I don’t know if I can afford this baby

[user1494157537]

Hi all, I’ve fairly recently discovered I’m pregnant. The baby’s father has made it clear he wants nothing to do with it or me. He is due to move abroad for work very soon.

I don’t know how I’m going to be able to afford it. At first I thought we’d be ok as I am on what I thought was a pretty good wage (£60k) and own my own (very small) 2 bedroom flat.

I live in central London and my mortgage is currently £700pcm but I used help to buy so that will go up to c.£1200-1300pcm in a year. I’m in negative equity as the value has dropped and so I can’t afford to sell and buy somewhere cheaper.

I’ve just started to find out about nursery fees though. They are extortionate. I only get SMP with my job and the nursery’s which have fees online are as much as £90-100 a day. Most don’t have fees up. (If anyone knows Canary Wharf baby feed please let me know!)

I have some savings but only a couple of months worth and just can’t see how I can afford to work and pay for childcare. It seems very unfair that a couple on £49K each would get help but I’m not able to get anything.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and how have you managed? Please help, I’m getting a bit desperate. I’ve always wanted to be a mum but can’t see how on earth I can afford it.

[ArriettyJones]

This thread is full of people not listening to OP.

If she says she isn’t permitted to let her flat out, she isn’t. If she’s says there isn’t room for a lodger, there isn’t.

[RedOasis]

CSA. Dad has to pay!

[ArriettyJones]

@RedOasis

CSA. Dad has to pay!

That’s the theory but he’s going abroad so OP would be bonkers to rely on it.

[LaurieFairyCake]

If he goes abroad he can avoid paying

Also I've no idea where people are getting the £1000 a month childcare - the OP has already said it's £1800 plus monthly

Your not getting a cheaper rental than even the £1300 or £1400 you're going to end up paying for your mortgage so don't move

You could get a Monday to Friday female lodger (contractor) if you're well located for the single room as £150 a week probably?

Is there any way to keep your mortgage at £700 - remortgaging? Deferring for a year?

A cheaper nanny share is also a possibility if you can find a parent to go in with you? A childminder May be cheaper - not guaranteed considering the area you live in - you don't want to travel out as any tube/train fares would negate the cost of a nursery in Canary Wharf

Drastic but would you consider taking a job under 50k and getting child benefit? Or leaving and getting benefits for a couple of years?

[Heyhih3]

Once your wage drops on Mat leave... wouldn’t you be entitled to help? How far are you? Congratulations OP.
I’m sure you will find a way. About the father of the child don’t rely on his income if he works abroad you may have difficulty chasing him to get money. Sorry to be negative.

[NameChange657]

If you can OP I would email gym provider citing COVID and pregnancy and worries about safety to see if you can get out of your contract early, you should be able too but they may charge you a cancellation fee of 3 months (mine did this), I know it sounds cliche but somehow you always find the money, you really do. I second childminder, I think they give a more personable experience for the child too! Does anyone you work with have any recommendations for childcare? Do you have a strong friendship group, not for childcare, but for support to you during this time?

[AnotherEmma]

"Drastic but would you consider taking a job under 50k and getting child benefit? Or leaving and getting benefits for a couple of years?"

This is one of the stupidest things I've read.

Give up a £60k/year job and live on benefits instead?! How on earth do you expect her to pay her mortgage?!

[FrugiFan]

Can you work fewer hours or condense hours? If you do fewer days obviously you need fewer nursery hours and if you work part time your salary might be less than 50k and therefore entitled to child benefit (although it isnt loads) and 30hrs free childcare the term after they turn 3. When is the baby due - if its between January and March you would get 30hrs free childcare from April 1st the year they turn 3.

Look into the 20% off childcare vouchers for age 1-3.

Do you have savings or could you save up between now and when the baby is born? Really cut back on everything you can.

[Smallsteps88]

@AnotherEmma

"Drastic but would you consider taking a job under 50k and getting child benefit? Or leaving and getting benefits for a couple of years?"

This is one of the stupidest things I've read.

Give up a £60k/year job and live on benefits instead?! How on earth do you expect her to pay her mortgage?!

Agreed!

[FrugiFan]

my flat is only about 550sq feet and neither bedroom would fit a double bed and cot in it.
How about a crib or side sleeper cot (next2me or snuzpod)? Alternatively you might need to change to a single or small double as the baby ideally needs to share your room for 6 months at least.

[notheragain4]

OP I don't understand why your mortgage is jumping so dramatically, the interest can't be £500-£600 a month on help to buy? The only reason I can see it increasing that much is if you remortgage and absorb the help to buy into your mortgage, but you don't have to do that.

[user1494157537]

@sergeilavrov thank you. I live just outside CW so don’t have a car so that is a big saving and I am lucky enough to be able to walk to work so that’ll help.

There really is no option to get a lodger in, ive attached some links to similar properties to my flat - I don’t live in any of these but they all have very similar layouts to mine

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/fullscreen/view-floorplan.html?propertyId=68636238

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-77658718.html

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-94043828.html

I guess I will somehow make it work. The childminder option is a good one. I didn’t realise they were so much cheaper.

I’m going to ask work if I can compress my hours but previously they have been VERY anti this. I run a deptartment. And apparently I’m needed everyday. There’s also no way I would be allowed to wfh with a baby!

[Heyhih3]

@AnotherEmma

"I could always stop paying into my pension but I’d really want that to be a last resort."

Well you'll probably have to reduce your pension contributions to the minimum until baby turns 3 and you can get the 30h funded childcare.

This is a good idea. You earn a good salary and you have a mortgage. How much do you pay into a pension at the minute? It would be a short term plan and it would save you money.

[Wolfgirrl]

Can you not rent your flat out and move away from London? Do you have family/friends elsewhere?

[BarbaraofSeville]

Drastic but would you consider taking a job under 50k and getting child benefit? Or leaving and getting benefits for a couple of years

Assuming the OP pays into a pension, she will keep some of her CB, so it's unlikely to be worth trying to change jobs to increase her entitlement, but it might be worth trying to work slightly less if it would reduce childcare costs.

The gym contract will finish before the OP needs to start paying childcare, so that's a help. OP can you try and be really frugal for the rest of your pregnancy to get some savings behind you?

The suggested bills posted by sergeilavrov are ludicrously high for the OPs situation so if the OP is spending anything like that, there's plenty of cutbacks available, without the budget being particularly miserable. £312 for utilities in a small flat? It should be less than half that.

[Smallsteps88]

OP if any of those flats resemble yours then you absolutely can fit a lodger in. I’m not sure why you think you can’t

[Wolfgirrl]

Sorry didn't rtft forget what I said

[Smallsteps88]

Could you post your outgoings here and see if we can help you get them down?

[legalseagull]

My gym (David Lloyd) let me cancel membership with proof of pregnancy. Could save some money there?

[WitchesGlove]

@user1494157537

Yes I desperately want this baby. My mortgage is already 40 year term. I bought the flat at 27 and am 30 now. I don’t have a credit card but I suppose I could get one for the maternity leave. I’m planning to go back to work as soon as I can really to try to afford to live.

Unfortunately I’m pretty sure my ex is moving abroad for work. He had been planning it for a while and announced it before I knew I was pregnant. So I’m counting on £0 from him.

I’m tied into expensive contracts for thin I thought were essential and I could afford. An extortionate gym membership which I need to pay until March next year and a 2 year phone contract.

I’m so excited but also can’t see how I can afford it

Can you get your GP to write you a note to get out of the gym membership?

[Silversun83]

Just to emphasise in case you're factoring this into longer-term calculations that you get the 30 hours free childcare the term after the child turns 3 - so if they're born in April, you won't actually get it until the September. (I hadn't realised this with my May-born DC! Luckily my DC2 was born in March!).

Also, it's calculated for term-time only, so if you're using all-year-round childcare, it's only 24 hours a week.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Some bizarre posts on here- another myth, that you can drop to smp and qualify for benefits

[user1494157537]

Sorry I’ve just seen someone asking about my mortgage. With help to buy I have a mortgage on part of the property (50%) and an equity loan from the government on another 40%. The first 5 years that’s interest free. After 5 years you have to start paying interest in that - essentially a second mortgage.

[Emelene]

You should be entitled to tax free childcare when you go back to work - government tops up 20% which helps. I agree childminders are much cheaper than nursery so that might work?

[Girliefriendlikespuppies]

I would investigate how much a nanny or au pair would be in your situation op. If you've got a spare room and you're central London it's likely to be appealing to an au pair. It would also be useful for times when the baby might be unwell and a cm or nursery might not take them.

Tbh I found myself in a really similar situation to you and made the decision after my dd was born to move closer to my family. It meant leaving a home, job and friends I loved but it was 100% the right decision. My dd and I have needed family support, having a baby on your own is hard and having someone near by to help out so important.

I found a new job, home and friends and was able to balance work with raising my dd.