What are your thoughts on single sex schools?

[BiscuitLover3679]

I have recently been thinking about my schooling.

I went to normal mixed state primary. Liked it (ish) but very shy and got picked on a bit. I did ok but had low self esteem (despite being quite bright) and didnt push myself.

My parents then put me into an all girls academic private school for secondary. I look back and am overall really happy with this education that I received. It was a bit of a bubble, but I did really well in my exams, went to a good university and have had good jobs. I do not I think I would have had this if I went to a normal state school, as here I was surrounded by very bright girls who worked hard. It was also the norm to do all sciences, no concept of boy vs girl subjects, didn't wear make up or even have an awareness that how I looked should matter. I'm really pleased with that looking back.

But then the negatives are that when I got to university, I had absolutely no idea how to behave around boys. I was so nervous and anxious, having never really spoken
to a boy before. I am lucky enough that I muddled through and finally met someone and now we have ds together, but I honestly think I still have a lot of issues with sex, being prudish and other things. I look at my friends and despite being successful career wise, a lot of them struggle to maintain or even have a relationship. I know that a lot of people struggle with relationships anyway, but I do sometimes wonder if this was made worse by being in a single sex school.

What experiences does everyone else have with this? I'm now 30 so this was back in the 2000s so I wonder if things have changed. It's hard as you only know your own experiences. My dh went to a mixed school but then he seemed just as hopeless with girls as I was with boys!

I also wonder for ds as even though we are a way off this issue (he's a baby) the good grammar school near us is all boys.

Why would a girl or a boy see the other as aliens? Most children have people around of the opposite sex surely?

Not necessarily, if you’re at an all girls’ boarding school and your good friends don’t have brothers...

After mixed primary, all of my dc went to single sex secondary schools, different schools, and their choice. No problems with any of them.
I went the other way around - all girls primary and mixed secondary. I was totally unprepared. The boys were complete arseholes. They disrupted classes; wound up the girls and lots of drama/ fights over relationships later on. I withdrew right into myself scared to draw attention and become a target (which I did anyway.) FWIW, I still left school unable to speak to boys or ever having a bf. Within months I was mixing quite well in a working environment where my Male peers had nothing to prove and seemed much more mature to the boys at school. Even had a bf!

I went to a single sex boys school. I did well academically but I was very shy around girls for ages. Personally I think it's a weird gig, mixed sex is more representative of real life.

I had a similar experience to you OP - I'm 34 and went to an all girls high school, did mix with some boys as there was the all boys school across the road, so shared school buses, developed some mixed friendship groups, but overall think it did stunt my having normal relationships, especially friendships, with men.

For my confidence and academically though it was amazing - no concept of "male" or "female" subjects, loads of my friends did maths and physics, no sexism or harassment. Didn't encounter sexism until the workplace really, when I was a bit blindsided by it, but more able to deal with it.

If I have a daughter I'd be strongly tempted to send them to a single sex high school, but to make sure she could mix with boys. On balance I think it's a positive.

I went to a single sex school but there was a boys building and a girls building , separate playgrounds and sports fields etc. but the teachers covered both sites and we would often have to go to the boys buildings for lessons. In the last two years the two top academic sets would be mixed but the rest would remain segregated.

I liked having no boys around in the early years as the classrooms were calmer. Classes were disrupted more once the boys joined us in the 4th year.

My DS14 is at an all boys grammar and I'm beginning to wonder if he will ever have the courage to actually speak to a girl. He loves being in an all boys environment though.

DD is at an academy with mixed tutor groups but they are segregated for all lessons. I saw this as positive thing and it was one of the reasons I chose the school for her. She hated the way the boys behaved at her primary school and she is more confident in an all girls class.

Sadly for her the school has now been told that it has to switch to mixed gender classes from September in order to comply with the equalities act. I'm gutted but there is apparently no way around it. Grammar and faith schools are apparently exempt from this rule.

It's one of the best performing non selective academies and I'm sure the single sex teaching has been a factor in this.

I went to an all girls secondary school.

As others have said it was really good academically - I studied STEM subjects, did very well in my A Levels and went on to Cambridge.

It was also fine socially - I had a nice boyfriend (from the nearby boys' school) from age 15 to 18 and I get in well with men as an adult.

I had a very positive experience, but having said that I've sent my DC to a mixed school because it seemed the best choice for them out of the local options.

I only ever attended a single sex school.

Given the choice, I'd prefer my DC in single sex schools.

My dc of both sexes are at, or went to, selective single sex schools, in both the private and state sectors. As with everything, there are good and bad points but I am strongly in favour so far.
They have plenty of friends outside school and there has been no lack of socialising with peers of both sexes. I don't think 'It doesn't reflect the real world' ( often said to me when this comes up with friends who've made other choices for their dc) is an argument against abandoning it, particularly for girls. Quite frankly the 'real world' is horribly sexist and stacked against girls and I love that DD is in an environment where girls' education is paramount, for a few years at least. She has really blossomed since leaving her mixed primary school. There could be all sorts of reasons for this, but knowing DD I'm very happy with the choices we've made.
It's down to what suits you and your dc best, of course. I would like there to continue to be a choice, for those who want it. We didn't look at any mixed secondary options, so that presumably left a few more places for the majority who wanted them!

Both of my DC chose to go to single sex secondary schools and it has worked well for them. They went to mixed primary schools and were glad to leave the other sex behind.

Academically it has been good. I have a DS and a DD so there are no mysteries with the opposite sex. DS has a mixed group of friends. DD's friends are all girls so far.

I went to a girl's school and and DH went to a co-ed. None of the girls he knew from school did much so he was very keen that DD go to single sex.

It seems single sex schooling is OK for girls but not for boys.

@Chickenkatsu

It seems single sex schooling is OK for girls but not for boys.

Still doesn't seem to stop them earning more and running everything when they grow up though...!

Both ds, and then both my dds went to single sex schools. Not private, not selective, just state secondaries.
We didn't choose them because they were single sex, we chose them because, after looking round all the schools they stood a chance of getting in to, and talking to people and asking lots of questions, we came to the conclusion that they were the best schools for my dc, at the time.
Primary had been mixed, and 6th forms were all mixed.
It was never an issue with any of them.
ds had plenty of both make and female teachers , and both dds had plenty of make and female teachers.
Crucially, they also have lives outside school which meant the spent lots of time in mixed company and all had friends of both sexes.

I went to school in an area where the only single-sex schools were the public schools, and we always thought that people that went to them were a bit peculiar.

However, I now live in an area where basically all the schools - comprehensive, grammar and public - are single-sex. So my child will definitely be going to a single-sex school, and it weirds me out.

I went to a mixed primary and then a selective all-girls grammar school in the 1990s. I loved it, it was very academic and we were constantly told that we could excel at any and all subjects. There was no concern about what you looked like, no trying to impress boys or worry about what they thought of you or would say if you spoke up in class, no sexism or harassment as a pp said. It was a very high expectation/high achieving environment. Out of 60 girls in my year, 4 went to Oxbridge, and of the ones I have kept in touch with/know of, one is in politics, I and one other became vets, 3 became doctors, a couple went into finance, one is a physicist in academia, a couple are lawyers and there's an architect, a very successful illustrator and a civil engineer. They really developed everyone's strengths, regardless of whether that was art or physics or Spanish or maths or all of them. There was a real 'girls can achieve anything' mindset and I'm very glad I went to that school.

I think a lot has to do with your home / family situation.

I had exactly the same experience as you did OP, single sex schools all the way. And I had no males at home except for Dad . I grew up not having any idea of how to talk to boys , and I regarded them only in the context of dating / romantic figures rather than as friends. I'm in my 60's now and I've never had a male "friend", which is a shame.

Both of my DGDs go to all-girl schools which I'm happy about because they have brothers and male cousins - I do think that there is a balance when you have males in your family.

I went to a single sex school and had no brothers. I will admit I was a bit awkward around boys from ages 10-14 or so but never had problems from then on, no issues going to university etc. Certainly never thought of the opposite sex as alien.

I liked it. There was no stereotyping around subjects, sports, hobbies, interests. No different uniforms or dress codes. Not much relationship drama in classrooms.

Lots of my classmates went on to engineering and the sciences which was a surprise to them when the showed up to uni - classes had gone from 100% female to only 5-10%.

Out of interest why do so many people apparently see the opposite sex as so alien?

We're all human beings with stacks in common.

I am getting on a bit, was at school in the 80s.

I think that maybe the sexes are raised more to see each other as alien now? Not sure.

People speak about boys crowding out girls in the classroom and I can totally see that

What people don’t see is the toxic macho braggarts ALSO crowd out the more gentle introverted boys

Having girls in the class brings a balance

I went to a single sex school and didn't have the same attitude about boys but i did a lot of extra curricular mixed activities. We can't afford private so not much of an option here for us but am considering the girls grammar potentially.

How did you get your children in single sex schools to mix with the opposite sex outside school? If no brothers, cousins etc around

I don’t think we should have state single sex schools.

My children are in single sex boys and girls schools. The girl’s experience has been great however the boy’s has been awful. The all boys environment is really toxic and we have a relative going through the same.

I don’t think boys should be thrown under the bus in pursuit of female single sex schools.

@Str33tCorner what issues are the boys having?

I went to a single-sex secondary. It was great for the academic side. Never the slightest thought that we could not study anything, no judgement in class, possibly fewer distractions in school ( tho we made our own distractions obviously).
But in terms of a balanced upbringing, I do think that it was really important that I was in a brilliant youth group from about 13, with boys and girls as friends there.
My brother also went to a single sex school and did not like it. Although he had a good group of friends there and has always been popular, he says it was brutal at times and boys without girls in class was at times low level bullying under the cover of banter. He also loved football, and the school played rugby only, so I am sure that was part of it. He was also in the youth group and the friends he has kept are mostly from there.
I think I would be keener for a girl than a boy.

I went to an all girls school and although I was in clubs outside of school they were all girl clubs (guides etc) I had a handful of male friends mostly through the boyfriends of school mates or through the children of my mums friends. I also did quite a female heavy degree and my PHD cohort was almost exclusively women. However I'm not prudish (quite the opposite!) confident with men, went straight into a male dominated industry, quickly climbed the ranks, and have good healthy relationships with male friends and boyfriends. I wouldn't change my schooling for the world, I loved it. It does sometimes play on my mind about whether it is an equal way to treat kids and how feminist it is!

I’ve taught in all three settings (all girls, all boys and mixed), I went to a mixed grammar school and my sons went to an all boys comp, so I’ve experienced quite a range!

I honestly think it depends on the child to an extent. One of my sons was fine at all boys but my younger son hates it. There is a lot of truth to what @Str33tCorner says about this. At mixed school as well, it can feel like a subset of boys take up a disproportionate amount of teacher time, but too many people are inclined to shrug their shoulders and demonise boys rather than think about how to improve learning for all children.

However the school can do something to mitigate this. I think many teaching methods hark back to old fashioned ideas about what boys want and need in the classroom and this does everyone a disservice, including the boys themselves. “Boys Don’t Try” by Matt Pinkett is a really good read on this.

On balance I think mixed education is best, and if the school is careful and reflective about its pedagogy and its culture, all children can thrive.