What are your thoughts on single sex schools?

[BiscuitLover3679]

I have recently been thinking about my schooling.

I went to normal mixed state primary. Liked it (ish) but very shy and got picked on a bit. I did ok but had low self esteem (despite being quite bright) and didnt push myself.

My parents then put me into an all girls academic private school for secondary. I look back and am overall really happy with this education that I received. It was a bit of a bubble, but I did really well in my exams, went to a good university and have had good jobs. I do not I think I would have had this if I went to a normal state school, as here I was surrounded by very bright girls who worked hard. It was also the norm to do all sciences, no concept of boy vs girl subjects, didn't wear make up or even have an awareness that how I looked should matter. I'm really pleased with that looking back.

But then the negatives are that when I got to university, I had absolutely no idea how to behave around boys. I was so nervous and anxious, having never really spoken
to a boy before. I am lucky enough that I muddled through and finally met someone and now we have ds together, but I honestly think I still have a lot of issues with sex, being prudish and other things. I look at my friends and despite being successful career wise, a lot of them struggle to maintain or even have a relationship. I know that a lot of people struggle with relationships anyway, but I do sometimes wonder if this was made worse by being in a single sex school.

What experiences does everyone else have with this? I'm now 30 so this was back in the 2000s so I wonder if things have changed. It's hard as you only know your own experiences. My dh went to a mixed school but then he seemed just as hopeless with girls as I was with boys!

I also wonder for ds as even though we are a way off this issue (he's a baby) the good grammar school near us is all boys.

I teach at one of our local secondary school, it is in an area of high disadvantage which may affect the way that our students behave but I have been sexually harassed several times with very explicit sexual comments and a cartoon strip depicting me in one case, all incidents that were dealt with well by SLT but if that's what some of the boys are willing to say/do to the teacher then I dread to think what they say to the girls out of ear shot. The girls won't take their blazers off even in 30 degree heat because they don't want the boys seeing their bras. I've spoken to some of the girls who I notices never did PE and they said they didn't want the boys to see them run etc as they take the piss. The misbehaviour and constant low level disruption is predominantly the males of the class. I feel so sorry for the girls (and other boys) who don't cause any issues and tackle the problems all the time but it just feels like whack a mole. All other secondary schools in the area take from the same area and suffer the same problems.

We don't live in a grammar school area and I am desperate for Dd to go to the girls school in our nearest city unfortunately I would have to rely on her not only getting in (with a Yr 5 impacted by covid) but also getting a bursary to cover tuition fees which I suspect will be as rare as hens teeth next year. If she did get in then I would maintain her mixed sex clubs both so that she had local and male friends.

I am a man. I would have hated the local single sex school, in part because they played rugby not football (soccer). However, those women I have met in life who I know went to all girls schools seem to have benefited, certainly in terms of confidence.

I went to a (non-selective but academically banded) girls' school myself so I have experience as a pupil as well as a parent, although I did go to a mixed sixth form college. DH went to a mixed secondary in an area with high levels of deprivation. This was back in the 1980s, but he was the one who was adamant about single sex schools when we were considering where to send our dc. This might be partly about academic performance, but a lot of it was about the low-level disruption etc that HP talks about.

The OP asked about getting dc to socialise with the opposite sex. I think part of the answer is clubs and extra-curricular activities. For example, DD does a sport with boys from the corresponding boys' school, and I met boys through a similar club when I was a teen. One of our dc has a huge network of friends of both sexes at other single-sex schools in the area.

How did you get your children in single sex schools to mix with the opposite sex outside school?

Scouts. Swimming. Drama. Church. Youth Club. (for mine) . Other friends dc through martial arts, through orchestras and bands. I'm sure there are lots of other things young people do outside school.

I don’t think we should have state single sex schools.

My children are in single sex boys and girls schools. The girl’s experience has been great however the boy’s has been awful. The all boys environment is really toxic and we have a relative going through the same.

@Str33tCorner you can't ban all boys' schools because two boys you know, both at one school, had a poor experience.

My ds went to an all boys' school and had a brilliant experience. It really, really suited him.
I wish dd1 had been able to go there too, tbh - the whole ethos would have suited her too. I much preferred my ds's school to my dds' school, although both dds went through without any social difficulties and without somehow coming to the conclusion there as anything mysterious or 'different' about boys. They all managed to grow up knowing there are great people, nice people, mediocre people and complete idiots amongs both sexes.

I went to mixed primary and secondary school, however, my cousin went to an all girls schools throughout her schooling. I don't know if it was her personality or the fact she wasnt around boys often but she was so much more sexual than my sister or I! Our neighbours had 2 sons around our age and she would come stay at our house as a young teenager and would behave really inappropriately with them both. Often taking one at a time away for kissing, heavy petting and on a few occasions more

I went to a mixed state primary which I loved and to an academically selective single sex school for secondary. In my experience the single sex element produced a lot of clique-iness – people stayed in very clearly defined groups and there was a fair bit of bullying within groups – and I personally would avoid sending my own kids to one.

On the plus side, I agree there was less pressure to be feminine or to indulge expected male-female dynamics (laughing at lads showing off in class and all that crap).

It was an academically high achieving school but this was unrelated to the single sex element.

I maintained friendships outside of school too and never had a problem getting on with boys, male friendships or conducting relationships.

I went to a mixed prep school, and an all girls boarding school. I had a brother so mixed with boys, but I was always very shy. I don't think a mixed sex school would have helped my confidence around boys, so it was right for me. I got good results and met my DH on day 2 of uni, although we didn't become a couple until our second year and have been together ever since.

My children went to a state primary and (so far) three of my children are at single sex grammars. It works for the boys and my daughter - they get to mix out of school, do mixed productions, some CCF stuff together and in sixth form some subjects are shared across the schools so they do mix, but they concentrate on studying at school, not impressing the opposite sex.

I really think it depends on your child. My fourth one takes his 11 plus this year and I'm hoping he follows his brothers, but if not, I think he will thrive in a mixed school...

I went to a single-sex secondary. It was great for the academic side. Never the slightest thought that we could not study anything, no judgement in class, possibly fewer distractions in school ( tho we made our own distractions obviously). But in terms of a balanced upbringing, I do think that it was really important that I was in a brilliant youth group from about 13, with boys and girls as friends there.

This. My single-sex school was undoubtedly better education-wise, but the mixed youth club I went to was also a big part of my life, and I'm still friends with several of the boys and girls I met there. We also went on a couple of mixed summer camps and things.

At school, there seemed to be a real divide between the girls who had male friends and those who didn't. I'm glad I got the best of both worlds. I'm glad I made friends with boys as a teenager but I don't see how I'd have done well at school if there'd been boys at school.

Like OP, I went to a mixed primary in a village, then to a single-sex, selective high school. It had a boys' school nearby but I never really mixed with any of the boys. I then went to university to study nursing which was at least 90% female. Would I have been less socially awkward around boys once I got to uni if I had gone to a mixed sex school and had more of an idea how to have a 'normal' relationship or friendship with them? Probably, but there is no way to definitely tell. On balance, I think my parents made the right decision to send me to the school I did. I did well acadmically with the small class sizes and no concept of some subjects being for boys more than girls and no pressure to act or dress a certain way for boys. I came out of high school an emotional wreck with mental health problems but I don't blame the school for that, and I found some supportive members of staff there (some were horrible but I am sure that is the case everywhere).
Now I have a DD who is going into year 5, so am starting to think about high school options and some of them are girls' schools. I have no idea how I know what will be best for her though. There are grammar schools here that are single-sex, and I think they would be good for her but I can't be sure.