I'm so hurt by what my son said to me.

[Megatron]

He's 16. It's been a shit few months for him with lockdown, unable to do GCSE's and see his friends until recently etc. He has an up and down relationship with DH (his dad) and can be cheeky (usual stuff for his age), DH reacts and they argue. It's not awful but I feel a bit like a referee sometimes trying to keep everyone happy. DS doesn't like to take responsibility for just about anything and sees any conversation as 'having a go a him'.

I've always felt we have a really good relationship, we get on well, we talk about stuff (though he finds that more difficult now as he gets older). I know he finds things tricky at the moment so tried to talk to him this morning about how he was feeling and if he was OK. One of his friends told me last week that he was a bit worried about him which is what prompted this.

He said he wanted to talk but then just sat there. I said something along he lines of 'if there's anything on your mind you know you can talk to me, I've always thought we have a good relationship and can talk'.

He said 'Do we, I don't think it's as good as you seem to think it is'. I asked him what he meant and he said he couldn't put it into words but we don't get on as well as I think.

I am so hurt. I feel like I've just been landed with this statement with no explanation or reason. I try really hard to be mindful of his age and I know it's a difficult one but I feel a bit blindsided by this. If anyone had asked me what my relationship with him was like I could have said really good, we have our moments but we get on really well. Now I find out that he doesn't think our relationship is that great and I feel like a totally crap mum. It probably sounds trivial but I really am hurt.

[Sara2000]

And totally understandable that you feel hurt. I think teens forget we are human too and our love for them is so deep.

[2bazookas]

His friend didn't contact me specifically, he was standing outside the house while I was in the garden so it was a comment in passing, but enough to make me worry.

FGS, that's not how teens operate.

. I am pretty certain that, from the friends POV that was NOT some casual comment in passing; s/he came to your house for that purpose and was hanging around while you were in the garden, to catch your ear discreetly, without appearing to betray DS confidence.

You seem out of your depth when communicating with teens. Just like your son told you.

[Sara2000]

@2bazookas. Feel better for saying that do you? Seems like you might need to look at your own communication style.