I don’t know if I can afford this baby

[user1494157537]

Hi all, I’ve fairly recently discovered I’m pregnant. The baby’s father has made it clear he wants nothing to do with it or me. He is due to move abroad for work very soon.

I don’t know how I’m going to be able to afford it. At first I thought we’d be ok as I am on what I thought was a pretty good wage (£60k) and own my own (very small) 2 bedroom flat.

I live in central London and my mortgage is currently £700pcm but I used help to buy so that will go up to c.£1200-1300pcm in a year. I’m in negative equity as the value has dropped and so I can’t afford to sell and buy somewhere cheaper.

I’ve just started to find out about nursery fees though. They are extortionate. I only get SMP with my job and the nursery’s which have fees online are as much as £90-100 a day. Most don’t have fees up. (If anyone knows Canary Wharf baby feed please let me know!)

I have some savings but only a couple of months worth and just can’t see how I can afford to work and pay for childcare. It seems very unfair that a couple on £49K each would get help but I’m not able to get anything.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and how have you managed? Please help, I’m getting a bit desperate. I’ve always wanted to be a mum but can’t see how on earth I can afford it.

[Namechanger0800]

If you want the baby then given you have a 2 bed flat and earn 60k you are already in a better financial position than many.

You need to start maximising your position now so reduce your outcome and increase your income. Can you do any overtime at work and save etc? Can you work condensed hours so you have a day a week off once baby is here? Do a check of what universal credit might be available when you are on SMP. Do you have anything you can sell?

The tax free childcare will help and give you 20% off your childcare bill. Childminder are often cheaper and more flexible with hours they will do.

Go through your outgoings and cut down to the bone- anything in contract ring up and negotiate either reduced payment or defer payment.

Speak to a mortgage advisor - one who understands help to buy and see if you can work on that.

You will be able to get everything for baby second hand and that will be fine. Make do and mend and look at the forums on MSE which have some excellent tips

Good luck - I will be able to do this xxx

[Howmanysleepsnow]

Childminders near me are about 50% of the cost of nursery and my youngest 2 loved them (eldest went to nursery but I couldn’t afford it with more dc!)
Is there an early termination option available on your gym/ phone contracts? If so it may be worth paying the fee now.
Also look into tax free childcare, which will effectively save 20% of the cost.
How much do you have left after outgoings (bills)?

[Elsiebear90]

Your monthly salary is higher than I thought for some reason, if your mortgage and childcare costs are around £2300 and you take home £3150 then if you pause your pension contributions and take in a lodger it’s definitely doable.

[NellWilsonsWhiteHair]

I think it’s also about budgeting and eBay/similar and really just winging it for a few years.

From my experience, which is similar-ish, I’d be cautious about cutting down on your pension contributions - it can backfire in unexpected ways. (Which may or may not apply, if you really won’t be eligible for UC; contrary to popular opinion on this site, I do get a significant chunk of UC for childcare costs, as a single parent on £54k. But I have two children and live in a shared ownership flat, both facts may also be v significant in the difference between my entitlement and yours... Anyway, when I thought of stopping paying into my pension for a bit, because things are a bit of a stretch just now, I looked at it and once you accounted for paying 40% tax and then getting less UC, it was a silly way of trying to economise.)

Good luck!

[AnotherEmma]

NellWilsons

"I do get a significant chunk of UC for childcare costs, as a single parent on £54k. But I have two children and live in a shared ownership flat, both facts may also be v significant in the difference between my entitlement and yours"

I've done the calculation and OP definitely won't be entitled.

You are correct in that the difference for you is that you have a shared ownership flat, so you'll get the housing element towards your rent, and you have two children, so your childcare element will be higher.

With a mortgage, one child, and a slightly higher salary, OP is not entitled (by a considerable margin).

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

You should clear £3600 ish before pension and student loan- stop your pension for now! How much is your student loan? When you drop to smp I assume the payments pause?
Do you have savings to get you through the few months mat leave you will need?
Then childminder should be a cheaper - FYI our nursery is £70 a day in lewisham and there’s a slight discount for full timers. You will get free hours from 3yrs old but nothing before. Will your work let you work a couple of days from home a wk to cut down on childcare? should be able to get by with a few tight years.

[sergeilavrov]

Taking a guess at the situation, but hopefully not far off.

Take Home Pay = £3150

Rent/Mortgage = £1300
Utilities = £312
Council Tax = £170
Internet = £60
Car = £250
Tube = £360
Food = £400
Gym = £100
Phone Contract = £100
Childcare = £1000

£4,052 which means you would need to save £902 a month from this. I’d suggest selling your car and using the proceeds to buffer this gap (if you don’t have one, that’s a bunch saved anyway). If you don’t have one, then that cuts car costs out - but still £652 left. If you’re on the £700 rate for the first year, that solves the issue to begin with. The issue is the year after until you get free childcare hours. I’d probably suggest cutting your pension down to minimum payments for a year, and taking the baby to a childminder in Essex which will reduce the fees a little. As soon as gym membership and phone contract allow, exit and get a sim only in your phone.

The issue is it won’t be comfortable. Its a big change, not to be able to just buy whatever and not worry about it. I don’t know if that’s easy/hard for you, but for me that would be frustrating. So I would probably find a credit card that gives benefits for travel expenditure, and use it for those.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Btw do people really think people on 60k get UC?!

[RandomMess]

OP won't need to use the tube whilst on Mat leave and £80 per week for supermarket for one adult is crazy!

[Tootletum]

Your flat isn't that small. There are plenty of lodgers that would be happy to live in Canary wharf and pay a bit less for a small room. If you buy a Chicco Next to me cot, it'll definitely fit for at least six months. Babies are tiny for some time! So that gives you over a year getting a lodger in before you might want to move baby into their room. Use eBay, it's full of good stuff if you wait for the right prices. And don't buy too much before baby arrives, as you get tonnes of gifts. Your work is very likely to do childcare vouchers which works out slightly cheaper as taken out of your pretax income. You'll be fine. Congratulations!

[Juiceey]

You can do this OP. A much wanted baby is worth a few years of hardship.

Get a single bed and a lodger in asap.

Look for an au pair. Failing that, a childminder.

[RandomMess]

Money Saving Expert is an amazing resource on how to cut costs.

Even those suggested utility and internet cost are crazily high! We pay £200 per month in the winter and about £140 in the summer but that is water for 3 adults and 2 teens plus a 5 bed house on the top of a hill that gets cold as soon as there is a slight breeze.

[sergeilavrov]

The only reason I’d suggest keeping the tube is that it gives freedom to explore and access lots of free baby activities all over London. I’ve tried to think of the highest estimates eg food, the tube is an all zone ticket. Food adds up with milk and baby food too.

While a lodger may go for a smaller room, a crying baby isn’t a selling point. Also, I think if you can avoid having a stranger around as you become accustomed to motherhood - it’s definitely better for your mental health.

[Isthisfinallyit]

I can’t get a lodger in - my flat is only about 550sq feet and neither bedroom would fit a double bed and cot in it.

Then You put in a single bed and a cot in one room. You need to start thinking in solutions, not problems because you want to keep the same lifestyle.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Your work is very likely to do childcare vouchers no this scheme has ended to new applicants, it’s tax free childcare now, OP can set up an acc tor this

[WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo]

Could you work from home for part of the week ?

[Pegase]

Am in London but zone 3 not Canary Wharf. Here it is about £50/day for a really good childminder and nursery £70-80 a day. You also will get the tax free childcare and then 15/30 hours free childcare as the baby gets older which made a big difference to us.

You should save a lot when pg as no alcohol expenditure and too tired for a hectic social life!

If you are successful breastfeeding without interventions then that is free. Best rated nappies on Which are Aldi and super cheap if you do disposables.

I would definitely say it is doable.

[mylittlesandwich]

I've had to opt out of my pension for a while. I had a decent pot saved and I'll get back to it but for mat leave I've done what I needed to. Also you may want the full year mat leave but you don't need to take it if it doesn't work financially.

[HopelesslydevotedtoGu]

Do you live and work in Canary Wharf?

Nurseries in Canary Wharf will be expensive. You may be able to find a childminder who is less expensive, and offers a home-from-home environment that some babies will prefer. There may be less expensive Nurseries in the children's centres - I don't know Tower Hamlets well, but some other areas of London have more affordable Nurseries based in the Children's Centres.

If you live and work in the Wharf I wouldn't be keen to travel to a Nursery much further away, as the cost savings may be overshadowed by the cost and hassle of commuting - especially if your work is inflexible.

I would see if you can rent your second bedroom out as a single room now to get some extra savings before your mat leave - I agree this may not be practical when you have a newborn as the lodger will get woken up - but you may find someone who wants to be a short term lodger.

The father should pay towards his child, however if he moves overseas this will probably be hard to enforce, but I'd certainly tell him you have an expectation of £X per month.

Alternatively - depending on how helpful your family is, your employment options and how much negative equity you are in - would a move to nearer your family be possible and helpful? I know quite a few people who live near their parents and the grandparents happily provide free childcare - obviously not an option or desirable for everyone.

There is a Tower Hamlets NCT group which has a yahoo email group, if you can sign up you could post and ask for advice about childcare options and secondhand baby items.

Once your child is 3 you will get some free childcare hours (2 if low income) and then once they are in school your childcare costs will reduce a lot. So if you do need to stop pension contributions for a while I think that is reasonable, it should be short term.

[AnotherEmma]

sergeilavrov
That budget has some strange items.
£312/month on utilities? Too high especially for a 2 bed flat
£250/month on a car? How many single people living in central London actually own and run a car?!
£100/month on a mobile? Too high, on a sim only contract I pay £10/month but even if you're paying for handset it should surely be less than £100/month
£100/month on the gym - OP will have to cancel that (I was able to cancel my gym membership when I got pregnant, I successfully argued that I couldn't make full use of it)

[HopelesslydevotedtoGu]

I'm not sure how much letting rooms has been impacted by covid19 (maybe substantially) but when I sublet a room in London in the past I rented a small room with a single bed on a Monday to Friday basis. Some offered use of the living rooms, others you could only use kitchen for cooking and bathroom, you had to sit in your room otherwise - obviously the latter were cheaper.

You may even find that some people may prefer to sign up as a lodger currently rather than have the cost and commitment of a tenancy contract. Obviously a crying newborn baby would put off some lodgers (!) but if you set the price low enough certainly pre-covid someone would take it! Or you could find somebody who is happy for a temporary lodging arrangement for a few months during your pregnancy.

[HopelesslydevotedtoGu]

Has the op even said she has a car? Many people living in Canary Wharf wouldn't have one.

[Hardbackwriter]

Just wanted to point out that a lot of people have told OP she can save 20% on childcare through tax-free childcare - but there's a maximum you can claim each year (£2000) so if she's paying more than £10k a year - and it probably will be for full-time, central London - then it'll be less than 20% saved. £2000 a year is still a significant saving and definitely worth taking into account, but I just didn't want the OP to think it was a bigger saving than it is.

[sergeilavrov]

@AnotherEmma No it doesn't. As I've already referenced, I tried to come with the high estimates (some of which I googled, such as utilities). Just like OP shouldn't count on maintenance, it's easier to adjust to having to cut less than having to cut more. I already referenced how if she doesn't have a car, that changes things and how that would change things.

While it's lovely that you don't personally pay those amounts and you're frugal, the OP has indicated she is on expensive phone and gym contracts. I think it's always good to try and help OPs on MN, and that means thinking specifically about their situation. Hopefully that rundown helps OP consider how to think about finances.

[AnotherEmma]

Well that was patronising