I don’t know if I can afford this baby

[user1494157537]

Hi all, I’ve fairly recently discovered I’m pregnant. The baby’s father has made it clear he wants nothing to do with it or me. He is due to move abroad for work very soon.

I don’t know how I’m going to be able to afford it. At first I thought we’d be ok as I am on what I thought was a pretty good wage (£60k) and own my own (very small) 2 bedroom flat.

I live in central London and my mortgage is currently £700pcm but I used help to buy so that will go up to c.£1200-1300pcm in a year. I’m in negative equity as the value has dropped and so I can’t afford to sell and buy somewhere cheaper.

I’ve just started to find out about nursery fees though. They are extortionate. I only get SMP with my job and the nursery’s which have fees online are as much as £90-100 a day. Most don’t have fees up. (If anyone knows Canary Wharf baby feed please let me know!)

I have some savings but only a couple of months worth and just can’t see how I can afford to work and pay for childcare. It seems very unfair that a couple on £49K each would get help but I’m not able to get anything.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and how have you managed? Please help, I’m getting a bit desperate. I’ve always wanted to be a mum but can’t see how on earth I can afford it.

[BarbaraofSeville]

How much would a live in nanny cost? I assume that's not an option cost wise?

[AnotherEmma]

"another myth, that you can drop to smp and qualify for benefits"

It's not a myth.

A single mother on SMP (£151.20/week) with no other income, and savings under £6k, definitely qualifies for Child Benefit and Universal Credit.

£21.05/week Child Benefit and £555 UC, to be precise. (NB this would be what the OP gets as she has a mortgage, for someone who rents it would be different.)

[AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings]

Before I had my child I was on about £50k a year (it's less now because I'm part time). My (share of the) mortgage and bills are £1,000 per month so not that much different to you, and I'm also London-based.

I can afford to live on just my salary (disclaimer: I have a dh so I don't need to, but could iyswim).

Childminders can cost from £55 per day. If you can do flexible hours you can shave some money from those costs.

London has high property outgoings but us a fairly cheap place to raise children in a lot of ways: loads of free things to do, decent children's centres with free classes, lots of mummy groups and meet-ups and Facebook groups.

I'd suggest you try to save as much as you can now - batch cook, downgrade beauty products, clothes, eating out etc. And start to look for free and cheap baby supplies by joining parenting, local and freebie groups in your area. If you've got storage space, collect clothes and bit as you find them for the next two years.

You will honestly be surprised by what brand new items people give away.

Consider using cloth nappies and aim to breastfeed if you can to save on formula costs (although, don't beat yourself up if this isn't possible).

You only have to muddle through two years before you might be eligible for some free childcare. And when they're 2+ a lot of churches etc. Run playgroups which can be as cheap as £10 for three hours of childcare. If you can do flexitime or childcare swaps with new parent friends, (and have a child that lives king naps!!) you might not need to top up those hours with a childminder.

[AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings]

Would you consider a mon-fri lodger or Airbnb'ing the spare room until the baby is born?

You could put up the whole flat and stay with friends as-and-when you get weekend bookings if you are very close to a few people.

[AnotherEmma]

£21.05/week Child Benefit and £555 UC, to be precise. (NB this would be what the OP gets as she has a mortgage, for someone who rents it would be different.)

Just to clarify this is £555 per month UC.

[Cam2020]

I think most people who have unintentionally become pregnant feel this way, OP. The reality is, it might be tight for a couple of years but you can afford it...if you want to.

I earn a similar amount to you and my outgoings are similar to yours too. Before my daughter, I had a very active social life - dinner and drinks three or four times a week, theatre, concerts and gigs etc. enjoyed buying clothes and makeup. Much of that has gone out of the window, but I have never regretted or missed it either. You just don't spend as much money. Dinner out whilst pregnant becomes very cheap without wine, you get more tired and don't want to be put so often. Being on mat leave, you don't buy so many clothes or get through make up.

Check out your gym membership and see if you can freeze it for a period of time - at least to see you through to being back at work, most do.

[Summer8900]

Congratulations:)
You will make it work but you will need to go over all of your expenses and save now and for the foreseeable future. I would go and see some childminders and nurseries now and put your child name down way before he/she is born. This is London. We had our child’s name down for one of the nurseries before she was born and still didn’t get in. If I was you I would ask my family to help. If one of them can come one day a week that would be great. Ask his family as well. An au pair can’t help as they can’t look after a baby and frankly you don’t want this.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

A single mother on SMP (£151.20/week) with no other income, and savings under £6k, definitely qualifies for Child Benefit and Universal Credit it’s complex, if she returns to work quickly then in a tax year she’d have to pay back the child benefit and probably the UC

[AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings]

Re: au pairs. You're not really meant to get one before the child is two.

Central London pay is about £100 per week, (national average is £75 so you might get a cheaper one) plus food, utilities etc. For 30 hours work. You could be expected to pay for other things - like English lessons etc.

You can reduce this cost by getting an au pair share with another family though. And you wouldn't have to have them live in.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Don’t get a nanny- lots of things to consider with payroll, NI, pensions etc- just pay a childminder

[Graphista]

Take Home Pay = £3150

Rent/Mortgage = £1300
Utilities = £312
Council Tax = £170
Internet = £60
Car = £250
Tube = £360
Food = £400
Gym = £100
Phone Contract = £100
Childcare = £1000

Wow! The way the other half live!

I’m at the other end of the financial scale living on benefits currently but have most of my adult life inc as a single mum been on a very tight budget.

Ok I live in a cheap (deprived) area but even so...

Utilities £312 for 1 person? How??

Mine are high due to being stuck with a crap provider it’s been hard to find a way to switch away from (they’ve been “done” several times by ofgem for this but are still a nightmare) and I’m in Scotland (cold and damp most of year) and in a large roomed (except for the bloody kitchen - don’t get me started!) high ceilinged old tenement building with shitty glazing and poor insulation and I’m STILL £150 pcm Max in depths of winter!

Internet £60? With who?? Is it gold plated?? I’m less than £20 pcm for broadband, and even if I upgraded to fibre unlimited I’d still be less than £25 pcm for perfectly serviceable (I’m online ALL the time) provision AND excellent customer service!

Car AND tube? Not to mention £250 for the car? What does that include? Many city dwellers don’t bother having a car as the public transport is often excellent. Get groceries delivered.

Food £400 - again for 1 person? I know cost of living higher in London is it really that much higher? I’m around £50-60 a week for groceries and that’s not just food, but includes a serious amount of spending on cleaning products (I have ocd) I’d say around 1/3 is food, 1/3 is closer to what normal people spend on non food products and 1/3 if not more is due to the ocd.

Gym and phone - agree with pps that it’s worth investigating early ending of contracts, or at the very least KNOW when you can cancel the contracts and with the phone switch to a sim only deal which can be as cheap as £5 per month. I’m with Tesco mobile and their cheapest is £7.50 per month. I have a “new” iPhone I got last autumn but it’s not the latest model but again perfectly adequate (and I do a LOT on my phone it’s my lifeline!) for around £25 pcm.

Again as per pps anything like tv packages, streaming services etc cut back or cut out. There’s loads of legal ways to watch freely or cheaply now. If you got Prime for £7.99 pcm you’d have the streaming service, free books, magazines and music, preferential shipping etc

Baby items - let family and friends get as much as they wish, they could even club together for larger items if they wanted to. I’m lucky to be from a big family and was one of the last of my friends to have first baby so we got LOADS of hand me downs in very good quality. Not just clothes, but Moses basket, cot, toys, pregnancy books...

Also second hand, there’s constantly on my local Facebook pages people giving away or selling very cheaply bundles of clothes, toys, and sometimes larger baby items too. Friends and family have got stuff this way and it’s almost always been excellent quality sometimes even as new.

Potentially controversial but also if you bf that’s virtually free whereas ff can quickly become expensive! I did both as I wanted to bf min 1 year but milk dried up so had to ff. or at least consider combi feeding?

Only other things we bought dd new in her first year were mattresses & bedding for moses & cot, vests & socks clothes wise (we were given SO many clothes for 1st year they didn’t even all get worn!), travel system - which in hindsight was really a waste of money as I fell for marketing of “new” 3 wheeler jogger pram/pushchair/car seat wheeler thing! We barely used the pram bit before she outgrew/hated it, by the time she was at pushchair stage I’d bought a cheap umbrella buggy for a holiday which dd and I both preferred (comfier for her and easier to wheel and put up/collapse for me, the 3 wheeler was a pita!)

CSA. Dad has to pay! Well THERE speaks someone who’s never been through that!

1 it’s no longer csa it’s cms has been for a few years now!

2 it’s hard enough getting those useless arses to get money out of Uk based fathers let alone the ones that fuck off out the country!

I do wonder if op can get around the no letting/childcare costs issue by having a live in nanny? The “live in” part making up for part of wage? I was a live out nanny but knew other nannies where this was the arrangement not sure if that still happens.

I agree she could have a single bed and cot in her room you don’t need a double bed.

[Cam2020]

Just wanted to add, I know how stressful this situation is, having been in it myself. I spent countless sleepless nights worrying about how I was going to afford the baby, but everything was fine, we've managed and are very happy. She's now 3, so I'm getting 15 hrs free childcare and things, will be easier again once she starts school.

[AnotherEmma]

OnlyFoolsAndMothers
"if she returns to work quickly then in a tax year she’d have to pay back the child benefit and probably the UC"

What on earth are you on about?!
No she won't have to pay back the UC. It's calculated monthly and based on earnings as reported by the employer via HMRC. So provided no errors there won't be any overpayment to pay back.

Why do people just make up nonsense?!

OP if you are struggling to separate the correct advice and wrong advice about benefits on this thread, please contact citizens advice and if you get a good adviser they'll tell you what I have.

[formerbabe]

I don't think the op can afford a nanny. It would wipe out at least half her pre tax salary. An au pair is not meant to look after a baby full time. Au pairs tend to look after older children after school for example and only light childcare duties.
A childminder would probably be the cheapest option.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

AnotherEmma I’m not claiming to be an expert but it’s clearly not as easy as on smp you can top up your income with UC. I just struggle to believe than a woman earning a higher taxed income goes on mat leave, can claim benefits.

“Under the Universal Credit rules, Statutory Maternity Pay is classed as ‘earnings’; this means that some of the amount paid is disregarded. However, Maternity Allowance is classed as ‘income’ rather than ‘earnings’ and the full payment is taken into account.
The maximum rate of Universal Credit for a lone parent aged over 25 is £549.49/month (for herself and her baby with no housing costs); the maximum rate of Maternity Allowance is £629.11/month (£145.18/week). As the Maternity Allowance income is more than she is deemed to need, she is not entitled to any Universal Credit. Without entitlement to Universal Credit, she does not qualify for the £500 Sure Start Maternity”

[SuzieCarmichael]

This is the problem with Hwlp To Buy I’m afraid OP. It is a really terrible product which has so many constraints - can’t have a lodger, can’t sublet, the monthly cost rises sharply after the first five years.

How much are you under water by? If it was relatively minor I would try and sell, to be honest. Cover the loss with part of your share of the proceeds and move further out of London to find somewhere more affordable on your salary. Fortunately you work in CW so you can commute from relatively affordable bits of Essex.

[AnotherEmma]

"I’m not claiming to be an expert"

I hope not

What's the source for your paragraph in quotes? It's all wrong.

[SuzieCarmichael]

PS. All the people wrangling about your living costs and benefits don’t understand how HTB works. That is what is at the root of your problem, and that is what you have to address.

[babychange12]

Not sure where you guys are getting £1000 per month nursery costs from. I paid almost £2k a month for full time place at nursery. Cm was cheaper but not by much - think it was £1600 per month

Live out Nanny is significantly more expensive, probably 3k a month once you add tax and NI

To be fair babies are quite cheap. Just buy everything second hand, bf if you can as it's free, cloth nappies (some councils give you vouchers to get a starter pack - I know Islington did, not sure about Canary Wharf?). Baby cosleeps with us so didn't need a cot

You can get a lodger with a box room, not ideal but you need the money

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

AnotherEmma

maternityaction.org.uk/

[Leobynature]

What about a single bed for the small bedroom and charge a bit less. Or a single bed and cot in small room for you and baby and rent out bigger room. Not ideal but short term it could work.

[CrazyHorse]

I don't know why people are suggesting you get a lodger (who the hell wants a lodger and a new baby?) or an Au-pair for a new born?!

Realistically you need to find a decent childminder, or a nanny share. You'll only need to fund full time childcare for a few years and during that time you just won't be able to afford things like foreign holidays, but it's perfectly doable without too much scrimping.
It's perfectly possible to raise three children on an income of £60k pa with a mortgage of £1300pm

[babychange12]

Actually I agree with Suzie - the root of all this problem is your help to buy mortgage.

You can sell it and rent somewhere else much cheaper. How much of a loss will you make on it?

I guess it's either the flat or the baby

[AnotherEmma]

"I don't know why people are suggesting you get a lodger"

OP could get a lodger between now and baby's arrival.

I can understand not wanting one after baby arrives! And/or the lodger not wanting to stay!

[InkieNecro]

Au pairs are not there to cover childcare for a full working week. Maybe a few hours a day max. Op would still need to find a childminder, plus pay for an au pair to watch her baby for a few hours a day and pay for their food.