either BlushGrin

babaindigosheep · 12/07/2020 16:51

@YgritteSnow it isn't DH who relayed the air freshener incident it was DS. How would you manage your child who has been asked NOT to cross the busy road 3 times, but goes ahead and does it anyway?
So far, its not just me.

@EnglishGirlApproximately thanks for the solidarity. Sending some back.

OP posts:
Soonbechrimbo · 12/07/2020 16:53

Sounds like my DD and totally normal. 8 is still very young, still learning about the world and they still have an underdeveloped auditory processing system. They're still tiny really in the grand scheme of things. Give your wee DD a cuddle.

xTinkerhellx · 12/07/2020 16:54

This is my DD8.

I could basically just record myself saying 'this is the 35th time I've had to tell you the exact same thing. How many more times do I need to say it?' and go out for the day. She would not notice that I wasn't there.

babaindigosheep · 12/07/2020 16:55

@Soonbechrimbo.....i do. more cuddles on the worst days. Its so hard. thank you x

OP posts:
ChilliesAndSpice · 12/07/2020 16:56

I wouldn’t be happy with the bike ride and car freshener incidents. It’s potentially dangerous and my DC would be given a punishment for not listening to instructions.

The other things sound fairly normal though.

loulouljh · 12/07/2020 16:57

My 8 year old has started squealing all the time..and never listens. Think its quite normal but frustrating..

MrsJemimaDuck · 12/07/2020 16:57

It seems normal, but my goodness, you are allowed to be exasperated. It doesn’t seem like you’re doing anything to make DD feel bad in the moment (even the shouting when crossing the road; that was a safety issue). And yes, even if we love our children they can be annoying enough to complain about.

Smellysaurus · 12/07/2020 16:58

Sounds like my 8 year old too. I feel like I’m on her back a lot at the mo which isn’t great but she’s got selective hearing down to a fine art.

Soonbechrimbo · 12/07/2020 17:01

@babaindigosheep sorry you're struggling, I know it's hard when they're getting on your wick 😂. I think like other posters have said lockdown probably not helping as well. Google the development of the auditory processing system as I read about that recently and it helped me understand my own kiddos behaviours more. Hope things are easier x

Toomanycats99 · 12/07/2020 17:02

I have a just turned 9yo. This is my exact life with her. She has dyspraxia and possibly borderline inattentive adhd.

I may be completely projecting but the fact that you say she is really clumsy as well maybe you should read the symptoms....

captainsaltpants · 12/07/2020 17:03

Are you really really sure she isn't on the spectrum? I know you've said no SEN and I don't want to claim every "abnormal" behaviour is SN but nearly everything you've written sounds like my DD (9) who's autistic/ADHD (and some can say 'high functioning') and has the most innocent of hearts and intentions I've ever known.

Isolated, the behaviours are exasperating but seen from an autistic perspective (I am too), it's different. She doesn't mean to and we have away of managing some of it if serious or letting it be as part of her quirks if harmless, even if annoying.

Damia · 12/07/2020 17:04

I think a lot of that is not having much of a sense of time/ order of events yet. Like living in the right now I am washing my hands not thinking about being thirsty. Then sitting down then thinking about thirst then asking for a drink. Or asking for the hammock and then expecting it to be done because you said yes, also the car thing no clue about distance or time travelled just how long from now. I guess that comes with age. Maybe try with things like the hammock to not say yes but say instead first I will do x then y then do the hammock, and remind of the timeline if asked again.

Damia · 12/07/2020 17:05

I think a lot of that is not having much of a sense of time/ order of events yet. Like living in the right now I am washing my hands not thinking about being thirsty. Then sitting down then thinking about thirst then asking for a drink. Or asking for the hammock and then expecting it to be done because you said yes, also the car thing no clue about distance or time travelled just how long from now. I guess that comes with age. Maybe try with things like the hammock to not say yes but say instead first I will do x then y then do the hammock, and remind of the timeline if asked again.

Indecisivelurcher · 12/07/2020 17:06

Oh dear... I think my getting on for 6yo Dd has hit this stage early... I keep finding myself asking if she's got a brain and can she use it which is granted a bit harsh, but already exasperated... How will I cope if it lasts 3yrs?!!!! Gin

trilbydoll · 12/07/2020 17:07

My 7yo has very selective hearing and our neighbours must be sick of me screaming WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO SHOUT at the top of my voice. I can totally imagine her just walking off the way she thinks we are going despite multiple instructions to the contrary. She does recognise common routes though so I will be grateful for that!

SuperEkstra · 12/07/2020 17:07

Thank you so much - this is my 7.5 year old DD! So glad she's not the only one!